Have I got a guy for you...

...was the first thing out of her mouth.

I've become friendly with that local guy I seem to be continually talking about, and by extension I'm acquainted with his coworkers and boss. On one of my routine visits, Julie, his boss, grabbed me the moment I walked through the door.

"Seriously!" she said as I tried not to scowl too much. "He'd be perfect for you, I've got a feeling. He's mature and actually a really great guy."

Of course, you could describe me that way as well, but I've been overly-cynical lately and immediately gaffawed at the idea of being introduced to a sane, normal guy. "Oh come on, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is," I half-joked.

Julie's reaction was, uh, typical of her. "What, you think I'm going to set you up with a douchebag?"

"OK, fair enough," I said. "But seriously, I just have really bad luck." Bad luck and a still very much broken heart.

Her phone rang, so I was spared any further matchmaking.

Maybe this guy is genuinely nice, and maybe he would be interested. And I do want to meet some people the 'traditional' way through friends. But I just can't muster the energy. I've lost my mojo/groove/whatever.

Some say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, but even the prospect of hooking up holds relatively little appeal to me. I haven't 'been' with anyone since the ex, and that part of my brain, that drive to get out there and meet people and, yes, have sex, has seemingly gone into remission.

Of course, I know why, to a degree. I'm still reeling, dealing with my feelings, trying to reclaim the normalcy that was once my life. The thought of boys exhausts me (which sounds totally frightening, as if I'm an 80-year-old).

And to make this post even more cliched, it really isn't 'you', it's me.

What happened to good old, horny me? Have I put up so many emotional walls that I've boxed myself in, effectively freezing my underwear to my body?

An old friend of mine who now lives out of town was back for a visit and thinks I've 'grown up' from the person I was. "Before, you were on a mission to find a boyfriend," she said. Honestly, I don't really like the way that sounds, and I immediately challenged her.

"Was I 'looking' for a boyfriend? Yes, absolutely. But it's not like my whole life was devoted to finding a man." We agreed that at that point, I had my bases pretty much covered, minus a relationship: a good academic career, good family life, good friends, good health, etc, etc...

Of course, that can't be said for the present. No career, a group of friends I barely ever see, living in the fucking country with my parents. Granted, things could be much, much worse, but I've got a shitload of life stuff to get sorted out before I even think about men.

Actually, yeah, that's probably what's cut off my zest for guys. With the rest of my life in disarray, what energy do I have to put towards the next campaign to meet men. So for now, the 'perfect' guy that Julie sees me with will have to wait to be graced with my presence.

At least having frozen underwear should help keep me cool this summer.