Friday, December 17, 2010

And four weeks later...

I'm sitting at the very desk that I started Frozen Underwear at.

There are parts of me that feel like giving you every gory detail about my breakup. Really, there are. I would like nothing more than to get it off my chest. But I'm also sensitive about the fact that my now ex was in my life for two years, not a guy I dated that provided fodder for blogging. He has a right to his privacy, and so I've decided to discuss the breakup as little as possible.

Long story short, we went out not with a bang, but with a whimper. He was pretty blindsided by the whole thing, but I held my ground with my decision and laid it all out. At the end, I think he still believed that he could change my mind, but that ship had sailed.

I took my bags and left. No huge fight, screaming, or anything that had been predicted. Lots and lots of crying and pain. The typical accusations that my leaving him was 'easy' for me, and that I should instantly feel 'happy' about it. Wrong on both counts, but he has a hard time understanding how I feel.

So now, like I said, I'm sitting at the very desk that I began Frozen Underwear at, having moved back in with my parents. And it's around the same time of year when, many moons ago, I was miserable with the direction my life was headed. At least this time I think I've got off to a head start.

2010 was not a good year for me. It's brought nothing but pain and sorrow, and I'm glad to have it behind me. I pray 2011 will be the year I finally get myself back. But nothing is simple, and there are still obstacles to be overcome before I can feel better about myself and my life. A big one was ending a dead-end relationship, yet even that hasn't made me feel all that great. I'm waiting for that time when it hurts less and I've worked through the grief and the crap, but so far I just feel tired and burnt out.

Christmas is upon us, my favourite holiday and season of the year. The tree is trimmed, the lights hung and the very few presents that I can afford are bought. The wine is breathing, the roast is nearly done, and I'm alone.

And for the first time in my life, it doesn't feel sad to be single.

That's one hell of a start.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Antiquated and boring...

And no, I don't mean me (though there are days...).

Now that I've decided to reinvest some time and energy into Frozen Underwear, I took it upon myself to look around the site and see how it's holding up. After all, I started this thing up many years ago and have never changed the layout, colours, etc. And looking at it today, I have to say it's pretty damn ugly.

This thing is in need of a makeover.

The page comments seem to have been repeatedly raped by spammers. The colour scheme is old and boring. There are no photos, videos or hooks of any kind (though I do usually avoid that because I tend to focus on the words and content rather than pretty pictures of abs and underwear).

I have basically zero online-editing skills, so you guys will have to bear with me while I try and spruce the place up a little.

Any suggestions (or offers of help) are greatly appreciated!

EDIT: So I just monkeyed around a bit and wound up changing the layout a touch. It still looks boring.

Monday, November 8, 2010

He says he's back...

Well hello again all.

For any of you that still have me on your radar, I’d like to think that I’m about to make a bit of a comeback. I see my last post was in November of 2009. My bad habit of lapsing from weeks to months between posts has now lapsed to years. But no more, or at least I hope.

I was sitting on my couch today thinking about all that’s changed in my life over the past two years (a hell of a lot, really), and how I missed writing down my thoughts and adventures. That was because most of my thoughts and adventures centred around my boyfriend, and who the hell wants to read entry after entry about him and my constant stream-of-consciousness analysis of our relationship. It’s basically over now, so I guess that’s why I’m reaching back for old habits.

Anyway, to briefly update my life:
- I’ve finished my undergraduate degree! Sounds exciting, except,
- I’m unemployed and can’t find steady, stable, professional work, so,
- I decided to go back to school to top off my CV with a bit more fancy education in the hopes that it will help the job hunt
- I’ve moved out of my old apartment that I shared with my dear friends for the past four years
- I moved in with my boyfriend to a totally foreign and culturally neglected part of the city
- Since getting serious with boyfriend, have seriously lost touch with many of my friends, both online and real-world, which really sucks. I miss them a lot.
- I’ve developed a pretty depressed mentality, realizing how sad I am that the high I was riding on in my last year of university quickly faded, I’m nowhere near where I expected to be in my life plan, etc.

I guess I feel like I’m in a coma, floating above myself. I can see my body, but I just can’t quite stir myself back to life. Days and months of monotony have flown by. And I’ve had enough.

So I guess that’s what brings me back to blogging. I started this blog when I was in the same damn situation years ago; I was unhappy with the then-current state of my life, I wanted to vent and I wanted to change. And by God I did. Same thing applies to my state of life now; I’m unhappy, I want to vent and I want change.

Guess that mean’s I’m back.