After having a temporary freak-out at the fact I actually took the plunge and exposed my life for the entire world to read about, I was reminded the reason I'm here. My life has been such a roller-coaster for the past two weeks, I have moments where I'm positive, taking steps forward (like this blog). Other moments I feel totally small, like I'm a 13-year-old who just got to High School, and I get scared/nervous/etc. I see all the negative instead of the positivie.
So tonight, after some though, I signed up for gay.com. I got online, checked out a bunch of profiles and acutally found a few guys who I was attracted to, both physically and intellectually. Not that I talked to any of them, because I was just looking at profiles, but our interests, 'out' levels, and personalities seemed to be compatible.
In all the excitement, I wanted to contact one of the guys I saw, because he's bi too and not out to anybody. Great, I thought, someone who I can maybe meet, and actually feel comfortable talking to, and maybe we'll even hit it off! I look hi and low for a Private Message icon, and can't find one. Hmm...how are you supposed to hook up if you can't even message the guy? I keep looking, and find the 'reply to profile' button, ah-ha! this must be it! Clicking on it, I get redirected to the account upgrade page, asking me to pay $10 minimum on my credit card so that I can PM, chat and reply to profiles.
I was totally discouraged, sad and generally run down after the whole thing. I worked up the courage in myself to actually attempt contact with someone who's gay/bi, and what happens? I can't do it because the company wants money! Dammit! To top it off, the guy I wanted to hit up was literally the same as my profile (except he's apparently athletic, not that I'm fat or out of shape but I don't have a hot bod like Brent Everett. This all plays into my horrible self-confidence and self-image, which I'll discuss later.)
What made me happy was that I actually made a move. I didn't get anywhere, but I made an effort to find someone that I could talk to, and maybe have some fun with too. I wasn't as freaked out as I am when looking at CraigsList, since I saw a picture, and kinda got to know the guy that turned me on.
So I'm asking you, readers (if there are any, since I don't quite know how to generate readers) how you've gone about meeting guys while you were closeted. I know many have done the CL thing...and scoff now that it was whoreish of them, but what other options are there for a guy like me to meet guys?
Also, if anyone has any ideas how I can get in touch with guys from gay.com without buying a membership, PLEASE let me know!
1 comment:
Don't do it! Gay.com is not worth it. At least don't pay for it...I did...and I just cancelled my premium membership today. In the 3 months I had it, I only really actually still talk to one guy (as a friend though) and I'm glad I met him online. Sweet guy. And I am also a victim of Match.com...totally not worth it! Well maybe cause it's me, but as someone said to me, you need to go out and meet people in bars and such rather than doing it online.
And speaking of self confidence and self image issues. I am with you on those topics too! Especially now more so than ever (if you read my blog you'll know why) Don't wanna air out my dirty laundry to ya, unless you wanna know. But anyways...this whole mess is definitely disconcerting when your outlook upon yourself is greatly different from what the world perceives. I could rattle on about this...but I'm gonna continue reading the rest of your blog! :)
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