The 'buddy', the fuck buddy, and the guy who wants to watch...

This is all about sex, so if you don't want to read, wait for the next entry, or go read my last one.

Now that everyone is paying extra attention RE: sex, I've got some theories. I think I haven't been getting laid enough. Silly, I know, but really it's true. For the past few nights I've been getting progressively hornier. Tonight was no exception.

After plans fell through for the evening (what a surprise) I was left with little to do. I opted for a pizza, a bottle of wine and some Sex and the City. Throw some glitter and some pink pillows around my couch and I'm about as gay as it gets.

Well, I've watched about as much as I can take, so I get up and head for the computer. But there it is, that damn itch! I checked out Craigslist for a laugh, and saw the picture of a guy I'd slept with last year. It was fun, he was a man of few words, but he'd talked to me a few times in between, so I figured we might still have another go round.

I signed into my crusing account, and lo and behold the Buddy comes online. I instantly messaged him, kicking off the conversation, not really knowing what to expect.

While I'm waiting for that to get going, I reply to a few CL ads. I get an e-mail back from a very cute guy, and we also start chatting online.

Of course, my fuck buddy David is nowhere to be found, considering he has some sort of thing called a 'life'. But he did leave me a message on my birthday saying he can't wait to come over and give me my present. Whatever could that be?

I'm very amused at the fact I have a fuck buddy at all. It just sort of grew out of our having sex more than once, and our mutual interest in keeping it going. It's not nearly as flashy as Hollywood depicts it, with the midnight booty calls and looks of lust across a crowded restaurant. In actual fact, he can't say sex, fuck, or otherwise indicate we're going to bed with each other. Instead, he simply says, lets 'hang out'.

Of course, he jerks me around endlessly, but he's good in bed, and as I mature and grow into this thing called a gay sex life I've learned how to deal with it and keep the fun in the 'fun' category. Plus, it's damn convenient not having to order out for sex with someone new.

I prioritize my time with the new guy online. His picture reminds me of a boy from home, who was on the swim team. He was never a crush, because we never knew each other, but he was probably the cutest boy in his grade. That made this new guy even more interesting. I offered to have him over, and he seemed hesitant, saying maybe I should go over there.

Then he said that his 40-year-old roommate was home. Oh, and he'd like to watch.

The sad thing is, I seriously considered it. And if that 40 was a 30, or even a 35, I might have gone along with it. But even if I am diversifying my sex life, I'm not at the stage where I want guys that age watching. It smacks of over-bearing control, of someone being taken advantage of. Maybe I'm insane and don't understand that sexual dynamic yet, but I just wasn't feeling it.

I explained that to him, all the while becoming more wary. He tried to get me to come over, telling me he only does this once a year, and he won't want to next week. Of course, in the previous sentence he was telling me how cool it was for his roomie to watch him and this other guy fool around recently. The weird vibes were outweighing the good ones, and I ended our conversation. I felt badly though, wondering if this kid was being kept under the thumb of some twisted molester-type. But don't quote me, because I don't know all the facts.

With that behind me, I went back to the Buddy. Remember, this isn't David the fuck buddy, this is just Buddy from a million years ago. We started talking dirty, and I was surprised to see he remembered some of the things we did. He wants me to moan for him. Apparently, he likes that.

Also, apparently, he's more vocal online than he was in person, because it got really graphic, really fast. Which lead to me loosing some clothes, really fast. I've never gotten into that cyber/fantasy/phone-sex thing before, but we were going full out. Not the best sex I've had, but certainly not the worst.

And, it whetted his appetite. He's going to come by sometime soon, he says, for our official round two.

Some of you by now are doubtlessly wondering how I plan on keeping a relationship if I'm interested in fucking three different guys nearly simultaneously. Well, I've got two modes, and would be more than happy to divert all my sexual energy to one cute ass than to three. Its a hard decision to make if your relationship is going to be open and allow for certain dalliances outside of your traditional sex life, or to be completely monogamous. Either way, I'm more than willing to give it up for a boy who'll actually be around to have coffee with me in the morning.

While sex isn't going to give me a social life, especially when I'm picking up online and not at a club, it did help me blow off some steam. Even if it was just e-steam.

Craigslist is your friend...?

Wow. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

I had posted on CL looking for a guy to go out to coffee with. I figured I should try and meet someone and chatting to someone gay/bi my age. I went out for a movie date instead with one guy, who was awkward and very not my type. We had a nice time, and he tried to come back to my place, but it wasn't happening. I'm not that desperate to get a boy in bed again.

Juan was my second coffee date. We had chatted online, and he seemed very sweet. He also sent me a nice picture of him on the beach, and I was taken instantly. "Yes!" I thought. "Cute boy who's a sweetheart, with his own place, and might be into me. Success!"

I showered, shaved, and tried to make myself presentable for him, because the way our conversation had ended, we were open to having more than just coffee. We met for coffee, and as soon as I looked at his face, I knew I was doomed. He was a changed man from the hot guy on the beach. I'll be honest, body size is a factor for me, as far as not being truely fat, but otherwise I don't mind guys who aren't twink slim. Its all about the face with me, and how cute you are. This boy was not cute.

Well, I wasn't going to run screaming, because we hadn't made the plan exclusively for sex, so I stayed and had coffee with him. Our conversation was a little limited, I think in part because I was taken offguard by the fact I wasn't going to get to have my fun with a cute boy after all. As the time drew to a close, he made some mention of moving on to a new place, or possibly just ending it then and there. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and quietly explained that this was probably as far as it was going, and I'd be fine with just exiting now. He was a little surprised, I think, because he went kinda quiet. But we shook hands as we parted, and he seemed to be better with it.

I kinda hated myself for being mean to someone like that. I'm not the one who does the rejecting usually, and it was an awkward experience. At the same time, I'm not going to do anything with someone I'm not into. When I got home, I kinda said to myself, "What a waste of my life!" But really, if you never try, you never get anything.

I wanted to jerk off since I had this pent up sex energy, so I went online, and stupidly hit a very sexy teen site. These boys were all super-twink-college types, slender and sexy as hell, holding each other and humping happily. I sighed heavily at that point. Where do you meet these cute guys? They're my age, yet they're having this amazingly sexy sex with equally sexy partners. I realize now that I'm maybe not as bad looking as I thought (if my coffee dates are any indication). But were do I meet these cute guys, who appear to be such sexual pros?

The pickup...

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