I'll openly admit that I have the dating skills of a 15-year-old.
That would be the fault of several things...one of which would be my sexuality and being closeted. Almost my entire high school career was spent single, save for the actual girlfriend at age 15, and the short list of failed romances that followed. Even my one mildly successful 'relationship' with Brian was short-lived and not all together instructional.
So with all of this inexperience I don't know 'the rules' of dating. I don't even understand the mentality of the process. To me, my friend's have all fallen for other friends, and relationships grew over time. Very few people picked up phone numbers after a night out and followed through with them. It's all been very high school-esque, nowhere near the glitz of the fateful 'Hollywood meeting' between two people, or the sordid, lust-infused grinding between two bodies on a dance floor.
Though I'm sure some object to the idea, I would like to start dating when I get back to school in September. I'm not rushing out to find the first warm body, but it's something that I genuinely would like to pursue. All around me I see people who's happiness is multiplied by 'having someone', and after having a taste of it what seems like years ago I know that there is so much to life I'm missing. And it's not just sex. It's having someone's arms around you, and the touch and connection you can only get in a 'romantic' relationship.
So I've been occasionally checking out online profiles of people in Toronto, to see what the market is like for guys around my age. What I've noticed is a growing trend of egotistic guys who believe they are a gift to you, and not vice versa.
I understand where this comes from. People don't want to be treated like garbage, and probably having bad past experiences where they were not appreciated as much as they would have wanted, they put up the disclaimers to scare off the users and undesirables.
People build themselves up, they're "amazing, talented, sexy..." etc. As I flipped through a few of them, I would find one that looked attractive and read the profile. By the time I had finished, I was overcome with the feeling that I should be only so lucky to have the pleasure of his company.
Then I realized that it's a two-way street.
These guys, who are demanding such approval before they even meet their date, amaze me. Sure, they may be the most amazing person on earth, but what about the guy that's getting in touch with them? There's a whole second person who deserves as much respect as the person who is demanding it in their profile.
So does everyone enter the dating game with such an attitude? I would think that dating would quickly get narrowed down if people think so highly of themselves and set out parameters for their adoration so early on. Or is this something that people just erect as a smoke screen, something that builds confidence and helps protect them.
And do I need to approach life with the attitude, "Hey, you're lucky you know me, because I'm just that damn good!"
4 comments:
keep in mind that those who post their pictures online are not really a true representation of who is out there. My expierence has taught me you don't really know someone until you talk with them.
I don't agree with notion that you might have to change your attitude in order to meet someone. The best couples I know were not necessarily physically attracted to each other right away, or even liked each other immediately, but that came with time. If you change your attitude you might actually be screwing yourself out of potential good relationships. Would you really want someone to like you because you are egotistical, and by virtue of the argument they too would be rather egotistical. In the end, if that is not who you are then you would be lying to them and that would likely doom any potential relationship anyway.
hey.
i just came across across your blog through others that i read and i hope you don't mind that i linked to your site.
I've only started reading your blog (i'm on january 2007) and it's been a great read. I can totally relate to some of the stuff you say and although our situations are different, they are similar in some ways.
I'm gonna continue reading until i catch up to today. So keep up the great work on blogging :)
part of it comes from the need to maintain one's self esteem in the dating process. as people date and discover they are not right for each other, there are a lot of bruised egos and feelings (such as when one member is not interested but the other totally is). so the language of those online ads is a way of not allowing all of their sense of self to be diminished because of some bad dates.
another part of it is that they are advertisements. they are selling themselves to prospective relational partners. just like our use of "action" verbs in describing our abilities in a professional resume, online personals utilize a lot of expressive adjectives to describe the personality.
you do have a point with regard to another person's feelings and personality needing to be addressed. some people really do think only of their needs, their life, their ambition, and what you can do for them.
I can relate to this very well. I have actually planned to use the month of August to achieve some of this. Yes, I have experienced the straight side of things but that did not leave me wanting more of that (right now - I had a "straight run" of two years after my first period of doubt).
I'm really open to pretty much anything as long as it gives me a natural high (and is safe, of course). One night stands, drunken sex, I want to experience it all. But I think it is the cuddling and good feeling of a relationship I crave most.
So I guess I will be on the meat market too. ;)
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