The very first...

What exactly is one supposed to say, or do, when confronted with the person they gave their virginity to?

That night will forever be etched in my mind (and immortalized in text online), but I've never given much thought to just how to react if I were to ever see him again. So a couple days ago, takeaway in one hand and a shopping bag in the other, my response and response time to the as yet unanswered question was fairly subdued.

I crossed the street with my typical tunnel vision fully set in, causally unaware of the people surrounding me, trying to balance the load in my arms while flicking through songs on my iPod. I had barely made it as the light changed to amber, then red. I half-stopped in my tracks, deciding last minute to cross the street again, now that the light flicked green. And in that moment of decision, I noticed him standing mere feet from me, coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

It was the briefest of glances, but enough to get my blood pumping in overdrive. My body seems to react in a funny sort of way when presented with such 'surprises'; my heart will pound harder, my legs feel a tingle, my vision goes wonky and my head tries it's best to make a graceful movement away from the subject.

During the entire encounter, I never actually stopped walking. But in that brief second, that night replayed in the big screen of my mind, and a sly smile crept across my face.

It never occurred to me to stop, to say hello or acknowledge my recognition of him. If he even noticed me, he chose to react in the very same way. There was no magical unspoken moment between us, but an almost polite attempt to pretend the whole thing never even happened.

I'm not really sure if that's how everyone reacts to everyone else in this type of situation, but it seemed to fit. The guy himself and I never became anything more than bed buddies, though he was a sweet person and genuinely interesting. But seeing him once more didn't, for whatever reason, compel me to wrap him in a hug and buy him a cup of coffee.

Not to mention the fact that the chance meeting seemed to have come completely out of the blue, since to my understanding he, being a visiting American student, shouldn't have even been in the country anymore...

Ah well. It was what it was. A moment from the past shoved past the tunnel vision into the present. And it made me smile, and it made me feel good about who I am and where I've come from.

And that's something I'll always remember.

The joys of the Internet (Part III)

One thing has finally occured to me, similar to an old adage that my grandfather drilled into me: we all jerk off just the same.

Sexy, unsexy, cut, flabby, short, tall, Asian, Latin...gorgeous or plain...we all beat our meat for fun and to burn off sexual steam.

But for quite some time, I've always envisioned the really hot people, the ones with ripped bodies and coy, sexy looks never really jerk off. I mean, they could have a lineup of guys wanting to do it for them, so why waste the effort? Why not save yourself and let somebody else do all the work - and clean up the mess?

Strange, I know, since masturbation is one of the most normal, across the board trademarks of human sexuality. It reminds me so of my grandfather's consistent belief that, when confronted with the rich, the famous or the plain beautiful, remember; we all shit the same.

So when I found myself about a year ago talking to a very, very attractive guy online, I was somewhat surprised that he confessed his weekend was going to consist of jerking off and sleeping.

It all started rather strangely, for me; with a compliment. Without being too overly bullshitish, he simply said, "Hello handsome." An unusual comment directed at me, not because I think I'm truly hideous but because nobody ever really says it...

Anyway, we began talking about this and that, and it struck me that maybe this guy wasn't so attractive after all. I mean, he was being nice! He was being polite! He was engaging in intelligent conversation, meaningful dialogue about his job and his life! He couldn't be hot, too; he wasn't self-centred enough!

I know, there are friendly gorgeous people out there. I've met them, I've talked to them, but they remain interested in you only for so long. Eventually, a boy of their calibre passes perilously close and, poof, they're lost in each other and you're reminded that three's a crowd.

But as we broached the subject of each others' weekend plans, he made the rather out of context statement that, since he had no other plans, nor anything much to do, he was going to sleep and jerk off.

He immediately appologized, wiping away any chance that it was a come-on, an attempt to have me do the heavy lifting for him.

Yet the flirtations continued, with me jokingly insulting his alma matter. His response, "You're lucky your cute... you can get away with it."

Well colour me flattered, I thought, I might have a live one here. Intelligent enough to get my jokes, good-natured enough to reciprocate, and open enough to admit he's going to, between Christmas shopping and card writing, beat his dick off multiple times.

As we talked more, his playfulness continued as he described his interests, which included diving. I'd seen a face picture of this guy, and thought indeed that he was quite attractive. But the photo in his IM box was of a perfectly formed, perfectly tanned ass, tucked into a perfectly small Speedo. Holy shit...this is the elusive, porn-star-esque type of boy that I always wondered about but never talked to!

The amazement didn't stop there. He cooks, he keeps a nice house, he has a brilliant and creative job...and he was still flirting with me.

And just as we were wrapping that part of the conversation, about his hot swimmers body and eye candy at the pool, concluding with a witty remark from me that made him laugh, he magically disconnected. I'm going to, as I usually grudgingly do, give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend that his internet died.

Thinking back on it, I instantly focused on what I still found hard to believe:

The eligible, gorgeous, fit, intelligent, well-to-do young guy was going to blow off sexual tension not by bedding other equally etherial boys, but by jerking off. Who knows if it's because he despises casual sex, or if he has his own hangups with hookups, but the only person working over his pole this weekend was going to be him.

It really makes all those overly fierce, hot guys seem just a bit more human, and a bit less fabulous. Instead of the assumed fantasy that they are simply so attractive they need not masturbate, I learned that even the hot ones rub one out all by themselves. That maybe they're not on such a vastly different plane of existence after all.

Because, like my grandfather always said, we all shit the same, each and every one of us.