One of the things that's fun about blogging is reading other blogs and getting to know other bloggers.
I know many people say that I should stop comparing myself to others, stop drawing differences or similarities between what my life has brought me and what people in similar situations have had thrown their way.
But my reply is always the same; you have no idea what you might be missing, have better or worse than others if you have nothing to compare it to. And with blogging, we get a (partially) unbiased view of the lives of people all over the world.
Since I've been very lax about links and updating things, I thought I'd take the time now to introduce you to a blogger I just picked up on. Jake over at Ten Minute Nap seems like a pretty nice guy. Apparently this isn't his first blog, but it's where he currently vents about life and (lack of) love.
He's very musically-inclined, which is awesome. And his picture is cute.
Like I said before, it's interesting to get such access into the lives of others, and to see how he's grown up differently than me. It's also interesting to see the dynamics of life in different sized cities and towns.
And for his part, Jake seems to do a pretty good job at getting to know the guys in his area. What always strikes me about smaller cities is how their gay residents all seem to be drawn together. From what I've read, he's met guys from all across the spectrum, befriended them, hung out with them... I guess my point is that it seems to come easier than living in a big city.
I've always wondered how different my life would have been had I done two things, pursued music more and gone to university in a smaller city. While Jake can't really compare with me musically (since he sounds quite talented), I can sort of see how differently life would have gone at a smaller university.
For one, it feels as though the community in the abstract is a lot smaller, especially students. People know people, everyone is forced into the same pool, more or less. It's prone to dramatics and love triangles, but it's also easier to put one's self out there.
And ultimately, it feels to me like it's a lot less intimidating and a lot more inviting on a smaller scale. There will always be power dynamics, but overall, people seem more open minded and a little more gentle. There isn't as much of the stereotyped gayness that plagues big cities.
Plus, the boys seem more friendly.
I'll never know what it's like to go to university in a small city, but thanks to others we get a firsthand account of just what goes on all across America...
Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
The Lucky Bastard...
I love Matt from Debriefing the Boys. Really, I do.
He was one of the two initial blogs that opened my eyes to the world I was missing out on...he gave a sense of actual reality in a position that I could identify with. I mean, all that 'time' ago, I still couldn't believe that people actually got to experience the things I'd only fantasized about. Or seen in porn movies.
But there are times, even today, when his nearly perfect life makes me want to scream. Not to undermine his pain and suffering discovering his sexuality and coming out, but that boy has horseshoes up his ass (among possible other things). I used to think I could never have what he had, way back when. Now I still think I can never have what he gets.
His latest story about the college soccer player, for instance, drives me mad. How does someone on vacation with his family pick up a nearly-straight soccer player who professes Matt will be his second male-male experience? I mean, come on! This is practically porn-quality plot material here. This can't be happening!
And to ice the cake, the way he describes the experience. "Nervous. Love it!" Good Lord man, how many boys do you nearly-deflower a month? If I'd just picked someone up , I probably would devote 2000 words to the experience...
The question is, what makes this happen? Is this a 'normal' experience for an out gay 20-something? Or does this happen only to the rich, beautiful playboys as dear Matt appears at times to be?
Part of what drives me crazy about stories like this is how completely unattainable they seem to be to me. Way back when, I'd read things like this about far more mundane encounters and feel that I would never be able to achieve the same results, and would feel a mixed sense of misery, jealousy and disbelief. After all, to the guy who lives in small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere, it seems like pure fiction that this stuff actually happens.
Even today, looking at the most recent story, I feel the same inadequacies I did back then. I can never see this happening to me, having this sort of encounter at any time, much less on vacation in the fabulous sun and sand. Now I know we don't have the gory details about the who and the why and the how, but still to the 'average' person, this seems like a nearly impossible thing.
Or is it just me?
The most annoying part of it all is, Matt seems like a genuinely amazing person, with brains and a good heart. He doesn't run his mouth about how hot he is, or how men fall at his feet...yet every so often we're treated to stories such as these.
Sometimes I think that people are just lucky like he seems to be. Other times I feel like some are just cut out for this, while others watch from the sidelines. It scares me, because while in principal I want to have the same things happen to me, I'm just not sure if I'm the one meant for it to happen to.
So Matt, hats off to you. Really, you should write some sort of how-to manual for us other guys who only get what you have in their fantasies. As I said, the hardest part of this to take is the knowledge that you're a bright, caring, loving individual, who also happens to have some number of pheromone-producing horseshoes up his ass.
He was one of the two initial blogs that opened my eyes to the world I was missing out on...he gave a sense of actual reality in a position that I could identify with. I mean, all that 'time' ago, I still couldn't believe that people actually got to experience the things I'd only fantasized about. Or seen in porn movies.
But there are times, even today, when his nearly perfect life makes me want to scream. Not to undermine his pain and suffering discovering his sexuality and coming out, but that boy has horseshoes up his ass (among possible other things). I used to think I could never have what he had, way back when. Now I still think I can never have what he gets.
His latest story about the college soccer player, for instance, drives me mad. How does someone on vacation with his family pick up a nearly-straight soccer player who professes Matt will be his second male-male experience? I mean, come on! This is practically porn-quality plot material here. This can't be happening!
And to ice the cake, the way he describes the experience. "Nervous. Love it!" Good Lord man, how many boys do you nearly-deflower a month? If I'd just picked someone up , I probably would devote 2000 words to the experience...
The question is, what makes this happen? Is this a 'normal' experience for an out gay 20-something? Or does this happen only to the rich, beautiful playboys as dear Matt appears at times to be?
Part of what drives me crazy about stories like this is how completely unattainable they seem to be to me. Way back when, I'd read things like this about far more mundane encounters and feel that I would never be able to achieve the same results, and would feel a mixed sense of misery, jealousy and disbelief. After all, to the guy who lives in small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere, it seems like pure fiction that this stuff actually happens.
Even today, looking at the most recent story, I feel the same inadequacies I did back then. I can never see this happening to me, having this sort of encounter at any time, much less on vacation in the fabulous sun and sand. Now I know we don't have the gory details about the who and the why and the how, but still to the 'average' person, this seems like a nearly impossible thing.
Or is it just me?
The most annoying part of it all is, Matt seems like a genuinely amazing person, with brains and a good heart. He doesn't run his mouth about how hot he is, or how men fall at his feet...yet every so often we're treated to stories such as these.
Sometimes I think that people are just lucky like he seems to be. Other times I feel like some are just cut out for this, while others watch from the sidelines. It scares me, because while in principal I want to have the same things happen to me, I'm just not sure if I'm the one meant for it to happen to.
So Matt, hats off to you. Really, you should write some sort of how-to manual for us other guys who only get what you have in their fantasies. As I said, the hardest part of this to take is the knowledge that you're a bright, caring, loving individual, who also happens to have some number of pheromone-producing horseshoes up his ass.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Truer words...
Weather or not it actually exists, it feels like a certain camaraderie is shared amongst bloggers.
Who knows what it is exactly. Maybe because some of us are starting our journey, we feed from each other's experiences and quietly gain strength from the words of others. Other times it's the reassurance that life can indeed be fulfilling and good things do happen to good people.
At any rate, it offers fellow writers something even better than being a fly on the wall reader; we have the ability to creatively feed from each other, and to let others ideas be further explored in our own space.
On top of that, I feel like I could befriend a number of you. Hell, I feel like in some obscure way, we are friends. Even though I haven't yet talked to many of you, the fact that we read each other's notebooks gives the feeling that indeed we are communicating with one another, even if it's not at a conversational level.
So without further adieu, here are some blogs that I read and learn from, and that I have added to my list of links after too long of a time.
Blue Eyed Boy
The blue eyed boy from somewhere in England, who's not a whole lot older than me but seemingly infinitely more together. What can I say other than I respect him and strive to be as quietly optimistic as he is. I can see similarities between us, but I wonder if I can ever be as amazingly OK as he is.
About A Boy And His Briefs
A fascinating New Yorker who loves life and lives in the moment. Comfortable in his skin, and comfortable with showing off his jaw-dropping body, the testament of a man with a past, but someone happy in his present. With eloquent and short posts, a great read.
The Wilde American
I haven't read this entire blog, but am struck with the quality of writing. Someone who experiences more in a week than many hope to experience in a year, but keeps his head at least mostly close to the ground. His photography is great, and the writing at many times gives you the 'you are there' sensation.
You've Got A Gay
Dealing with his sexuality, the idea of coming out, and what it all means, this blog has a bit of everything. Hailing from the straight-but-gay camp, he's working through what it means to be gay but not have any of the flaming homosexual flags associated with it.
Rabid Mongoose
A wicked sense of humor, this not-so-anonymous blogger is an example of someone with his head firmly planted on his shoulders. After going through a few rocky years, he's sharing his stories of the past and the present with a witty and stylized writing style. With the qualities of the type of gay guy I would hope to be, he is simply who he is, and comfortable with it.
Nothing Golden Stays
Another mid-20's closeted guy who writes intensely. Following his life, with the revaluation that his sister now knows about his sexuality. An interesting guy, an interesting writer, another story that's being told, before the dawn goes down to day.
Closet NS
A fellow Canadian from a few miles east of me...living in the fine city of Halifax and just starting his blogging career. According to his first post, he likes sports, politics and beer, so we'd get along pretty well with two of those three things. But probably I could just ogle him while he plays sports, and then it'd be 3 for 3. By examining his history, he's getting himself ready for his Christmas goal - come out to his close friends. A promising read, hopefully he gets as addicted with blogging as many of us seem to be.
So there you have it. I'm sure that practically everyone already reads some/all of these blogs, but I wanted to bring them up in case someone hasn't seen them yet. A smattering of people in different walks of life, but with the common thread that is part of the core of our very existence. I hope you learn as much as I have from them.
And to the fellow bloggers, lots of love and admiration for you. Thank you for letting us into your life.
Who knows what it is exactly. Maybe because some of us are starting our journey, we feed from each other's experiences and quietly gain strength from the words of others. Other times it's the reassurance that life can indeed be fulfilling and good things do happen to good people.
At any rate, it offers fellow writers something even better than being a fly on the wall reader; we have the ability to creatively feed from each other, and to let others ideas be further explored in our own space.
On top of that, I feel like I could befriend a number of you. Hell, I feel like in some obscure way, we are friends. Even though I haven't yet talked to many of you, the fact that we read each other's notebooks gives the feeling that indeed we are communicating with one another, even if it's not at a conversational level.
So without further adieu, here are some blogs that I read and learn from, and that I have added to my list of links after too long of a time.
Blue Eyed Boy
The blue eyed boy from somewhere in England, who's not a whole lot older than me but seemingly infinitely more together. What can I say other than I respect him and strive to be as quietly optimistic as he is. I can see similarities between us, but I wonder if I can ever be as amazingly OK as he is.
About A Boy And His Briefs
A fascinating New Yorker who loves life and lives in the moment. Comfortable in his skin, and comfortable with showing off his jaw-dropping body, the testament of a man with a past, but someone happy in his present. With eloquent and short posts, a great read.
The Wilde American
I haven't read this entire blog, but am struck with the quality of writing. Someone who experiences more in a week than many hope to experience in a year, but keeps his head at least mostly close to the ground. His photography is great, and the writing at many times gives you the 'you are there' sensation.
You've Got A Gay
Dealing with his sexuality, the idea of coming out, and what it all means, this blog has a bit of everything. Hailing from the straight-but-gay camp, he's working through what it means to be gay but not have any of the flaming homosexual flags associated with it.
Rabid Mongoose
A wicked sense of humor, this not-so-anonymous blogger is an example of someone with his head firmly planted on his shoulders. After going through a few rocky years, he's sharing his stories of the past and the present with a witty and stylized writing style. With the qualities of the type of gay guy I would hope to be, he is simply who he is, and comfortable with it.
Nothing Golden Stays
Another mid-20's closeted guy who writes intensely. Following his life, with the revaluation that his sister now knows about his sexuality. An interesting guy, an interesting writer, another story that's being told, before the dawn goes down to day.
Closet NS
A fellow Canadian from a few miles east of me...living in the fine city of Halifax and just starting his blogging career. According to his first post, he likes sports, politics and beer, so we'd get along pretty well with two of those three things. But probably I could just ogle him while he plays sports, and then it'd be 3 for 3. By examining his history, he's getting himself ready for his Christmas goal - come out to his close friends. A promising read, hopefully he gets as addicted with blogging as many of us seem to be.
So there you have it. I'm sure that practically everyone already reads some/all of these blogs, but I wanted to bring them up in case someone hasn't seen them yet. A smattering of people in different walks of life, but with the common thread that is part of the core of our very existence. I hope you learn as much as I have from them.
And to the fellow bloggers, lots of love and admiration for you. Thank you for letting us into your life.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Surely you've touched mine...
I've got the grins.
Honestly, it's true. Ok, so I smoked some pot tonight...but thats only making it feel sweeter.
I've gotta thank everyone who's emailed me, and of course the wonderful Tim at I Think I Might Be Gay for the kind words and blogging about little old me. Its quite a treat to be complimented by the likes of you Tim, and I really have been touched by the e-mails I've received. It's nice to know there's someone out there listening to my rants.
Hopefully you've all got busy weekends, because I'm going to be out of town, and out of Internet access from now 'till Monday night. But I'll be back with my observations of the Tragically Hip concert I was at tonight, including ponderings on why there are so many hot college guys who go to Hip concerts. Oh, and I've lined up some dates for the next week or two...God knows how it's going to go since I'm kinda closeted still...but I'll complain to you later!
Cheers!
Honestly, it's true. Ok, so I smoked some pot tonight...but thats only making it feel sweeter.
I've gotta thank everyone who's emailed me, and of course the wonderful Tim at I Think I Might Be Gay for the kind words and blogging about little old me. Its quite a treat to be complimented by the likes of you Tim, and I really have been touched by the e-mails I've received. It's nice to know there's someone out there listening to my rants.
Hopefully you've all got busy weekends, because I'm going to be out of town, and out of Internet access from now 'till Monday night. But I'll be back with my observations of the Tragically Hip concert I was at tonight, including ponderings on why there are so many hot college guys who go to Hip concerts. Oh, and I've lined up some dates for the next week or two...God knows how it's going to go since I'm kinda closeted still...but I'll complain to you later!
Cheers!
Friday, February 2, 2007
Blindsided...
I'm sitting here bleary-eyed. My gut feels like someone just shoved their fist into it. My heart has sunk so low, so very sad.
Micifus Phil has left us.
One of my two 'blog heros' (the other being Matt at DTB) has decided to stop his blog. I knew this was coming, in a way. His posts have been more and more mundane, more infrequent, for the month of January. He was detaching himself from his blog, and it showed. But I hoped it was just a phase, something that was distracting him, and that he would return to tell us the next chapter in his newly out life. It looks like we're never going to know what happens next.
I'm a little surprised at my reaction, really. I don't know Phil, have never e-mailed him, never IM-ed him...but I picked up his blog during my period of soul searching back in December, and I felt like I connected to him. He's a lot of things I wish I were: part of 'the team' at school, well adapted to universiy life, dare I say popular in his social circles...the all-American college boy with a heart of gold.
In the days where I felt like I had no chance of turning my life around, I would read Micifus and be filled with emotion. Joy at the fact that a closeted boy had found a 'tkbf', and run around the East Coast with him and his friends. Relief when his friends and ulitmately family accepted his sexuality. Sexuality at the sometimes explicit posts detailing his various romps. Jealousy when he seemed to finally be putting all his pieces together, and his fractured life formed a beautiful picture. And the secret wish to be a fly on the wall the time he and Matt slept together.
Really, it's difficult to string all these feelings together about why I'm so upset. I just seem to have developed a very deep respect and admiration for Phil and how he's handeled his last 8 months. I get so frustrated with myself, being older than he is, realizing that I'm nowhere near where I want to be, yet this 18-year-old wippersnapper has finally learned to love himself and pull off the stereotypical college life too.
That all sounds like petty jealousy, and I freely admit I'm jealous of his life (for the most part). But it's out of complete admiration and love.
Back in December, I'd fostered a crazy notion that I could somehow befriend Phil and actually get to meet this amazing human being. I daydreamed about getting to know him online, then going to visit him in Chicago some day, actually getting to see what his life is like.
One of my biggest struggles right now is trying to define what I want my next year of life to be like. I've got my experiences on one hand, and the stereotypical Hollywood-college influence on the other. Phil was an amazing blend of the two: the athlete-friend-of-all who also had self-doubt and a host of other issues he had to deal with. He was a real person, not some reality show, who because of his blog was able to show us his deepest feelings and emotions.
I don't know why I'm so shook up by the fact he's gone. The biggest lessons were things that I had read in the pre-December postings, other than his coming out to his family. But it's like a friend you just don't want to loose touch of after school ends...there are still stories and expereinces to tell that could and would shape how others look at their lives. Sadly, for the time being, that's not going to happen.
Still, I'm going to e-mail him one of these days. Tell him how much his blog meant to me. Attempt to strike up a friendship with a boy I don't even know. Beg him for advice on how he's gotten where he's gotten. Express my deepest thanks for his inspiration.
Goodbye Micifus Phil, take care of yourself, and always know there's people who wouldn't be the same had they not read your words.
Micifus Phil has left us.
One of my two 'blog heros' (the other being Matt at DTB) has decided to stop his blog. I knew this was coming, in a way. His posts have been more and more mundane, more infrequent, for the month of January. He was detaching himself from his blog, and it showed. But I hoped it was just a phase, something that was distracting him, and that he would return to tell us the next chapter in his newly out life. It looks like we're never going to know what happens next.
I'm a little surprised at my reaction, really. I don't know Phil, have never e-mailed him, never IM-ed him...but I picked up his blog during my period of soul searching back in December, and I felt like I connected to him. He's a lot of things I wish I were: part of 'the team' at school, well adapted to universiy life, dare I say popular in his social circles...the all-American college boy with a heart of gold.
In the days where I felt like I had no chance of turning my life around, I would read Micifus and be filled with emotion. Joy at the fact that a closeted boy had found a 'tkbf', and run around the East Coast with him and his friends. Relief when his friends and ulitmately family accepted his sexuality. Sexuality at the sometimes explicit posts detailing his various romps. Jealousy when he seemed to finally be putting all his pieces together, and his fractured life formed a beautiful picture. And the secret wish to be a fly on the wall the time he and Matt slept together.
Really, it's difficult to string all these feelings together about why I'm so upset. I just seem to have developed a very deep respect and admiration for Phil and how he's handeled his last 8 months. I get so frustrated with myself, being older than he is, realizing that I'm nowhere near where I want to be, yet this 18-year-old wippersnapper has finally learned to love himself and pull off the stereotypical college life too.
That all sounds like petty jealousy, and I freely admit I'm jealous of his life (for the most part). But it's out of complete admiration and love.
Back in December, I'd fostered a crazy notion that I could somehow befriend Phil and actually get to meet this amazing human being. I daydreamed about getting to know him online, then going to visit him in Chicago some day, actually getting to see what his life is like.
One of my biggest struggles right now is trying to define what I want my next year of life to be like. I've got my experiences on one hand, and the stereotypical Hollywood-college influence on the other. Phil was an amazing blend of the two: the athlete-friend-of-all who also had self-doubt and a host of other issues he had to deal with. He was a real person, not some reality show, who because of his blog was able to show us his deepest feelings and emotions.
I don't know why I'm so shook up by the fact he's gone. The biggest lessons were things that I had read in the pre-December postings, other than his coming out to his family. But it's like a friend you just don't want to loose touch of after school ends...there are still stories and expereinces to tell that could and would shape how others look at their lives. Sadly, for the time being, that's not going to happen.
Still, I'm going to e-mail him one of these days. Tell him how much his blog meant to me. Attempt to strike up a friendship with a boy I don't even know. Beg him for advice on how he's gotten where he's gotten. Express my deepest thanks for his inspiration.
Goodbye Micifus Phil, take care of yourself, and always know there's people who wouldn't be the same had they not read your words.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)