Finally, some good news.
I've found out what's wrong with me, and I'm now on medication, and I'm actually feeling, shockingly, better.
You have no idea how good it feels to...feel good. Obviously, I've lost the ability to write...but seriously, I'm a day and a bit into treatment and I just feel much more like myself, like I normally do.
I woke up this morning feeling really relaxed, refreshed and happy. My body didn't feel dragged down with the fatigue that I've felt the past few weeks, and the pains I've been experiencing were tuned down, so much so that I almost felt completely normal.
Apparently I even look better on the outside. A friend stopped by this morning looking for my roommate, and from the moment I opened the door, she kept giving me the once-over.
"You look really great today," she said. "I don't know what it is...you just are looking really good!" she told me, as I stood there in ratty jeans and a green t-shirt, hair flat on my head.
"Not that you look bad normally," she said. "But today, if I was walking down the street and saw you, I'd be thinking 'Damn, I'd like to tear his fucking clothes off...', not that I don't think that of you normally, but today especially," she said laughing and flushing a little.
Of course, I pin it on the fact that I actually feel good again. It's a good-all-over feeling, too. My head is just feeling more clear, I've got this great flicker of happiness inside my chest...the air today smelt like spring and gave me this infectious smile. I really need to find some way to bottle that and keep it going for the foreseeable future, because I just genuinely have had a really good (yet quite average) day.
Like I said, I really hope I can ride this wave of good-feelings. It just feels really wonderful to not feel as sick as I did, and hopefully in a few more days I'll be feeling even better.
Hopefully winter is drawing to a close, the warm air is just around the corner, and we can all come out of our hibernation, take a deep breath and just enjoy life.
Showing posts with label Sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sick. Show all posts
Friday, March 14, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Stick a fork in me...
Well, actually, more like a needle.
Gotta say, I'm not doing so hot these days. I'm trying not to get worried about it, but that's easier said than done.
Ever since I was sick, I've felt really off. I mean, on almost every level. For some reason, it really threw me, and I've gotten really tired about not feeling like myself.
I'm also tired of jolting awake every morning at about 7:30 a.m. to these weird internal pains, centered in my stomach. It sorta feels like someone zip-tied my stomach, forcing pressure on it from all angles. On top of that is the acid, the churning, and the nausea.
Thankfully, it usually passes by about 9 a.m. But while it's happening, and I'm trying to sleep, it really feels awful, and to me, it says something isn't quite right.
So this morning, fed up with the strange pains that seem to come and go, I did what anybody would do...went on WebMD. A few clicks later, and I was feeding my symptoms into their system, and the results weren't wonderful.
Of course, this isn't medical advice, and it naturally panders to the worst-possible situations, but it was helpful information. The number one prospect was an ulcer; it seemed to jive rather well with the come-and-go pain, as well as the loss of appetite and the fact that Tums helps bring the pain back under control. Also reassuring, the treatment seemed pretty mundane, consisting of antacids and some sort of medication that stops the ulcer and helps heal the wound.
Under that was a host of gastro-intestinal issues, that all sound frankly quite nasty. Nothing that seemed to insanely serious...but still, nothing pleasant.
So, I decided enough was enough, and that I would actually go to a doctor and get some real medical advice. Here in Toronto I don't actually have a 'family doctor'; essentially the two times I needed a doctor, I went to a walk-in clinic. So that's where I headed.
After an hour and a half wait, I finally saw a doctor and explained my symptoms. I knew better than to start the conversation, "Well, I was online this morning and..." so I stuck to the symptoms. She asked very few questions and seemed less than interested in 'digging deep' into what was causing my problems.
"Well, let's just run some blood tests and see what comes back," she said. "But yes, you shouldn't feel like this, your stomach feels very constricted and tender to me."
It was then that I interjected about my family's history of stomach cancer and ulcers, to which she did take notice, and tagged a few more tests on, including one that tests for the presence of the bacteria that causes stomach cancer.
The woman that took my samples was a complete sweetheart, pretty much holding my hand while taking her four vials. I hate needles, and I hate getting shots...but that only comes second to the loathing I have for blood samples. I get all clammy and pale and feel awful, yet at my height people don't take me as the type to be such a wuss.
After the blood was over with, I was given another four vials for...uh...other excretions that I get to do at home. How I'm supposed to collect anything with the toothpick of a scoop they gave me, I'll never know, but I get to have a new experience.
I was shocked, when I was ready to leave, at the general lack of information the medical system gives us. Nobody had a clue when my results would come back, and I was assured that they would not be calling me if what they were testing for came back negative. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do if that happens? There was no mention of setting up another appointment to find out what's what, which leaves me almost hoping they find out what's wrong with me fairly easily and quickly.
This is the first time I've ever really had to wait for results in any medical situation. Sure, I wait for my mom's results on a regular basis, but never my own, and to admit it, it's a little scary. I don't like not knowing what's happening, and since neither the doctor nor I at this moment have a clear diagnosis, it leaves me feeling a little apprehensive. Not that I really think anything is drastically wrong with me...it's just scary being at the mercy of the system that was really less than personal, and less than accommodating.
I guess I'll just put it out of my mind for now. As for what I can do to give my gut a break, the doctor suggested Pepto Bismol.
Great, now that's what I call fucking great advice.
Gotta say, I'm not doing so hot these days. I'm trying not to get worried about it, but that's easier said than done.
Ever since I was sick, I've felt really off. I mean, on almost every level. For some reason, it really threw me, and I've gotten really tired about not feeling like myself.
I'm also tired of jolting awake every morning at about 7:30 a.m. to these weird internal pains, centered in my stomach. It sorta feels like someone zip-tied my stomach, forcing pressure on it from all angles. On top of that is the acid, the churning, and the nausea.
Thankfully, it usually passes by about 9 a.m. But while it's happening, and I'm trying to sleep, it really feels awful, and to me, it says something isn't quite right.
So this morning, fed up with the strange pains that seem to come and go, I did what anybody would do...went on WebMD. A few clicks later, and I was feeding my symptoms into their system, and the results weren't wonderful.
Of course, this isn't medical advice, and it naturally panders to the worst-possible situations, but it was helpful information. The number one prospect was an ulcer; it seemed to jive rather well with the come-and-go pain, as well as the loss of appetite and the fact that Tums helps bring the pain back under control. Also reassuring, the treatment seemed pretty mundane, consisting of antacids and some sort of medication that stops the ulcer and helps heal the wound.
Under that was a host of gastro-intestinal issues, that all sound frankly quite nasty. Nothing that seemed to insanely serious...but still, nothing pleasant.
So, I decided enough was enough, and that I would actually go to a doctor and get some real medical advice. Here in Toronto I don't actually have a 'family doctor'; essentially the two times I needed a doctor, I went to a walk-in clinic. So that's where I headed.
After an hour and a half wait, I finally saw a doctor and explained my symptoms. I knew better than to start the conversation, "Well, I was online this morning and..." so I stuck to the symptoms. She asked very few questions and seemed less than interested in 'digging deep' into what was causing my problems.
"Well, let's just run some blood tests and see what comes back," she said. "But yes, you shouldn't feel like this, your stomach feels very constricted and tender to me."
It was then that I interjected about my family's history of stomach cancer and ulcers, to which she did take notice, and tagged a few more tests on, including one that tests for the presence of the bacteria that causes stomach cancer.
The woman that took my samples was a complete sweetheart, pretty much holding my hand while taking her four vials. I hate needles, and I hate getting shots...but that only comes second to the loathing I have for blood samples. I get all clammy and pale and feel awful, yet at my height people don't take me as the type to be such a wuss.
After the blood was over with, I was given another four vials for...uh...other excretions that I get to do at home. How I'm supposed to collect anything with the toothpick of a scoop they gave me, I'll never know, but I get to have a new experience.
I was shocked, when I was ready to leave, at the general lack of information the medical system gives us. Nobody had a clue when my results would come back, and I was assured that they would not be calling me if what they were testing for came back negative. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do if that happens? There was no mention of setting up another appointment to find out what's what, which leaves me almost hoping they find out what's wrong with me fairly easily and quickly.
This is the first time I've ever really had to wait for results in any medical situation. Sure, I wait for my mom's results on a regular basis, but never my own, and to admit it, it's a little scary. I don't like not knowing what's happening, and since neither the doctor nor I at this moment have a clear diagnosis, it leaves me feeling a little apprehensive. Not that I really think anything is drastically wrong with me...it's just scary being at the mercy of the system that was really less than personal, and less than accommodating.
I guess I'll just put it out of my mind for now. As for what I can do to give my gut a break, the doctor suggested Pepto Bismol.
Great, now that's what I call fucking great advice.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
What's that you say?...
And I'm back...
...but still in interesting shape. Thankfully I'm not really sick anymore, save a pretty sore intestinal track. But sadly I've still got issues.
As of right now, I can't hear out of my left ear. Deaf as a doorknob.
On Friday morning, I happened to be cleaning out my ears, after having a shower. Like I always do, I twisted up an end of tissue, and moved it around my ear. Right ear was fine. Left ear...not so fine.
As I pulled the tissue out, my hearing went all muffled. I didn't quite get what was going on, and grabbed a bottle of ear wash spray stuff, and gave it a shot. That was it...my hearing went completely.
I'll admit I was a little worried, figuring I'd left some tissue behind that had now gotten stuck. So I had to tuck tail between legs and go to the doctor.
Turns out, I didn't do anything to cause this. Doc says I've got a piece of hardened impacted wax that's blocking my eardrum, making it seem like I can't hear. Great! I thought, she can just wash it out.
But me being me, and last week not being my week, she refused to flush it out since it was still 'hardened', for fear of bursting my eardrum (yikes!). So she hooked me up with...(you'll never believe this)...liquid stool softened. No joke, apparently a few drips lying on the wax every day will cause it to soften. So I've been dropping pink stool softener in my ear like mad, waiting for the moment that it softens and hopefully buggers off.
Sitting here tonight, I still can't hear much out of the left side. Well, I hear this deafening silence, actually. It really throws everything off; I have to struggle to hear things in certain directions and had to crank the TV up to hear what was going on.
So my warning to you, take care of your ears! As cliche as it is, seriously, try your best not to go deaf, because life is no fun walking around in mono.
Here's a shout out to all you boys in the medical field. Thanks for keeping us alive and well!
And if you ever need a massage, let me know.
...but still in interesting shape. Thankfully I'm not really sick anymore, save a pretty sore intestinal track. But sadly I've still got issues.
As of right now, I can't hear out of my left ear. Deaf as a doorknob.
On Friday morning, I happened to be cleaning out my ears, after having a shower. Like I always do, I twisted up an end of tissue, and moved it around my ear. Right ear was fine. Left ear...not so fine.
As I pulled the tissue out, my hearing went all muffled. I didn't quite get what was going on, and grabbed a bottle of ear wash spray stuff, and gave it a shot. That was it...my hearing went completely.
I'll admit I was a little worried, figuring I'd left some tissue behind that had now gotten stuck. So I had to tuck tail between legs and go to the doctor.
Turns out, I didn't do anything to cause this. Doc says I've got a piece of hardened impacted wax that's blocking my eardrum, making it seem like I can't hear. Great! I thought, she can just wash it out.
But me being me, and last week not being my week, she refused to flush it out since it was still 'hardened', for fear of bursting my eardrum (yikes!). So she hooked me up with...(you'll never believe this)...liquid stool softened. No joke, apparently a few drips lying on the wax every day will cause it to soften. So I've been dropping pink stool softener in my ear like mad, waiting for the moment that it softens and hopefully buggers off.
Sitting here tonight, I still can't hear much out of the left side. Well, I hear this deafening silence, actually. It really throws everything off; I have to struggle to hear things in certain directions and had to crank the TV up to hear what was going on.
So my warning to you, take care of your ears! As cliche as it is, seriously, try your best not to go deaf, because life is no fun walking around in mono.
Here's a shout out to all you boys in the medical field. Thanks for keeping us alive and well!
And if you ever need a massage, let me know.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
The porcelain god...
Something has been trying to kill me, and it hasn't been pretty.
I've spent the last several days alternating between the bedroom and the bathroom...and not eating or drinking much. It's been pretty nasty, to say the least.
Definitely not the way I planned to spend my reading week.
I broke down and had to borrow my uncle's computer to check my e-mails from school assignments and reports. Seems like while I've been lying watching 'I Love Lucy' and vomiting in between episodes, the world has also slowed to a crawl. Nothing that I expected to be done has been done while I've been out of comission, not a comforting thought during the cold sweats.
Anyway I'm running on borrowed time right now, so I'll throw a few random observations from my week in.
- whoever decided to use popsicles as sexual objects, to pratice oral sex or for added feeling in other areas, is insane...they're too damn cold!
- does my mother imagine me sucking a guy's cock while I'm slurping on this banana popsicle right now?
- my sex drive has vanished...I don't even want to think about sex...well, I do, but the thought of labouring myself to orgasm at this moment makes me want to vomit more
Thankfully I've had time to think of a few interesting topics...but they'll have to wait until next week. How are you all?
I've spent the last several days alternating between the bedroom and the bathroom...and not eating or drinking much. It's been pretty nasty, to say the least.
Definitely not the way I planned to spend my reading week.
I broke down and had to borrow my uncle's computer to check my e-mails from school assignments and reports. Seems like while I've been lying watching 'I Love Lucy' and vomiting in between episodes, the world has also slowed to a crawl. Nothing that I expected to be done has been done while I've been out of comission, not a comforting thought during the cold sweats.
Anyway I'm running on borrowed time right now, so I'll throw a few random observations from my week in.
- whoever decided to use popsicles as sexual objects, to pratice oral sex or for added feeling in other areas, is insane...they're too damn cold!
- does my mother imagine me sucking a guy's cock while I'm slurping on this banana popsicle right now?
- my sex drive has vanished...I don't even want to think about sex...well, I do, but the thought of labouring myself to orgasm at this moment makes me want to vomit more
Thankfully I've had time to think of a few interesting topics...but they'll have to wait until next week. How are you all?
Monday, April 2, 2007
Boring Monday Blues...
Another fascinating Monday has passed me by.
I didn't sleep last night, rather tossed and turned in an attempt to mimic sleep. This cold that's been following me around since last week refuses to go away, and my body was rebelling against being sleep-deprived and abused. How do actual hardcore partygoers do it?...I mean one night and I'm done.
Today was an essay, pretty much all day. I stepped out for food and tea, and to pick up some over-the-counter medecines, and ended up spending $20 at the drug store. How can this junk cost so much! It probably won't even do anything (except maybe put me in a drug-induced sleep).
Last night Brian texted me asking if I wanted to do something today. Why does this boy have such an issue with picking up the phone and calling me? I texted back this morning saying yes, let me know when and where...and still haven't heard back. Honestly, what the hell!? I'm at the point where I'm almost ready to give up the notion that we're going to pull off this friendship thing, what is his problem!?
I also eagerly awaited the phonecall from the guy I talked to last night, whom I'll name David. So far he came online once, but was set to away, then went offline.
David is Jewish, and tonight is the first night of Passover (Shalom to my Jewish friends). So I'm guessing he's having a big family dinner thing, or doing some other family commitments. I don't want to call him because I don't want to interupt anything...but I also don't want him to think I'm not interested. I'll drop him a quick e-mail later and say hi.
Otherwise, I'm just about ready to go to bed and try to get some real sleep! Enjoy your evenings, friends.
I didn't sleep last night, rather tossed and turned in an attempt to mimic sleep. This cold that's been following me around since last week refuses to go away, and my body was rebelling against being sleep-deprived and abused. How do actual hardcore partygoers do it?...I mean one night and I'm done.
Today was an essay, pretty much all day. I stepped out for food and tea, and to pick up some over-the-counter medecines, and ended up spending $20 at the drug store. How can this junk cost so much! It probably won't even do anything (except maybe put me in a drug-induced sleep).
Last night Brian texted me asking if I wanted to do something today. Why does this boy have such an issue with picking up the phone and calling me? I texted back this morning saying yes, let me know when and where...and still haven't heard back. Honestly, what the hell!? I'm at the point where I'm almost ready to give up the notion that we're going to pull off this friendship thing, what is his problem!?
I also eagerly awaited the phonecall from the guy I talked to last night, whom I'll name David. So far he came online once, but was set to away, then went offline.
David is Jewish, and tonight is the first night of Passover (Shalom to my Jewish friends). So I'm guessing he's having a big family dinner thing, or doing some other family commitments. I don't want to call him because I don't want to interupt anything...but I also don't want him to think I'm not interested. I'll drop him a quick e-mail later and say hi.
Otherwise, I'm just about ready to go to bed and try to get some real sleep! Enjoy your evenings, friends.
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