And no, I don't mean me (though there are days...).
Now that I've decided to reinvest some time and energy into Frozen Underwear, I took it upon myself to look around the site and see how it's holding up. After all, I started this thing up many years ago and have never changed the layout, colours, etc. And looking at it today, I have to say it's pretty damn ugly.
This thing is in need of a makeover.
The page comments seem to have been repeatedly raped by spammers. The colour scheme is old and boring. There are no photos, videos or hooks of any kind (though I do usually avoid that because I tend to focus on the words and content rather than pretty pictures of abs and underwear).
I have basically zero online-editing skills, so you guys will have to bear with me while I try and spruce the place up a little.
Any suggestions (or offers of help) are greatly appreciated!
EDIT: So I just monkeyed around a bit and wound up changing the layout a touch. It still looks boring.
Showing posts with label Blog stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blog stuff. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The answers...
Well, thanks to all that asked some interesting questions of me.
I didn't even realize that I had posted almost a week ago, then written nothing since! I'm a horrible blogger, I know. I'd like to blame the fact that I'm in exams, but I won't. I'll just mention it, and let you draw conclusions.
OK, and on to the answers!
Vodka & Crackers asked, "Right, what are the first 5 things that pop into your head when you wake up in the morning."
-gah is it (blank) a.m.?
-shit, do I have what I need to finish that assignment...
-...and when was it due again?
-(often lingering sense of failure or dread, mostly related to half-forgotten dreams from that night)
-oooh I like this song! / oooh I HATE this song...I'm going back to bed
Of course, that's when I'm in classes and/or perma-worried about things. On a day like today, it was more like:
-ooh 10 a.m.
-stretching is good
-sunshine!
-CNN (to start my day with a laugh)
-better get up
- - - - - - - - - - -
Manxxman asked, "Have you come any closer to telling your dad that you're gay?"
Closer? Well, if you mean do I still think about it every time I see him, then yes. I've thought a lot about how to tell him, when to tell him, where to tell him...and honestly it's all really confusing. Since this will be the first really 'bad' reaction I've gotten, I don't really know what to expect or how to handle it, or how I can minimize the blowup. I suppose it just has to happen.
That said, I really do need to tell him, and acknowledge that. I never once thought that I would go through life without telling him, but lately I just really have to bite my tongue so I don't blurt out "I'm gay" when the mood strikes me. I don't want it to be some spontaneous thing that just falls out accidentally. I have to talk to my mom about it, because she'll need to be aware of it to support both him and me depending on how things go.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Blueyedboy, who always leaves great comments (and somehow I never return the favour, I'm sorry! I'll try harder this spring) asked, "What are you studying at university and what do you plan to do after you graduate?"
While I don't want to discuss my major, or the university that I attend, for privacy reasons, I can talk about what I want to do after I graduate.
I really do want to move on to grad school. A very large part of me does not feel finished with education, and learning, and thinking that I may have to start a job one year from now is just a bit scary to me. Not that I'm turning into a career student, or hiding from the real world, but I do believe that I will benefit both in the short and long term by pursuing a grad school program.
The really big question is where I want to study. I have a few options in Toronto, but would like to expand my horizons, try the whole 'fresh start' thing in another city (not that I don't love Toronto). Sadly, there is nowhere else in Canada that appeals to me, as Toronto is the best and only city I would really consider living in here in the North. Studying abroad would be really interesting, but again, brings up a few questions. If I went to Europe, more specifically England, I wouldn't be living a life like the one I lead now. The difference would be great, I don't doubt, and I'm sure I would love it, but when I move away again I'm afraid it'll be a bit of a culture shock to come back to Canada.
As far as studying in the United States, again, I'm open minded about it. I'm not ready for New York yet, I know that much, and I can't see myself in a rural state like Kansas. Cities like Chicago, Seattle and San Fransisco are appealing to me, because they're big enough to enjoy all the splendor of a city while still being small enough to not be completely lost or drown out in a crowd of people.
Whatever happens, part of my summer will be spent figuring out what exactly I need to do in order to successfully apply to schools both at home and abroad.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Someone asked, "In your moment(s) of deepest longing, who or what are you thinking of?"
That's an interesting question, but depends on your definition of 'longing'. If I'm longing for some fantasy sex, I'm probably thinking of Sean Corwin or Dillon Samuels.
In moments of deep longing for a boyfriend, I don't really think of a 'person' since I haven't met him yet. Mostly I think about the qualities I would want in a potential partner, and just about the comfort that I one day hope to find. It's mostly reinforced with romantic stereotypes, me longing for the 'perfect' fit.
The way I've described it to myself as of late is a sort of male version of Emma Peel. The 'ultimate' man for me would be someone incredibly intelligent, driven, very classy, but still fun, loving and engaging. Not a snob, but someone who appreciates the 'finer things in life', as they say. Also, throw in some witty banter here and there, as well as the occasional bottle of champagne, and I'm pretty much ready to walk down the aisle.
In moments of general existential angst, I find myself longing to understand and be a part of the gay community. I think of how I want that group of friends who really understand what it's like to be 'the other' in society, a group to go out with and dance with sweaty boys all night. Generally, while I don't want to become a 'scene queen' or so conceited and buried in gay life that I forget who I am, I do want to actually have some gay in my life. I know it's not the requirement to be happy in life, but when I think about how out of touch with the gay community I am, I get a little scared. I know some of it is fueled by stereotypes, but at the core of it I do feel I'm missing out on a part of my life, and myself, that I don't get because I simply do not have the gay community in my life.
- - - - - - - - - - -
"Are you out to all your friends? How did that go?"
Honestly, I don't know who knows and who doesn't. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But after coming out to people time and time again, I just sort of stopped inserting it in conversations. Most people know, from what I understand.
The way I think of it (and want to keep it) is that everyone I've met in my university life knows, while people from back home do not. I don't mind if anyone I meet in Toronto knows, and while I don't expressly tell everyone, I'm sure it's gotten around. But I do care if people from high school, who I see rarely, find out. It has nothing to do with the five minutes we spend together at Christmas, and sadly it would become a huge topic of conversation.
As for how it all went, I've never had a 'bad' experience. People have been really great about it, with attitudes ranging from bored acknowledgement to excited 'Good for you!' I am very thankful to live in Toronto, where nobody really cares. It is a thought, though, that my progression as a gay man has somewhat 'faultered' because of all this good experience. I haven't been pushed away from my friends, or forced to live a different life on the side. I don't even want to use the word 'accepting', because people have been more than that; it is just a non-issue, as it should be. But, this has also not make me seek out a support system of other gays while I was coming out, at a time where I could cement a place in the gay community. Food for thought.
- - - - - - - - - - -
"What are your religious views?"
I've attempted to describe my religious views before, but I can never really get a definition that I'm comfortable with. I'll tell you what I do know.
I'm a Christian, I believe in one God, and Jesus, and all that Christian stuff. I believe it to my very core.
But within that, I'm a very liberal Christian. As long as I'm not doing harm to others, I don't really have a problem with doing anything. Alcohol, drugs, pre-marital sex, homosexual sex...all don't really offend me, and I have no qualms in partaking in any or all of them. I'm sure there are many Christians who would burn me at the stake for such an attitude, but hey, at least I'm honest about it. I don't do this in secret, then have it come out when I run for office 20 years afterwards.
I believe in an afterlife, in having a good relationship with God, and following my moral code. I have it pretty great, I think; I had a great-grandmother and mother who really gave me great morals and standards to live by, through religion. Somewhere along the way I also kept an open mind about the 'fun' stuff, and sleep very well at night.
Don't take away from this that I'm some drugged out whore who uses his Bible as a coaster. I'm a really warm-hearted person, and I go out of my way to help people and do 'the right thing'. I also happen to be very politically centrist, in case you were wondering if I was a flower child drugged out whore. I just also don't think that God, or the government, has any right in poking their heads into my bedroom.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Hish asked, "How did you "meet a guy" for the first time, and how did it go?"
I have written very candidly about this before, so it's in the archives somewhere near the beginning of my blogging career. It was a really great experience, although a bit unorthodox, but I do not regret it at all. Where it could have been messy and left me very cold, it was a genuinely happy experience, probably the best I could have hoped for outside of having a long term boyfriend. I hope one day that I can be as wonderful to someone as this guy was to me, 'for the first time'.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Alex asked me, "What happened in that encounter that made you start blogging?"
Again, something that I've written about extensively, but an important question. It was Christmas of last year, 2006. I had been reading 'Debriefing the Boys' for about a month, and had just started 'Micifus'. This was about the time that I had also really taken a hard look at myself and began admitting that I wasn't straight, that the years I'd been jerking off to gay porn (not that I'd ever sleep with a guy, but it was hot to watch, I reasoned...) meant more than just a passing physical attraction.
During this time I became pretty depressed (from what I see now, looking back. I didn't realize at the time.) It was Christmas, I was surrounded by family, but I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about the fact that I wasn't straight. I was pretty much going out of my mind, and I needed an outlet. Here I was, reading about the adventures of two guys who had reconciled with their sexuality, and I realized if I ever wanted to be happy, I needed to do the same.
So I started blogging, getting my thoughts out and helping map my future moves. And I'm still here today.
- - - - - - - - - - -
A few people have asked, "What about your long-lost best friend that turned out to be gay?"
Well, I messaged him via Facebook suggesting that we have coffee and catch up, and never heard back from him. Ever.
I was a little miffed at first, but I realize now that I'm just sad about it. I really would like to catch up, and see if it's for sure true. Maybe have a good laugh about it.
At the moment, he's abroad, and has been since winter. Maybe when he gets back I'll try again. Also, his mom added me to Facebook and dropped me a line, there's a chance I can stimulate a coffee meeting through her. We'll see.
He's still gorgeous, though.
- - - - - - - - - - -
And finally...Jon asked, "What kind of underwear do you like?"
The kind that looks good on my floor?
OK, after that horrid stab at humour...Looking in my drawer, I'm pretty partial to Calvin Klein. I have a few other random pairs, including a couple Ginch Gonch. The GG's are super-comfy, and look pretty damn good too. Really, I've just tried the tip of the iceberg in terms of great underwear, but it doesn't hurt to have good old CK as a standby.
I know what I hate, though; any department store brand, Hanes, etc. Crappy material, crappy colours, crappy look and crappy feel! Do yourself a favour, get some cute underwear! You'll love them!
- - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks to everyone who had a question, I had fun doing this!
I didn't even realize that I had posted almost a week ago, then written nothing since! I'm a horrible blogger, I know. I'd like to blame the fact that I'm in exams, but I won't. I'll just mention it, and let you draw conclusions.
OK, and on to the answers!
Vodka & Crackers asked, "Right, what are the first 5 things that pop into your head when you wake up in the morning."
-gah is it (blank) a.m.?
-shit, do I have what I need to finish that assignment...
-...and when was it due again?
-(often lingering sense of failure or dread, mostly related to half-forgotten dreams from that night)
-oooh I like this song! / oooh I HATE this song...I'm going back to bed
Of course, that's when I'm in classes and/or perma-worried about things. On a day like today, it was more like:
-ooh 10 a.m.
-stretching is good
-sunshine!
-CNN (to start my day with a laugh)
-better get up
- - - - - - - - - - -
Manxxman asked, "Have you come any closer to telling your dad that you're gay?"
Closer? Well, if you mean do I still think about it every time I see him, then yes. I've thought a lot about how to tell him, when to tell him, where to tell him...and honestly it's all really confusing. Since this will be the first really 'bad' reaction I've gotten, I don't really know what to expect or how to handle it, or how I can minimize the blowup. I suppose it just has to happen.
That said, I really do need to tell him, and acknowledge that. I never once thought that I would go through life without telling him, but lately I just really have to bite my tongue so I don't blurt out "I'm gay" when the mood strikes me. I don't want it to be some spontaneous thing that just falls out accidentally. I have to talk to my mom about it, because she'll need to be aware of it to support both him and me depending on how things go.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Blueyedboy, who always leaves great comments (and somehow I never return the favour, I'm sorry! I'll try harder this spring) asked, "What are you studying at university and what do you plan to do after you graduate?"
While I don't want to discuss my major, or the university that I attend, for privacy reasons, I can talk about what I want to do after I graduate.
I really do want to move on to grad school. A very large part of me does not feel finished with education, and learning, and thinking that I may have to start a job one year from now is just a bit scary to me. Not that I'm turning into a career student, or hiding from the real world, but I do believe that I will benefit both in the short and long term by pursuing a grad school program.
The really big question is where I want to study. I have a few options in Toronto, but would like to expand my horizons, try the whole 'fresh start' thing in another city (not that I don't love Toronto). Sadly, there is nowhere else in Canada that appeals to me, as Toronto is the best and only city I would really consider living in here in the North. Studying abroad would be really interesting, but again, brings up a few questions. If I went to Europe, more specifically England, I wouldn't be living a life like the one I lead now. The difference would be great, I don't doubt, and I'm sure I would love it, but when I move away again I'm afraid it'll be a bit of a culture shock to come back to Canada.
As far as studying in the United States, again, I'm open minded about it. I'm not ready for New York yet, I know that much, and I can't see myself in a rural state like Kansas. Cities like Chicago, Seattle and San Fransisco are appealing to me, because they're big enough to enjoy all the splendor of a city while still being small enough to not be completely lost or drown out in a crowd of people.
Whatever happens, part of my summer will be spent figuring out what exactly I need to do in order to successfully apply to schools both at home and abroad.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Someone asked, "In your moment(s) of deepest longing, who or what are you thinking of?"
That's an interesting question, but depends on your definition of 'longing'. If I'm longing for some fantasy sex, I'm probably thinking of Sean Corwin or Dillon Samuels.
In moments of deep longing for a boyfriend, I don't really think of a 'person' since I haven't met him yet. Mostly I think about the qualities I would want in a potential partner, and just about the comfort that I one day hope to find. It's mostly reinforced with romantic stereotypes, me longing for the 'perfect' fit.
The way I've described it to myself as of late is a sort of male version of Emma Peel. The 'ultimate' man for me would be someone incredibly intelligent, driven, very classy, but still fun, loving and engaging. Not a snob, but someone who appreciates the 'finer things in life', as they say. Also, throw in some witty banter here and there, as well as the occasional bottle of champagne, and I'm pretty much ready to walk down the aisle.
In moments of general existential angst, I find myself longing to understand and be a part of the gay community. I think of how I want that group of friends who really understand what it's like to be 'the other' in society, a group to go out with and dance with sweaty boys all night. Generally, while I don't want to become a 'scene queen' or so conceited and buried in gay life that I forget who I am, I do want to actually have some gay in my life. I know it's not the requirement to be happy in life, but when I think about how out of touch with the gay community I am, I get a little scared. I know some of it is fueled by stereotypes, but at the core of it I do feel I'm missing out on a part of my life, and myself, that I don't get because I simply do not have the gay community in my life.
- - - - - - - - - - -
"Are you out to all your friends? How did that go?"
Honestly, I don't know who knows and who doesn't. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But after coming out to people time and time again, I just sort of stopped inserting it in conversations. Most people know, from what I understand.
The way I think of it (and want to keep it) is that everyone I've met in my university life knows, while people from back home do not. I don't mind if anyone I meet in Toronto knows, and while I don't expressly tell everyone, I'm sure it's gotten around. But I do care if people from high school, who I see rarely, find out. It has nothing to do with the five minutes we spend together at Christmas, and sadly it would become a huge topic of conversation.
As for how it all went, I've never had a 'bad' experience. People have been really great about it, with attitudes ranging from bored acknowledgement to excited 'Good for you!' I am very thankful to live in Toronto, where nobody really cares. It is a thought, though, that my progression as a gay man has somewhat 'faultered' because of all this good experience. I haven't been pushed away from my friends, or forced to live a different life on the side. I don't even want to use the word 'accepting', because people have been more than that; it is just a non-issue, as it should be. But, this has also not make me seek out a support system of other gays while I was coming out, at a time where I could cement a place in the gay community. Food for thought.
- - - - - - - - - - -
"What are your religious views?"
I've attempted to describe my religious views before, but I can never really get a definition that I'm comfortable with. I'll tell you what I do know.
I'm a Christian, I believe in one God, and Jesus, and all that Christian stuff. I believe it to my very core.
But within that, I'm a very liberal Christian. As long as I'm not doing harm to others, I don't really have a problem with doing anything. Alcohol, drugs, pre-marital sex, homosexual sex...all don't really offend me, and I have no qualms in partaking in any or all of them. I'm sure there are many Christians who would burn me at the stake for such an attitude, but hey, at least I'm honest about it. I don't do this in secret, then have it come out when I run for office 20 years afterwards.
I believe in an afterlife, in having a good relationship with God, and following my moral code. I have it pretty great, I think; I had a great-grandmother and mother who really gave me great morals and standards to live by, through religion. Somewhere along the way I also kept an open mind about the 'fun' stuff, and sleep very well at night.
Don't take away from this that I'm some drugged out whore who uses his Bible as a coaster. I'm a really warm-hearted person, and I go out of my way to help people and do 'the right thing'. I also happen to be very politically centrist, in case you were wondering if I was a flower child drugged out whore. I just also don't think that God, or the government, has any right in poking their heads into my bedroom.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Hish asked, "How did you "meet a guy" for the first time, and how did it go?"
I have written very candidly about this before, so it's in the archives somewhere near the beginning of my blogging career. It was a really great experience, although a bit unorthodox, but I do not regret it at all. Where it could have been messy and left me very cold, it was a genuinely happy experience, probably the best I could have hoped for outside of having a long term boyfriend. I hope one day that I can be as wonderful to someone as this guy was to me, 'for the first time'.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Alex asked me, "What happened in that encounter that made you start blogging?"
Again, something that I've written about extensively, but an important question. It was Christmas of last year, 2006. I had been reading 'Debriefing the Boys' for about a month, and had just started 'Micifus'. This was about the time that I had also really taken a hard look at myself and began admitting that I wasn't straight, that the years I'd been jerking off to gay porn (not that I'd ever sleep with a guy, but it was hot to watch, I reasoned...) meant more than just a passing physical attraction.
During this time I became pretty depressed (from what I see now, looking back. I didn't realize at the time.) It was Christmas, I was surrounded by family, but I couldn't stop thinking and worrying about the fact that I wasn't straight. I was pretty much going out of my mind, and I needed an outlet. Here I was, reading about the adventures of two guys who had reconciled with their sexuality, and I realized if I ever wanted to be happy, I needed to do the same.
So I started blogging, getting my thoughts out and helping map my future moves. And I'm still here today.
- - - - - - - - - - -
A few people have asked, "What about your long-lost best friend that turned out to be gay?"
Well, I messaged him via Facebook suggesting that we have coffee and catch up, and never heard back from him. Ever.
I was a little miffed at first, but I realize now that I'm just sad about it. I really would like to catch up, and see if it's for sure true. Maybe have a good laugh about it.
At the moment, he's abroad, and has been since winter. Maybe when he gets back I'll try again. Also, his mom added me to Facebook and dropped me a line, there's a chance I can stimulate a coffee meeting through her. We'll see.
He's still gorgeous, though.
- - - - - - - - - - -
And finally...Jon asked, "What kind of underwear do you like?"
The kind that looks good on my floor?
OK, after that horrid stab at humour...Looking in my drawer, I'm pretty partial to Calvin Klein. I have a few other random pairs, including a couple Ginch Gonch. The GG's are super-comfy, and look pretty damn good too. Really, I've just tried the tip of the iceberg in terms of great underwear, but it doesn't hurt to have good old CK as a standby.
I know what I hate, though; any department store brand, Hanes, etc. Crappy material, crappy colours, crappy look and crappy feel! Do yourself a favour, get some cute underwear! You'll love them!
- - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks to everyone who had a question, I had fun doing this!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
What's on your mind...
It crossed my mind the other day that people might have something more to say.
I've decided to throw open the floodgates (that weren't ever really closed but rather not used) and welcome reader/fellow bloggers questions. Ever want to ask me something? Well, now's your chance.
I think it might be a bit fun to see what people want to know that I haven't already said, to see if I'm doing a good job at communicating myself to you or to see if there are mysteries about me yet unsolved.
So, go ahead. Ask me whatever. You don't even have to use your name, if you want to be anonymous whilst asking embarrassing or sensitive questions. Or even if you just feel like it. Not saying I'm going to answer every one, depending on how racy, but I'll do my best at answering them.
Let me see if I can satisfy your curiosity.
I've decided to throw open the floodgates (that weren't ever really closed but rather not used) and welcome reader/fellow bloggers questions. Ever want to ask me something? Well, now's your chance.
I think it might be a bit fun to see what people want to know that I haven't already said, to see if I'm doing a good job at communicating myself to you or to see if there are mysteries about me yet unsolved.
So, go ahead. Ask me whatever. You don't even have to use your name, if you want to be anonymous whilst asking embarrassing or sensitive questions. Or even if you just feel like it. Not saying I'm going to answer every one, depending on how racy, but I'll do my best at answering them.
Let me see if I can satisfy your curiosity.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Turned tables...
You've probably noticed the poll's I've conducted, on the right of your screen.
I was curious a little while back about who exactly was walking through my door. After all, this is the anonymous Internet, and site counters don't keep track of if you're a bisexual 30-something who likes reading about my comical stabs at being gay...
So I drafted up the two polls to try and "capture the snapshot," if you will, of who all is reading. Here's what I've found:
Ages -
Under 29: 31 (60%)
30-45: 12 (23%)
46-60: 7 (13%)
60+: 1 (1%)
Orientations -
Gay Male: 50 (63%)
Bi/Pansexual Male: 10 (12%)
Questioning/Curious Male: 6 (7%)
Straight Male: 5 (6%)
Lesbian Female: 1 (1%)
Bi/Pansexual Female: 0
Straight Female: 3 (3%)
None of the Above: 4 (4%)
First off, I appologize to anyone who was offended by any of the categories. As for age, yeah, I know I'm lumping a lot of different groups pretty close together, but I was just looking for a general trend. In terms of orientations, I realize I didn't put any options for Trans people, or people with undefined sexualities. I'm sorry.
So, not surprisingly, you guys are mostly under 30 gay men. But it's interesting to note that people of all ages are reading, and I think it's really amazing that anyone over my age is reading...I hope that means I'm hitting on some universal topics that are of interest to everyone.
But, like any good researcher, I'm more interested in the outlyer results. I'm a little surprised that so few straight women are reading...I guess that's a general stereotype that women are interested in the lives of gay men. I couldn't seem to get women interested in my back in High School...and it seems that hasn't changed! Though I mind a hell of a lot less...
To all the questioning/curious guys reading, I hope some of the things I've written have been a help in trying to figure yourself out. I'd suggest going back and checking some of the really old entries to see where I was coming from, and how things developed. And of course, I wish you all the best of luck in your own journey.
What amazed me the most was that 5 STRAIGHT males are reading! Guys, that's amazing. You're all a rare breed, and I'm so impressed that you've taken the time to read about things you may not want to hear about... Really, you people, whoever you are, are an inspiration and I hope the rest of the world catches up to your attitude and acceptance of us ominous 'others'.
So there you have it, a brief look at your fellow readers! Another obvious question would be, "Are you out?" but maybe I'll save that for another time.
Until then, thanks for voting.
I was curious a little while back about who exactly was walking through my door. After all, this is the anonymous Internet, and site counters don't keep track of if you're a bisexual 30-something who likes reading about my comical stabs at being gay...
So I drafted up the two polls to try and "capture the snapshot," if you will, of who all is reading. Here's what I've found:
Ages -
Under 29: 31 (60%)
30-45: 12 (23%)
46-60: 7 (13%)
60+: 1 (1%)
Orientations -
Gay Male: 50 (63%)
Bi/Pansexual Male: 10 (12%)
Questioning/Curious Male: 6 (7%)
Straight Male: 5 (6%)
Lesbian Female: 1 (1%)
Bi/Pansexual Female: 0
Straight Female: 3 (3%)
None of the Above: 4 (4%)
First off, I appologize to anyone who was offended by any of the categories. As for age, yeah, I know I'm lumping a lot of different groups pretty close together, but I was just looking for a general trend. In terms of orientations, I realize I didn't put any options for Trans people, or people with undefined sexualities. I'm sorry.
So, not surprisingly, you guys are mostly under 30 gay men. But it's interesting to note that people of all ages are reading, and I think it's really amazing that anyone over my age is reading...I hope that means I'm hitting on some universal topics that are of interest to everyone.
But, like any good researcher, I'm more interested in the outlyer results. I'm a little surprised that so few straight women are reading...I guess that's a general stereotype that women are interested in the lives of gay men. I couldn't seem to get women interested in my back in High School...and it seems that hasn't changed! Though I mind a hell of a lot less...
To all the questioning/curious guys reading, I hope some of the things I've written have been a help in trying to figure yourself out. I'd suggest going back and checking some of the really old entries to see where I was coming from, and how things developed. And of course, I wish you all the best of luck in your own journey.
What amazed me the most was that 5 STRAIGHT males are reading! Guys, that's amazing. You're all a rare breed, and I'm so impressed that you've taken the time to read about things you may not want to hear about... Really, you people, whoever you are, are an inspiration and I hope the rest of the world catches up to your attitude and acceptance of us ominous 'others'.
So there you have it, a brief look at your fellow readers! Another obvious question would be, "Are you out?" but maybe I'll save that for another time.
Until then, thanks for voting.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Three hundred and sixty five days...
A lot has changed.
More than I ever thought it could. Good. Bad. Otherwise.
I can gladly say I feel more at peace with myself today than I did exactly one year ago, when I flailed wildly, resisting myself and hating my circumstance. It was so hard for me to understand...but I knew I was doomed to unhappiness and self-hatred and loneliness if I continued to let things be. I also had no idea what to do, where to go, and who to turn to.
Over the past year, my life has changed more than it had in the 20 years before it. For the first time I kissed and meant it, held hands and got the flutter in my chest, dated same-sex partners, gone to bed with them...
Sitting here now, I almost cannot imagine my life without these things. It seems like five years ago, not one, that things started to change. I am so very thankful that they did.
Am I at peace with myself now, 100%? Yes and no. I'm at peace with my sexuality. I don't have that crushing weight on my chest that screamed the need for change and to let me be me. I'm at peace with my friends, who have not turned their backs on me during my harder days or lost respect for me because I'm 'different'. I'm happy to say I love sex!
You know that I still have my tumultuous times, mostly centering around my place in the gay universe. I feel isolated from the gay community in a way I didn't really see myself feeling when I started this journey. A year out of a lifetime isn't exactly a long time, but when it feels like the rest of the world can just come out and embrace things, learn and understand and become part of a community, I feel like I'm very much behind. I'm not at peace with that aspect of my life.
I'm also not at peace with my family. I'm still worried my Mom doesn't really grasp the situation, and I haven't even told Dad yet. How badly I just want it to be out there, so I can stop wondering about what might happen if someone said something...I just want more of a resolution to this part. It's not that I don't know who I am, but I want my close family to know and understand, and ultimately accept too.
Like I have said before, I don't regret the things I've done. I do, however, regret things I did not do. I'm not an extrovert with brazen sensibilities. I think before I act...sometimes too much and for too long. I don't regret the people I've met, the places I've gone or the decisions I made. I'm just sorry that I didn't do more, pushed myself out on a limb and really took myself to the limit. I regret the simplest things, like a missed kiss. I regret the biggest things, like not forcing myself to join the GLBT group at school, or forcing myself to walk through that bar door instead of past it.
What surprises me the most about my experience is how hard it's been, even at my age. I was 20 when I started this journey, and everyone said how young I was and how I had my entire life ahead of me. I will never understand the younger gay guys, some even as young as high school kids, who somehow figure things out, come out and really get the most out of life as a young gay man. Even now after all my progress, I have relatively little gay 'street cred' compared to these twinky boys who were out at age 16. And jealous as I may be for their position in society, I am also overwhelmingly happy for them, that they did not have to go through so many years, when life is so simple, not understanding themselves and not being who they are.
This blog has been my saviour. Without writing my thoughts down, I would never have been able to think things through, and come to a better understanding of how I feel and what I want. Many times I have started writing a post only to have an, "Ahhh," moment, seeing the light and getting a better understanding of my problems, positions and questions. Without the act of writing, I don't know how I would have discovered things about myself.
I also cannot wrap my mind around how fundamentally blogging has changed my world. Because of this blog, I know people all across North America and Europe, who were in the same similar situation as I was. I've met bloggers in person, spent hours on IM to people I may never meet, and texted and phoned my newfound friends, sorting out our lives and our places in the world. Without bloggers and readers, I would never have considered things, understood myself and the world we live in like I do.
In some ways, I wonder if our blogging is a bit of a curse as well. How would things have been different for me if I could not blog, but was forced to start my coming out some other way? Would I have gone to the GLBT office on campus and talked to someone there? Would I have visited a bathhouse in desperate search of answers? Would I still be in the closet, miserable and defeated? Would I have killed myself by now?
I will never know the answers. In some ways I wonder if I could have found what I was looking for faster had I just thrown myself to the wolves. But a large part of me looks at that alternate universe and sees nothing but black because of the missing component of this blog. I do not know where I would be if it was not for all of you. When I think of the faces of people I now know, I cannot imagine life without knowing you. And quite simply, I would never have known you.
This journey has been hard. Not a single step has been easy, unquestioned or painless. There have been times when my energy is tapped, when I have no more to give to myself and nowhere else to get it from. I have felt alone and afraid, with no one to turn to. I have pat the empty side of my bed and asked my eternal question, "Why?" I have cried with and because of my family.
But I have come so far.
Am I proud of myself? Who knows. I'm pleased that I know who I am now, that I understand myself and accept myself. I'm happy that I've come out to my friends and can live freely in my identity. I'm glad I have more to myself than the fact I'm 'gay', and that people seem to recognize that. I'm happy that I've tried (though failed) to love and be loved. Still, I feel there is so much to do... but maybe the worst is behind me.
Thank you for being with me, for however many of the past 365 days you have been. I hope you'll stick around for the next 365.
More than I ever thought it could. Good. Bad. Otherwise.
I can gladly say I feel more at peace with myself today than I did exactly one year ago, when I flailed wildly, resisting myself and hating my circumstance. It was so hard for me to understand...but I knew I was doomed to unhappiness and self-hatred and loneliness if I continued to let things be. I also had no idea what to do, where to go, and who to turn to.
Over the past year, my life has changed more than it had in the 20 years before it. For the first time I kissed and meant it, held hands and got the flutter in my chest, dated same-sex partners, gone to bed with them...
Sitting here now, I almost cannot imagine my life without these things. It seems like five years ago, not one, that things started to change. I am so very thankful that they did.
Am I at peace with myself now, 100%? Yes and no. I'm at peace with my sexuality. I don't have that crushing weight on my chest that screamed the need for change and to let me be me. I'm at peace with my friends, who have not turned their backs on me during my harder days or lost respect for me because I'm 'different'. I'm happy to say I love sex!
You know that I still have my tumultuous times, mostly centering around my place in the gay universe. I feel isolated from the gay community in a way I didn't really see myself feeling when I started this journey. A year out of a lifetime isn't exactly a long time, but when it feels like the rest of the world can just come out and embrace things, learn and understand and become part of a community, I feel like I'm very much behind. I'm not at peace with that aspect of my life.
I'm also not at peace with my family. I'm still worried my Mom doesn't really grasp the situation, and I haven't even told Dad yet. How badly I just want it to be out there, so I can stop wondering about what might happen if someone said something...I just want more of a resolution to this part. It's not that I don't know who I am, but I want my close family to know and understand, and ultimately accept too.
Like I have said before, I don't regret the things I've done. I do, however, regret things I did not do. I'm not an extrovert with brazen sensibilities. I think before I act...sometimes too much and for too long. I don't regret the people I've met, the places I've gone or the decisions I made. I'm just sorry that I didn't do more, pushed myself out on a limb and really took myself to the limit. I regret the simplest things, like a missed kiss. I regret the biggest things, like not forcing myself to join the GLBT group at school, or forcing myself to walk through that bar door instead of past it.
What surprises me the most about my experience is how hard it's been, even at my age. I was 20 when I started this journey, and everyone said how young I was and how I had my entire life ahead of me. I will never understand the younger gay guys, some even as young as high school kids, who somehow figure things out, come out and really get the most out of life as a young gay man. Even now after all my progress, I have relatively little gay 'street cred' compared to these twinky boys who were out at age 16. And jealous as I may be for their position in society, I am also overwhelmingly happy for them, that they did not have to go through so many years, when life is so simple, not understanding themselves and not being who they are.
This blog has been my saviour. Without writing my thoughts down, I would never have been able to think things through, and come to a better understanding of how I feel and what I want. Many times I have started writing a post only to have an, "Ahhh," moment, seeing the light and getting a better understanding of my problems, positions and questions. Without the act of writing, I don't know how I would have discovered things about myself.
I also cannot wrap my mind around how fundamentally blogging has changed my world. Because of this blog, I know people all across North America and Europe, who were in the same similar situation as I was. I've met bloggers in person, spent hours on IM to people I may never meet, and texted and phoned my newfound friends, sorting out our lives and our places in the world. Without bloggers and readers, I would never have considered things, understood myself and the world we live in like I do.
In some ways, I wonder if our blogging is a bit of a curse as well. How would things have been different for me if I could not blog, but was forced to start my coming out some other way? Would I have gone to the GLBT office on campus and talked to someone there? Would I have visited a bathhouse in desperate search of answers? Would I still be in the closet, miserable and defeated? Would I have killed myself by now?
I will never know the answers. In some ways I wonder if I could have found what I was looking for faster had I just thrown myself to the wolves. But a large part of me looks at that alternate universe and sees nothing but black because of the missing component of this blog. I do not know where I would be if it was not for all of you. When I think of the faces of people I now know, I cannot imagine life without knowing you. And quite simply, I would never have known you.
This journey has been hard. Not a single step has been easy, unquestioned or painless. There have been times when my energy is tapped, when I have no more to give to myself and nowhere else to get it from. I have felt alone and afraid, with no one to turn to. I have pat the empty side of my bed and asked my eternal question, "Why?" I have cried with and because of my family.
But I have come so far.
Am I proud of myself? Who knows. I'm pleased that I know who I am now, that I understand myself and accept myself. I'm happy that I've come out to my friends and can live freely in my identity. I'm glad I have more to myself than the fact I'm 'gay', and that people seem to recognize that. I'm happy that I've tried (though failed) to love and be loved. Still, I feel there is so much to do... but maybe the worst is behind me.
Thank you for being with me, for however many of the past 365 days you have been. I hope you'll stick around for the next 365.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Speaking of...
I apologize for the tardiness in my posts.
I've been off the grid since Wednesday evening, and actually semi-busy doing things. So for your brief entertainment tonight, here's a few random thoughts from my week.
---
Seems like Elevator Boy had a party. At least that’s what Facebook said. One of the newsfeed items was that someone we both know was attending some sort of shindig at his place, so naturally I clicked to see where and who would be attending.
Not that I knew anyone going other than our one mutual connection, I was intrigued just the same. Then I thought I was getting creepy on my Facebook stalking and promptly closed the window and forgot about it. After all, my main goal with him is to simply introduce myself so I don’t feel like a stalker every time I see him. And checking out his Facebook does not help that argument.
---
Speaking of Facebook, it’s been weeks, and I still have not heard from Former Gay Best Friend. Makes me a little sad that he couldn’t take the time out to answer me, even if it was just to say no thanks. After all, he was the one who added me to Facebook; he initiated conversation earlier with a few messages back and forth.
So now I’m tempted to message again to just see if he’ll reply. Perhaps I just got lost in the shuffle online and he didn’t remember getting the message? I’m not sure…hey man, if you happen to be a reader, don’t be freaked out! Message me, because we have a lot to talk about. (That was my imagination just now, in case you didn’t notice…)
---
Speaking of gay boys, I’ve been seeing my fuck buddy a little more often than usual. More often being more than once a month, but less than once a week. Our meetings are fun, because I get to have sex. But it’s getting to the point where things are getting a bit…stale. I want a little more ‘challenging’ sex, if that makes any sense. We basically do the deed, and while that is always enjoyable, he’s very lazy in bed and doesn’t go out of his way to make it a fully engaged experience.
Plus, he apparently doesn’t like to bottom. This puzzles me to no end, because I cannot imagine a boy who does not take at least some pleasure from the act. He also is tongue tied while we’re in bed, but has no problem in telling me online what he likes and doesn’t like.
“Yeah, sure,” he said to my last message asking if he was free. “But you can’t fuck me. I’m so not into that haha.”
Hrm…I really should find someone new to sleep with.
---
Speaking of lazy, I’ve been terrible at keeping up my links. There are so many people I need to link to, and a few I have to remove due to retirement. I would also like to overhaul the layout, because I haven’t changed it once since I started blogging. But because I am both unmotivated and untechnologically skilled when working in HTML/online stuff, I don’t know how to do that. Any requests/suggestions for what you’d like to see changed?
I've been off the grid since Wednesday evening, and actually semi-busy doing things. So for your brief entertainment tonight, here's a few random thoughts from my week.
---
Seems like Elevator Boy had a party. At least that’s what Facebook said. One of the newsfeed items was that someone we both know was attending some sort of shindig at his place, so naturally I clicked to see where and who would be attending.
Not that I knew anyone going other than our one mutual connection, I was intrigued just the same. Then I thought I was getting creepy on my Facebook stalking and promptly closed the window and forgot about it. After all, my main goal with him is to simply introduce myself so I don’t feel like a stalker every time I see him. And checking out his Facebook does not help that argument.
---
Speaking of Facebook, it’s been weeks, and I still have not heard from Former Gay Best Friend. Makes me a little sad that he couldn’t take the time out to answer me, even if it was just to say no thanks. After all, he was the one who added me to Facebook; he initiated conversation earlier with a few messages back and forth.
So now I’m tempted to message again to just see if he’ll reply. Perhaps I just got lost in the shuffle online and he didn’t remember getting the message? I’m not sure…hey man, if you happen to be a reader, don’t be freaked out! Message me, because we have a lot to talk about. (That was my imagination just now, in case you didn’t notice…)
---
Speaking of gay boys, I’ve been seeing my fuck buddy a little more often than usual. More often being more than once a month, but less than once a week. Our meetings are fun, because I get to have sex. But it’s getting to the point where things are getting a bit…stale. I want a little more ‘challenging’ sex, if that makes any sense. We basically do the deed, and while that is always enjoyable, he’s very lazy in bed and doesn’t go out of his way to make it a fully engaged experience.
Plus, he apparently doesn’t like to bottom. This puzzles me to no end, because I cannot imagine a boy who does not take at least some pleasure from the act. He also is tongue tied while we’re in bed, but has no problem in telling me online what he likes and doesn’t like.
“Yeah, sure,” he said to my last message asking if he was free. “But you can’t fuck me. I’m so not into that haha.”
Hrm…I really should find someone new to sleep with.
---
Speaking of lazy, I’ve been terrible at keeping up my links. There are so many people I need to link to, and a few I have to remove due to retirement. I would also like to overhaul the layout, because I haven’t changed it once since I started blogging. But because I am both unmotivated and untechnologically skilled when working in HTML/online stuff, I don’t know how to do that. Any requests/suggestions for what you’d like to see changed?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Junk...
For some bizarre reason I have started to receive spam.
One was for some penis augmentation pills, purporting the UK's best prices. The other was a deal for cheap auto insurance.
I'll never understand the Internet and how spammers get your e-mail address. Other than receiving and sending e-mails to other human persons through this address, I have not signed up for anything. It's very strange to me that I would be getting such crazy e-mails for an address that is practically unlisted, and rarely used.
At any rate, I thought I should take a moment to invite some more welcomed communication to my inbox. Ever want to get in touch with me? Ask a question? Insult me? Well, you are more than welcome to e-mail me at frozen.underwear@gmail.com if you please. I know my address is listed publicly, but take this as an invite if you were ever hesitant.
Comments are always very much appreciated and enjoyed. Thank you to all who have contributed to discussions and helped me answer some of my musings. I do not censor them or reject anonymous comments, so if you don't want your identity to be known, feel free to stay anonymous.
For those of you more inclined to use an IM service, I've got my AIM and MSN up and running under the account frozen.underwear@gmail.com for all your instant-communication needs. I'll actually try and be online now and then, too.
And finally, thank you for reading. Let's consider August 28th 'Blogger Reader Appreciation Day'. It's nice to know people actually check out my page from time to time, and it's very rewarding to write for such a good audience. Thank you!
One was for some penis augmentation pills, purporting the UK's best prices. The other was a deal for cheap auto insurance.
I'll never understand the Internet and how spammers get your e-mail address. Other than receiving and sending e-mails to other human persons through this address, I have not signed up for anything. It's very strange to me that I would be getting such crazy e-mails for an address that is practically unlisted, and rarely used.
At any rate, I thought I should take a moment to invite some more welcomed communication to my inbox. Ever want to get in touch with me? Ask a question? Insult me? Well, you are more than welcome to e-mail me at frozen.underwear@gmail.com if you please. I know my address is listed publicly, but take this as an invite if you were ever hesitant.
Comments are always very much appreciated and enjoyed. Thank you to all who have contributed to discussions and helped me answer some of my musings. I do not censor them or reject anonymous comments, so if you don't want your identity to be known, feel free to stay anonymous.
For those of you more inclined to use an IM service, I've got my AIM and MSN up and running under the account frozen.underwear@gmail.com for all your instant-communication needs. I'll actually try and be online now and then, too.
And finally, thank you for reading. Let's consider August 28th 'Blogger Reader Appreciation Day'. It's nice to know people actually check out my page from time to time, and it's very rewarding to write for such a good audience. Thank you!
Completely self-centred goal...
I realized tonight I have achieved a goal I had set out long ago.
Nothing that I had written down, or really committed to actual goal-dom, such as the way other goals are recorded. I did not write it on a white piece of paper, fold it six times and tear it into bits, then cast the shards over a crystal-blue lake in a valiant effort to signify how important this goal was.
Nowhere near that interesting. But ultimately so satisfying.
Tonight I went to Google. And I typed in 'frozen underwear'. And I am the first page that Google takes you to.
That's right, I have beaten all other references of 'frozen underwear', to take the top spot on Google's search engine. For those keywords, at any rate.
When I first started writing, it was a secret goal for me to take that spot. Previously when searching those keywords, I was greeted with a few eclectic selections, including lyrics for a song which mentioned frozen underwear. There was another proclamation, "They froze my underwear!". And some other garbage, including underwear for sale online.
I existed, buried several pages into the search, possibly on the fourth or fifth page of 'frozen underwear' references. A nothing, helpless, deserted in a maze of meaningless jumbled phrases that happened to include my keywords. (That is not to say that indeed, today, I am a something.)
But I have out-linked them all, taking the top spot. All within the 8 months I have been writing.
I'd like to thank the academy...
Nothing that I had written down, or really committed to actual goal-dom, such as the way other goals are recorded. I did not write it on a white piece of paper, fold it six times and tear it into bits, then cast the shards over a crystal-blue lake in a valiant effort to signify how important this goal was.
Nowhere near that interesting. But ultimately so satisfying.
Tonight I went to Google. And I typed in 'frozen underwear'. And I am the first page that Google takes you to.
That's right, I have beaten all other references of 'frozen underwear', to take the top spot on Google's search engine. For those keywords, at any rate.
When I first started writing, it was a secret goal for me to take that spot. Previously when searching those keywords, I was greeted with a few eclectic selections, including lyrics for a song which mentioned frozen underwear. There was another proclamation, "They froze my underwear!". And some other garbage, including underwear for sale online.
I existed, buried several pages into the search, possibly on the fourth or fifth page of 'frozen underwear' references. A nothing, helpless, deserted in a maze of meaningless jumbled phrases that happened to include my keywords. (That is not to say that indeed, today, I am a something.)
But I have out-linked them all, taking the top spot. All within the 8 months I have been writing.
I'd like to thank the academy...
Friday, June 29, 2007
Truer words...
Weather or not it actually exists, it feels like a certain camaraderie is shared amongst bloggers.
Who knows what it is exactly. Maybe because some of us are starting our journey, we feed from each other's experiences and quietly gain strength from the words of others. Other times it's the reassurance that life can indeed be fulfilling and good things do happen to good people.
At any rate, it offers fellow writers something even better than being a fly on the wall reader; we have the ability to creatively feed from each other, and to let others ideas be further explored in our own space.
On top of that, I feel like I could befriend a number of you. Hell, I feel like in some obscure way, we are friends. Even though I haven't yet talked to many of you, the fact that we read each other's notebooks gives the feeling that indeed we are communicating with one another, even if it's not at a conversational level.
So without further adieu, here are some blogs that I read and learn from, and that I have added to my list of links after too long of a time.
Blue Eyed Boy
The blue eyed boy from somewhere in England, who's not a whole lot older than me but seemingly infinitely more together. What can I say other than I respect him and strive to be as quietly optimistic as he is. I can see similarities between us, but I wonder if I can ever be as amazingly OK as he is.
About A Boy And His Briefs
A fascinating New Yorker who loves life and lives in the moment. Comfortable in his skin, and comfortable with showing off his jaw-dropping body, the testament of a man with a past, but someone happy in his present. With eloquent and short posts, a great read.
The Wilde American
I haven't read this entire blog, but am struck with the quality of writing. Someone who experiences more in a week than many hope to experience in a year, but keeps his head at least mostly close to the ground. His photography is great, and the writing at many times gives you the 'you are there' sensation.
You've Got A Gay
Dealing with his sexuality, the idea of coming out, and what it all means, this blog has a bit of everything. Hailing from the straight-but-gay camp, he's working through what it means to be gay but not have any of the flaming homosexual flags associated with it.
Rabid Mongoose
A wicked sense of humor, this not-so-anonymous blogger is an example of someone with his head firmly planted on his shoulders. After going through a few rocky years, he's sharing his stories of the past and the present with a witty and stylized writing style. With the qualities of the type of gay guy I would hope to be, he is simply who he is, and comfortable with it.
Nothing Golden Stays
Another mid-20's closeted guy who writes intensely. Following his life, with the revaluation that his sister now knows about his sexuality. An interesting guy, an interesting writer, another story that's being told, before the dawn goes down to day.
Closet NS
A fellow Canadian from a few miles east of me...living in the fine city of Halifax and just starting his blogging career. According to his first post, he likes sports, politics and beer, so we'd get along pretty well with two of those three things. But probably I could just ogle him while he plays sports, and then it'd be 3 for 3. By examining his history, he's getting himself ready for his Christmas goal - come out to his close friends. A promising read, hopefully he gets as addicted with blogging as many of us seem to be.
So there you have it. I'm sure that practically everyone already reads some/all of these blogs, but I wanted to bring them up in case someone hasn't seen them yet. A smattering of people in different walks of life, but with the common thread that is part of the core of our very existence. I hope you learn as much as I have from them.
And to the fellow bloggers, lots of love and admiration for you. Thank you for letting us into your life.
Who knows what it is exactly. Maybe because some of us are starting our journey, we feed from each other's experiences and quietly gain strength from the words of others. Other times it's the reassurance that life can indeed be fulfilling and good things do happen to good people.
At any rate, it offers fellow writers something even better than being a fly on the wall reader; we have the ability to creatively feed from each other, and to let others ideas be further explored in our own space.
On top of that, I feel like I could befriend a number of you. Hell, I feel like in some obscure way, we are friends. Even though I haven't yet talked to many of you, the fact that we read each other's notebooks gives the feeling that indeed we are communicating with one another, even if it's not at a conversational level.
So without further adieu, here are some blogs that I read and learn from, and that I have added to my list of links after too long of a time.
Blue Eyed Boy
The blue eyed boy from somewhere in England, who's not a whole lot older than me but seemingly infinitely more together. What can I say other than I respect him and strive to be as quietly optimistic as he is. I can see similarities between us, but I wonder if I can ever be as amazingly OK as he is.
About A Boy And His Briefs
A fascinating New Yorker who loves life and lives in the moment. Comfortable in his skin, and comfortable with showing off his jaw-dropping body, the testament of a man with a past, but someone happy in his present. With eloquent and short posts, a great read.
The Wilde American
I haven't read this entire blog, but am struck with the quality of writing. Someone who experiences more in a week than many hope to experience in a year, but keeps his head at least mostly close to the ground. His photography is great, and the writing at many times gives you the 'you are there' sensation.
You've Got A Gay
Dealing with his sexuality, the idea of coming out, and what it all means, this blog has a bit of everything. Hailing from the straight-but-gay camp, he's working through what it means to be gay but not have any of the flaming homosexual flags associated with it.
Rabid Mongoose
A wicked sense of humor, this not-so-anonymous blogger is an example of someone with his head firmly planted on his shoulders. After going through a few rocky years, he's sharing his stories of the past and the present with a witty and stylized writing style. With the qualities of the type of gay guy I would hope to be, he is simply who he is, and comfortable with it.
Nothing Golden Stays
Another mid-20's closeted guy who writes intensely. Following his life, with the revaluation that his sister now knows about his sexuality. An interesting guy, an interesting writer, another story that's being told, before the dawn goes down to day.
Closet NS
A fellow Canadian from a few miles east of me...living in the fine city of Halifax and just starting his blogging career. According to his first post, he likes sports, politics and beer, so we'd get along pretty well with two of those three things. But probably I could just ogle him while he plays sports, and then it'd be 3 for 3. By examining his history, he's getting himself ready for his Christmas goal - come out to his close friends. A promising read, hopefully he gets as addicted with blogging as many of us seem to be.
So there you have it. I'm sure that practically everyone already reads some/all of these blogs, but I wanted to bring them up in case someone hasn't seen them yet. A smattering of people in different walks of life, but with the common thread that is part of the core of our very existence. I hope you learn as much as I have from them.
And to the fellow bloggers, lots of love and admiration for you. Thank you for letting us into your life.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Happy 100-ish posts...
Well hell, guess who's turned 100.
I guess it's a pretty big deal! Though I really am not too worked up over it. I mean, I've still got lots to say, and I'm happy with what's been said so far.
Thank you to everyone who's supported me throughout these months, and to all those who have commented. It's really nice to know there are people out there. And for those of you who are just readers, thanks for your time.
I have had the great pleasure of enjoying some great conversations and e-mail correspondance with some of you. It's very fufilling to actually learn and converse with people who have read what I have to say. Thank you all.
And finally, a special shout out to Tim. (God, I can't believe I just wrote 'shout out'...). I can't imagine not having our sporratic chats, and I'd like to think we've become friends, even if it's an exclusively 'online thing'. For now, anyway.
So without further interuption, 102 things about me.
1. I'm an only child.
2. My parents just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
3. My family has never moved, I've lived in the same house my whole life until going to school.
4. My newest obsession is mint green tea.
5. As a child I almost died from Meningitis.
6. I am terrified of needles, injections, drawing blood...and I blame being continually needled through my childhood.
7. I really want a tatoo, but when I think about being stabbed by 5 rotating needles, I get queasy.
8. My dream vacation, as of this moment, is visiting England, and living in a cottage in some small, Miss Marple-esque village.
9. Apparently I don't snore, but make some soft noise when I'm sleeping. It's 'cute'.
10. If I were an American citizen, I would have only one career goal -join the FBI.
11. Since I'm not, I could join the Mounties...but they just aren't as cool.
12. I think of myself as boring, but realize that I lead a fairly interesting life compared to some.
13. In high school I always prided myself on actually being non-conformist...that is to say, I wasn't Emo, Goth, or really interested in any current teen trends.
14. I listen to country music. But sometimes it makes me cringe.
15. My favorite chocolate bar is Mars.
16. I have two favorite TV shows: Frasier and I Love Lucy.
17. I despise majority of shows on network television.
18. I am a watch/clock whore, which psych students will have a field day with.
19. I've never been to the west coast of either Canada or the US.
20. I hate math, and promise never again to take it in any school setting.
21. I consider myself a praticing Christian, though don't attend chuch too often. My atheist friends say I'm not sipiritual enough to be a non-conformist Christian, but my churchgoing friends say I'm not traditional enough.
22. Though I never really believed in the 'grand plan' approach to life, lately things have happened in an all too organized manner.
23. I still think you make your own choices, and that you ultimately can change your destiny.
24. I collect LP's and prefer listening to my vinyl over CD's any day.
25. I spend majority of my 'fun money' on music...tickets, LP's, etc.
26. The morning after drinking, I reach for the apple juice. Makes you feel better every time!
27. When I meet people I consciously look them in their left eye; you can't break eye contact without moving away.
28. After I meet people, I rarely remember their names right away, and need to be constantly reminded.
29. I don't have a hero that's alive. Mine are all dead. Ohhh, how faux-poetic.
30. I am usually astonished about the things people say at least once a day, and check the calendar to indeed see that we live in the 21st century.
31. I am a worrier, even when I dwell on things completely out of my control.
32. I don't like small children, and though I want kids at some point, I want them to come pre-aged to about 5 years old.
33. Christmas is my favorite holiday of all time.
34. I dream of actually being financially stable enough to take off for weekends away with my friends/special someone.
35. People tell me that I'm really sarcastic. But it's not usually a compliment.
36. I tried contacts once, but felt really dizzy after getting one on. But I really, really want to try them again.
37. My favorite martini is a Cosmo, no exceptions. Now, the hard part is actually finding a good one when you're out...
38. I have one full set of grandparents, and one half set.
39. I'm 6'2" tall.
40. I have no clue what blood type I am.
41. There is no male I consider one of my 'best friends'.
42. I have 3 'best friends', one of whom I'll be living with in September.
43. Whenever I'm in the car alone, I sing practically nonstop.
44. I can't sing in the shower, even though I have a shower radio.
45. I love tomato juice on my Kraft Dinner.
46. It is my esteemed opinion that vegans and vegetarians simply don't know what they're missing.
47. I like to know as much as I can about people, and keep up on my friend's lives.
48. I don't gossip, I talk about people who I care about only with other like minded people.
49. I want a great, influental job that allows me to travel and live part-time in another country.
50. I wear Dior Homme cologne everyday.
51. I smoke occasionally and socially, but would never pick it up as a full-time thing.
52. The longest I've ever gone smoking was my 3 weeks in France.
53. Next September I plan on getting a very part time job at Starbucks.
54. Fleetwood Mac just isn't the same without Christine McVie.
55. I'm not friends with anyone I went to elementary school with.
56. Red over white wine, unless it's deathly hot out, then white takes the cake.
57. If you gave me a delicious carrot cake, I would seriously consider sleeping with you.
58. My dream job would be being part of a band's world tour...what part I'm not sure, though in the band would work.
59. I got the English award my graduating year of high school.
60. I hate potatoes, yet still eat them.
61. Only iced cream with chocolate in it is worth eating.
62. I have determined I can't live in the city, or the country, exclusively; therefore, I have to split my time between the two.
63. No matter what people say these days, I hope history records how exceptional a woman Condi Rice is, considering where she came from.
64. Bridget Jones' Diary is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
65. I think I know more American geography than Canadian; thank you CNN.
66. I badly want to spend a rainy Sunday in bed, but never do.
67. Katie Couric is highly overrated.
68. It is estimated that I need to have a starting salary of $100,000 to live modestly but comfortably.
69. It is estimated that my starting salary will be less than $35,000.
70. I have no idea what I want to do after graduating, except possibly continuing my education.
71. I solemnly swear I will not become a professional student.
72. I'm in the top 15th percentile of my class.
73. Alfred Hitchcock is my favorite director.
74. Vertigo is my favorite movie.
75. I have seen Vertigo twice on actal film, and it was amazing both times.
76. I'm not big on PDA, but love to hold someone on the couch.
77. I've been complimented several times on my cock.
78. I have never broken a bone in my body, and as a result am ignorant as to how badly it hurts.
79. I realize now that not taking French through high school was a mistake.
80. I prefer having actual conversation with one or two people, rather than exchange useless chatter in large groups.
81. I have never taken nude photos of myself.
82. I have never changed the natural color of my hair.
83. I'm a cat person.
84. People think I'm 25.
85. The only part that bothers me about that is my wondering how I'll actually look when I'm 25.
86. The most influential teacher I had in high school was my music teacher.
87. My favorite beer is Molson Canadian.
88. I love talking politics, though apparently it's 'poor party conversation'.
89. Even though I love most things about 1967, I don't think I would have been a hippie.
90. My favorite, and lucky, number is 3.
91. I like to close my eyes and pretend the 80's didn't happen.
92. I bite my nails, and it pisses me off.
93. I'm a Neo-Freudian.
94. I have never watched MTV.
95. My mom had breast cancer when I was in Grade 12.
96. I don't regret things I've done, I regret things I didn't do.
97. M&M's over Smarties.
98. I'm currently listening to The Police - Synchronicity, and very excited for their concert in a few weeks!
99. I work well under pressure, but occasionally I wind up snapping at people needlessly.
100. I love to fly.
101. I want a parrot; something about having a pet for your entire lifetime appeals to me.
102. I have never told anyone I have a blog, and don't plan to.
I guess it's a pretty big deal! Though I really am not too worked up over it. I mean, I've still got lots to say, and I'm happy with what's been said so far.
Thank you to everyone who's supported me throughout these months, and to all those who have commented. It's really nice to know there are people out there. And for those of you who are just readers, thanks for your time.
I have had the great pleasure of enjoying some great conversations and e-mail correspondance with some of you. It's very fufilling to actually learn and converse with people who have read what I have to say. Thank you all.
And finally, a special shout out to Tim. (God, I can't believe I just wrote 'shout out'...). I can't imagine not having our sporratic chats, and I'd like to think we've become friends, even if it's an exclusively 'online thing'. For now, anyway.
So without further interuption, 102 things about me.
1. I'm an only child.
2. My parents just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
3. My family has never moved, I've lived in the same house my whole life until going to school.
4. My newest obsession is mint green tea.
5. As a child I almost died from Meningitis.
6. I am terrified of needles, injections, drawing blood...and I blame being continually needled through my childhood.
7. I really want a tatoo, but when I think about being stabbed by 5 rotating needles, I get queasy.
8. My dream vacation, as of this moment, is visiting England, and living in a cottage in some small, Miss Marple-esque village.
9. Apparently I don't snore, but make some soft noise when I'm sleeping. It's 'cute'.
10. If I were an American citizen, I would have only one career goal -join the FBI.
11. Since I'm not, I could join the Mounties...but they just aren't as cool.
12. I think of myself as boring, but realize that I lead a fairly interesting life compared to some.
13. In high school I always prided myself on actually being non-conformist...that is to say, I wasn't Emo, Goth, or really interested in any current teen trends.
14. I listen to country music. But sometimes it makes me cringe.
15. My favorite chocolate bar is Mars.
16. I have two favorite TV shows: Frasier and I Love Lucy.
17. I despise majority of shows on network television.
18. I am a watch/clock whore, which psych students will have a field day with.
19. I've never been to the west coast of either Canada or the US.
20. I hate math, and promise never again to take it in any school setting.
21. I consider myself a praticing Christian, though don't attend chuch too often. My atheist friends say I'm not sipiritual enough to be a non-conformist Christian, but my churchgoing friends say I'm not traditional enough.
22. Though I never really believed in the 'grand plan' approach to life, lately things have happened in an all too organized manner.
23. I still think you make your own choices, and that you ultimately can change your destiny.
24. I collect LP's and prefer listening to my vinyl over CD's any day.
25. I spend majority of my 'fun money' on music...tickets, LP's, etc.
26. The morning after drinking, I reach for the apple juice. Makes you feel better every time!
27. When I meet people I consciously look them in their left eye; you can't break eye contact without moving away.
28. After I meet people, I rarely remember their names right away, and need to be constantly reminded.
29. I don't have a hero that's alive. Mine are all dead. Ohhh, how faux-poetic.
30. I am usually astonished about the things people say at least once a day, and check the calendar to indeed see that we live in the 21st century.
31. I am a worrier, even when I dwell on things completely out of my control.
32. I don't like small children, and though I want kids at some point, I want them to come pre-aged to about 5 years old.
33. Christmas is my favorite holiday of all time.
34. I dream of actually being financially stable enough to take off for weekends away with my friends/special someone.
35. People tell me that I'm really sarcastic. But it's not usually a compliment.
36. I tried contacts once, but felt really dizzy after getting one on. But I really, really want to try them again.
37. My favorite martini is a Cosmo, no exceptions. Now, the hard part is actually finding a good one when you're out...
38. I have one full set of grandparents, and one half set.
39. I'm 6'2" tall.
40. I have no clue what blood type I am.
41. There is no male I consider one of my 'best friends'.
42. I have 3 'best friends', one of whom I'll be living with in September.
43. Whenever I'm in the car alone, I sing practically nonstop.
44. I can't sing in the shower, even though I have a shower radio.
45. I love tomato juice on my Kraft Dinner.
46. It is my esteemed opinion that vegans and vegetarians simply don't know what they're missing.
47. I like to know as much as I can about people, and keep up on my friend's lives.
48. I don't gossip, I talk about people who I care about only with other like minded people.
49. I want a great, influental job that allows me to travel and live part-time in another country.
50. I wear Dior Homme cologne everyday.
51. I smoke occasionally and socially, but would never pick it up as a full-time thing.
52. The longest I've ever gone smoking was my 3 weeks in France.
53. Next September I plan on getting a very part time job at Starbucks.
54. Fleetwood Mac just isn't the same without Christine McVie.
55. I'm not friends with anyone I went to elementary school with.
56. Red over white wine, unless it's deathly hot out, then white takes the cake.
57. If you gave me a delicious carrot cake, I would seriously consider sleeping with you.
58. My dream job would be being part of a band's world tour...what part I'm not sure, though in the band would work.
59. I got the English award my graduating year of high school.
60. I hate potatoes, yet still eat them.
61. Only iced cream with chocolate in it is worth eating.
62. I have determined I can't live in the city, or the country, exclusively; therefore, I have to split my time between the two.
63. No matter what people say these days, I hope history records how exceptional a woman Condi Rice is, considering where she came from.
64. Bridget Jones' Diary is one of the funniest books I've ever read.
65. I think I know more American geography than Canadian; thank you CNN.
66. I badly want to spend a rainy Sunday in bed, but never do.
67. Katie Couric is highly overrated.
68. It is estimated that I need to have a starting salary of $100,000 to live modestly but comfortably.
69. It is estimated that my starting salary will be less than $35,000.
70. I have no idea what I want to do after graduating, except possibly continuing my education.
71. I solemnly swear I will not become a professional student.
72. I'm in the top 15th percentile of my class.
73. Alfred Hitchcock is my favorite director.
74. Vertigo is my favorite movie.
75. I have seen Vertigo twice on actal film, and it was amazing both times.
76. I'm not big on PDA, but love to hold someone on the couch.
77. I've been complimented several times on my cock.
78. I have never broken a bone in my body, and as a result am ignorant as to how badly it hurts.
79. I realize now that not taking French through high school was a mistake.
80. I prefer having actual conversation with one or two people, rather than exchange useless chatter in large groups.
81. I have never taken nude photos of myself.
82. I have never changed the natural color of my hair.
83. I'm a cat person.
84. People think I'm 25.
85. The only part that bothers me about that is my wondering how I'll actually look when I'm 25.
86. The most influential teacher I had in high school was my music teacher.
87. My favorite beer is Molson Canadian.
88. I love talking politics, though apparently it's 'poor party conversation'.
89. Even though I love most things about 1967, I don't think I would have been a hippie.
90. My favorite, and lucky, number is 3.
91. I like to close my eyes and pretend the 80's didn't happen.
92. I bite my nails, and it pisses me off.
93. I'm a Neo-Freudian.
94. I have never watched MTV.
95. My mom had breast cancer when I was in Grade 12.
96. I don't regret things I've done, I regret things I didn't do.
97. M&M's over Smarties.
98. I'm currently listening to The Police - Synchronicity, and very excited for their concert in a few weeks!
99. I work well under pressure, but occasionally I wind up snapping at people needlessly.
100. I love to fly.
101. I want a parrot; something about having a pet for your entire lifetime appeals to me.
102. I have never told anyone I have a blog, and don't plan to.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I will post...tomorrow...
I promise a more fully realized, better written, deeper, more professional post tomorrow.
On the weekend I thought of literally 4 or 5 topics to post on. But since I've been kinda caught up in something else, I didn't get to write any of those. Plus, the last post wasn't exactly detail-heavy...he's cute, shorter than me, non-slutty, loves movies and old music and Sex and the City...
On the weekend I thought of literally 4 or 5 topics to post on. But since I've been kinda caught up in something else, I didn't get to write any of those. Plus, the last post wasn't exactly detail-heavy...he's cute, shorter than me, non-slutty, loves movies and old music and Sex and the City...
Friday, February 2, 2007
In touch with...
This morning was beautiful. The sun was out (sort of), the air was warm and felt fresh and wonderful on my walk to school. If I didn't know better, I'd swear winter was nearing it's end, and that spring and warmer, sunny days are just around the corner.
I seriously doubt that's the case.
On another note, after checking, I've discovered that I don't actually have my MSN hooked up for my blog account. I've fixed that, so if you want to say hi, add me or e-mail me using frozen.underwear@gmail.com or AIM frozenunderwear.
I'm touched that I've gotten a response for the last two posts I've made. Unfortunately I was on the verge of asking Micifus Phil to add a link to my site, but since he's now offline I guess that won't be happening. I need to generate some traffic! In order to do that, I should probably also do some type of makeover on the site. Anyway, have a good one!
I seriously doubt that's the case.
On another note, after checking, I've discovered that I don't actually have my MSN hooked up for my blog account. I've fixed that, so if you want to say hi, add me or e-mail me using frozen.underwear@gmail.com or AIM frozenunderwear.
I'm touched that I've gotten a response for the last two posts I've made. Unfortunately I was on the verge of asking Micifus Phil to add a link to my site, but since he's now offline I guess that won't be happening. I need to generate some traffic! In order to do that, I should probably also do some type of makeover on the site. Anyway, have a good one!
Friday, January 19, 2007
I have readers...
Wow. I just got an e-mail from a reader. I'm so blown away! How cool is that...(yes, I'm a novice blogger, I'm easily entertained.) I'm glad that someone's reading other than me. I posted a comment in both Micifus Phil's and Matt's Debreifing The Boys blogs, mostly to comment, but with the vain hope that someone would link over to my blog, and apparently it worked!
I have so much to talk about but no time to type it right now...so I thought I'd give you a little story. Why is my blog called 'Frozen Underwear'? Well, other than an attempt at being clever, I was using a couple of images I thought were fitting. First, frozen, because I'm from Toronto, a place which many believe is a barren tundra. So I wanted to poke fun at the stereotype. Secondly, frozen underwear, representing my inability to deal with my sexuality, as well as my supreme lack of sex.
Ok, so I may have finally done stuff with guys...but believe me, at times it feels like my underwear will be forever frozen again to my body.
I've even got a clever banner worked out to dress the blog up a little...but I suck at Photoshop and haven't tried to put it together yet. Any readers who are Photoshop experts?
Also, if you're reading, drop me a line! I really love getting e-mail, believe me, even if its just to say hi and where you're from.
I have so much to talk about but no time to type it right now...so I thought I'd give you a little story. Why is my blog called 'Frozen Underwear'? Well, other than an attempt at being clever, I was using a couple of images I thought were fitting. First, frozen, because I'm from Toronto, a place which many believe is a barren tundra. So I wanted to poke fun at the stereotype. Secondly, frozen underwear, representing my inability to deal with my sexuality, as well as my supreme lack of sex.
Ok, so I may have finally done stuff with guys...but believe me, at times it feels like my underwear will be forever frozen again to my body.
I've even got a clever banner worked out to dress the blog up a little...but I suck at Photoshop and haven't tried to put it together yet. Any readers who are Photoshop experts?
Also, if you're reading, drop me a line! I really love getting e-mail, believe me, even if its just to say hi and where you're from.
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