I love Matt from Debriefing the Boys. Really, I do.
He was one of the two initial blogs that opened my eyes to the world I was missing out on...he gave a sense of actual reality in a position that I could identify with. I mean, all that 'time' ago, I still couldn't believe that people actually got to experience the things I'd only fantasized about. Or seen in porn movies.
But there are times, even today, when his nearly perfect life makes me want to scream. Not to undermine his pain and suffering discovering his sexuality and coming out, but that boy has horseshoes up his ass (among possible other things). I used to think I could never have what he had, way back when. Now I still think I can never have what he gets.
His latest story about the college soccer player, for instance, drives me mad. How does someone on vacation with his family pick up a nearly-straight soccer player who professes Matt will be his second male-male experience? I mean, come on! This is practically porn-quality plot material here. This can't be happening!
And to ice the cake, the way he describes the experience. "Nervous. Love it!" Good Lord man, how many boys do you nearly-deflower a month? If I'd just picked someone up , I probably would devote 2000 words to the experience...
The question is, what makes this happen? Is this a 'normal' experience for an out gay 20-something? Or does this happen only to the rich, beautiful playboys as dear Matt appears at times to be?
Part of what drives me crazy about stories like this is how completely unattainable they seem to be to me. Way back when, I'd read things like this about far more mundane encounters and feel that I would never be able to achieve the same results, and would feel a mixed sense of misery, jealousy and disbelief. After all, to the guy who lives in small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere, it seems like pure fiction that this stuff actually happens.
Even today, looking at the most recent story, I feel the same inadequacies I did back then. I can never see this happening to me, having this sort of encounter at any time, much less on vacation in the fabulous sun and sand. Now I know we don't have the gory details about the who and the why and the how, but still to the 'average' person, this seems like a nearly impossible thing.
Or is it just me?
The most annoying part of it all is, Matt seems like a genuinely amazing person, with brains and a good heart. He doesn't run his mouth about how hot he is, or how men fall at his feet...yet every so often we're treated to stories such as these.
Sometimes I think that people are just lucky like he seems to be. Other times I feel like some are just cut out for this, while others watch from the sidelines. It scares me, because while in principal I want to have the same things happen to me, I'm just not sure if I'm the one meant for it to happen to.
So Matt, hats off to you. Really, you should write some sort of how-to manual for us other guys who only get what you have in their fantasies. As I said, the hardest part of this to take is the knowledge that you're a bright, caring, loving individual, who also happens to have some number of pheromone-producing horseshoes up his ass.
5 comments:
No, it's not just you. Matt's blog was one of the initial ones for me too. It is frustrating to sit back and imagine the kinds of things that others are actually experiencing. Alas.
Matt's blog was also one of the first ones I happened to stumble upon as well (and actually found yours through it if memory serves me right).
Who knows, perhaps he would be kind enough to tell us just how he got so many horseshoes.
I think many of us in my blogging circles live much quieter, more mundane lives than many bloggers we read daily.
While it would be nice to live a life that fascinating, I'm quite happy with where I'm at (considering of course that I'm just your basic grumpy old fart).
You'll find your own way in your own time, trust me on this point.
My 20's eventually did become my time of many adventures ;)
And, if you hold yourself up in comparison, you'll only succeed in making yourself crazy.
I know it sounds terribly cliche, but all things come eventually.
It's called personality. Each of us is born with a different one. That's why we're different, interesting (not to everyone but still interesting).
As you become more comfortable in
"your skin" you'll look back and wonder why it took so long to do things that seem completely natural to you now. It's like jumping into the pool the first time, you know your dad is going to catch you but still.......
I wouldn't read into it this much...you're not the same person as he is, never will be. I stopped trying to exhibit personality traits f others years ago when I realized it was pointless. If I grew into someone that could be like them and get along with them then cool, otherwise I'm happy enough being me.
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