I'm literally freezing my ass off.
For the past few weeks, we've been suffering through a cold snap. It comes and goes, but there have been moments walking around outside where the frosty wind and dampness have made it feel like -25 C. That's damn cold!
In an effort to keep warm, most have adopted a winter-weather strategy. Some have been bundled up in heavy parkas, others not so willing to sacrifice fashion for function jump from doorway to doorway, trying to re-warm their frigid legs stuffed into skinny jeans.
My approach hasn't really changed much over the last few winters: have a warm coat and wear my secret weapon when needed.
Long johns.
Sounds kinda stupid, but it truly works. If I wake up and my window is frozen closed and frosted over, it's a good bet I'll reach for my thermal skivvies. They fit snugly on my body, and nobody even notices since they don't bunch or add 10 pounds to your legs and ass.
And for the most part, they work fairly well at keeping me warm. I don't have much else to wear warmer than jeans, and since I don't want anything important suffering from frostbite, it makes great sense to sacrifice a bit of sexiness by doing the full-length version of briefs.
For their part, the gays seem to be trying to stay warm this winter as best they can, which seemingly includes visits to other people's beds. Shared bodily warmth, you know...
On one such occasion, I had actually forgotten that I was still clad in long underwear under my jeans. For a moment I predicted disaster; what is a bigger turn off than seeing someone wearing something your grandfather probably walks around the house in?
But the fact I was keeping my bits and pieces warm actually received a compliment for ingenuity, and I have to say, the large fly-flap on the crotch proved most useful.
So when I went shopping yesterday to find another pair (since it's not getting any warmer around here) I was a little surprised to have such a hard time finding some.
I stopped at an outdoorsy manly-man type store swimming in plaid, and there before me stood a rack of multiple kinds of underwear. They had the fleece variety, the waffle-woven cotton blend and what looked suspiciously like a leotard.
And they were all two sizes too big.
As I went, rack by rack, I realized with a growing horror that every pair in the store was much bigger than I needed. They ranged from medium, what the package called 34-36, all the way to 3XL, and who knows if they even count waist sizes for things that big...
I combed the entire shelf, hoping that I could find one small pair of them, but to no avail. This must be the one instance where I don't want to shell out for Calvin Klein, but at least they have something closer to my size...
It was then that I realized, I must be the only homo in Toronto that actually wears the damn things. What's a gay to do?
Apparently when ordering long underwear for the masses, smaller-waisted folks were not given a second thought. Now, I know that the target audience for such a store is the overweight, jerky-chewing variety of masculine male...but Jesus, couldn't they have ordered a couple small's? Every customer isn't necessarily headed for bypass surgery.
Just to be sure that it's not a slight against the gays, I decided to check the selection at one of the underwear stores that cater to those of the homo persuasion. That, and I needed to buy a new bottle of lube, but I figured I should multi-purpose my trip.
To be fair, they did have a couple pairs of very long underwear, even in sizes that fit me...but since I could practically see through them I decided they were probably more for play than for work. I left the store (nearly) empty handed, and more than a little discouraged. Even our own people don't stock the damn things!
Am I so out of touch with things that I haven't yet realized my quest for long underwear will end with me empty handed? Does nobody stock sizes that will actually fit my waist? Am I really not 'average' in the long-underwear business? And most importantly, how do the gays keep their bits warm during those frosty days and frigid nights?
For now, I've got to rely on my one lonely pair that are, as we speak, spinning away happily in the wash.
But I should be careful with them, since they're apparently a collectors item: the only small size in town...
Showing posts with label Underwear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Underwear. Show all posts
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Insult to injury...
I know I have no idea how I look, but it's a little disconcerting to hear that others also have no idea how big/small I am.
Earlier in the week I stopped by American Apparel. To be fair, I've never been in before, but they've been advertising underwear on Facebook, and since we all know I love underwear, I decided to pick up a pair or two and give them a test drive.
When I walked into the store, their stereo was playing Stevie Nicks. My respect for them went up 50 points.
So, as I tried not to dance around, I checked out the variety of colors available. They have everything from the usual dark blue/green/red to bright pink, purple and baby blue. Naturally, on their mannequins, they looked quite cute.
There was no size chart posted, so I guesstimated my size, since XL was 36-38, I assumed small would be 30-32. I grabbed a mint green pair and a cranberry pair, and headed for the cash.
Standing behind the counter was a very cute guy, roughly 24, with a lean body. I've tried to describe him before, but it's quite difficult; he wasn't twinky-rail thin, but he was on the verge of it, except for what appeared to be quite well defined arms.
He took my stuff and scanned one, then the next, then stopped and looked up at me.
"You know," he said, "I wear a small."
There was a pause for added effect, as the colour started to drain from my face and my eye started to twitch.
"I'm just saying..." he trailed off, "because we don't have a return policy on underwear."
If I could have gasped in horror, I would have, but he'd effectively taken my breath away. Instead of retorting with something clever and original, or simply asking what his waist size was to compare mine to his, I simply stood there.
"They'll be fine, I'm sure," I said, with as much deadly articulation as I could muster. Hell, I didn't even care if they did fit just then, I was out to make a point.
"OK," he said, shoving them back at me.
Gah! Fuck! Just how big does he think I am!? I mean, I'm tall, and the coat I was wearing was really baggy, but come on. I didn't think I looked that big!?
Brent Corrigan: Undoubtedly wearing XS red American Apparel briefs, and looking damn fine in them. Clearly, he looks his size. Clearly, I do not.
I ranted the entire way out of the store and down the street, a friend in tow. "Just how fucking big do you think I am!?" I pleaded with her.
"Uh...I don't know?" she said. To her credit, I wouldn't take a stab in the dark at guessing my weight with me in that mood.
"Fucking 31 inch waist, that's how big!" I breathed. "How could he think I wouldn't fit? I look that fat?"
Clearly, I was approaching this calmly and rationally.
As soon as I got home, I ripped my pants off and tore open the briefs. I held them up to me; they seemingly looked fine. One leg through, then the other, and they were sitting comfortably around my waist.
Tempting as it was, I didn't march back outside, mint green briefs on, and go back to the sales boy to prove my point.
It did raise the question for me, as well as some insecurities...such as how big do I appear to other people? I've snuck glances at boys jeans sizes before, and I'm a bit of a conundrum; we're the same size, yet they look one hell of a lot skinnier than I do (I think, anyway).
I mean, should I start wearing a sign with my vitals on it, and put in on my back? It seems like everyone is truly obsessed with everyone else's stats, and in a world where waist and cock size is seeming more important than IQ or GPA results, it's sorta scary that I don't look like what I truly am.
I haven't put the briefs through the wash yet, so I can't comment on their comfort, but I do know one thing; I'm a fucking small in American Apparel underwear.
Earlier in the week I stopped by American Apparel. To be fair, I've never been in before, but they've been advertising underwear on Facebook, and since we all know I love underwear, I decided to pick up a pair or two and give them a test drive.
When I walked into the store, their stereo was playing Stevie Nicks. My respect for them went up 50 points.
So, as I tried not to dance around, I checked out the variety of colors available. They have everything from the usual dark blue/green/red to bright pink, purple and baby blue. Naturally, on their mannequins, they looked quite cute.
There was no size chart posted, so I guesstimated my size, since XL was 36-38, I assumed small would be 30-32. I grabbed a mint green pair and a cranberry pair, and headed for the cash.
Standing behind the counter was a very cute guy, roughly 24, with a lean body. I've tried to describe him before, but it's quite difficult; he wasn't twinky-rail thin, but he was on the verge of it, except for what appeared to be quite well defined arms.
He took my stuff and scanned one, then the next, then stopped and looked up at me.
"You know," he said, "I wear a small."
There was a pause for added effect, as the colour started to drain from my face and my eye started to twitch.
"I'm just saying..." he trailed off, "because we don't have a return policy on underwear."
If I could have gasped in horror, I would have, but he'd effectively taken my breath away. Instead of retorting with something clever and original, or simply asking what his waist size was to compare mine to his, I simply stood there.
"They'll be fine, I'm sure," I said, with as much deadly articulation as I could muster. Hell, I didn't even care if they did fit just then, I was out to make a point.
"OK," he said, shoving them back at me.
Gah! Fuck! Just how big does he think I am!? I mean, I'm tall, and the coat I was wearing was really baggy, but come on. I didn't think I looked that big!?
Brent Corrigan: Undoubtedly wearing XS red American Apparel briefs, and looking damn fine in them. Clearly, he looks his size. Clearly, I do not.
I ranted the entire way out of the store and down the street, a friend in tow. "Just how fucking big do you think I am!?" I pleaded with her.
"Uh...I don't know?" she said. To her credit, I wouldn't take a stab in the dark at guessing my weight with me in that mood.
"Fucking 31 inch waist, that's how big!" I breathed. "How could he think I wouldn't fit? I look that fat?"
Clearly, I was approaching this calmly and rationally.
As soon as I got home, I ripped my pants off and tore open the briefs. I held them up to me; they seemingly looked fine. One leg through, then the other, and they were sitting comfortably around my waist.
Tempting as it was, I didn't march back outside, mint green briefs on, and go back to the sales boy to prove my point.
It did raise the question for me, as well as some insecurities...such as how big do I appear to other people? I've snuck glances at boys jeans sizes before, and I'm a bit of a conundrum; we're the same size, yet they look one hell of a lot skinnier than I do (I think, anyway).
I mean, should I start wearing a sign with my vitals on it, and put in on my back? It seems like everyone is truly obsessed with everyone else's stats, and in a world where waist and cock size is seeming more important than IQ or GPA results, it's sorta scary that I don't look like what I truly am.
I haven't put the briefs through the wash yet, so I can't comment on their comfort, but I do know one thing; I'm a fucking small in American Apparel underwear.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
But all the kids have them...
I've been seeing a lot of these lately.
Not in person, mind you...never actually pulled these off anybody (yet), but they seem to be everywhere online. I've seen them in more porn movies than I remember, and in countless pictures. Of all the hot underwear out there, this pair really grabs my attention.
Maybe it's the crisp white and the contrast of the red? Maybe it's the boys who are wearing them? Maybe it's the fact that they really, really contour to the body? Yeah, that's probably it...
Yum. I mean, they look anyone's ass look excellent, mine included. I actually own a pair of these badboys, though not because I'm a fan of the photos. It was a long while ago, while on an underwear binge. I hit up the CK section, and thought they looked kinda cute, kinda hot, and really comfy. Well, they're all three!
Yes, the Calvin Klein Pro-Stretch line is pretty hot (in case you were wondering what they were, exactly). I've only got the boxer-briefs, but I'll be picking up a pair of the briefs at some point soon, and maybe even another pair of what I've got.
I mean, look at them! Just poking out of the top of your pants, they look cute. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy...its almost like they look better on!
Then again...
Not in person, mind you...never actually pulled these off anybody (yet), but they seem to be everywhere online. I've seen them in more porn movies than I remember, and in countless pictures. Of all the hot underwear out there, this pair really grabs my attention.
Maybe it's the crisp white and the contrast of the red? Maybe it's the boys who are wearing them? Maybe it's the fact that they really, really contour to the body? Yeah, that's probably it...
Yum. I mean, they look anyone's ass look excellent, mine included. I actually own a pair of these badboys, though not because I'm a fan of the photos. It was a long while ago, while on an underwear binge. I hit up the CK section, and thought they looked kinda cute, kinda hot, and really comfy. Well, they're all three!
Yes, the Calvin Klein Pro-Stretch line is pretty hot (in case you were wondering what they were, exactly). I've only got the boxer-briefs, but I'll be picking up a pair of the briefs at some point soon, and maybe even another pair of what I've got.
I mean, look at them! Just poking out of the top of your pants, they look cute. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy...its almost like they look better on!
Then again...
Sunday, February 4, 2007
What are you hiding under there...
I've desperately fallen in love with semi-sexy underwear.
It wasn't supposed to be like this! I'm a non-sexy-underwear kind of guy! But after checking out some pics somewhere in my Internet travels, I discovered that a) boys look even cuter in designed underwear than the Haynes grey/white versions everyone else wears b) they look comfy as hell and c) my standby grey boxers are boring and unflattering.
With all this in mind, I headed out shopping for a sweater, since it's been so damned cold around here and all my super-winter clothes are tucked away at home. At some point, I passed through The Bay (for my international readers, The Bay is a department store like Sears, only much better. Having never been to a Macy’s before, I can't comment on comparisons to it.)
To get to the men’s clothes, you must walk through the men’s underwear. And with my fledgling underwear obsession still fresh in my mind, I started browsing.
There were all types, the economy models, the sport models, the work models...and the fun models. I was getting a little overwhelmed, since I've worn boxers for a million years and briefs were just so not 'in' during High School, so I didn't end up buying anything. On the way out the door, a mannequin was wearing very sexy 2xist red underwear that immediately caught my eye. I shrugged it off, and headed out.
Friday came and I suffered through another four hours straight of lectures. I'm getting lazier than I should be, hitting the sleep button a little too often...I usually get there on time, but I always stop for coffee on the way, so I have to factor that extra few minutes into my travel time. By Friday, I'm never out the door in time, and always have to get coffee halfway through a lecture, or worse, not at all. (By the way, I love coffee. Just in case you missed that.)
So after class, I gleefully grabbed my bag and headed to The Bay for some shopping. I'd decided the only way to know if I could actually wear/like these underwear was to buy a pair and try them out.
The first thing I noticed arriving in the Men's Undergarments section was that my desired 2xist briefs were 25% off. Ha ha! I'm being sexy and frugal!
The second thing I noticed was the slightly-creepy-rather-gay-old-man who was checking out the 2xist section too...shouldn't that be illegal? I mean, after you hit 45, don't you just wear old plaid boxers?
After reminding myself that I'm a mature person, who understands that all old people are not perverts but simply old and sexually undesirable, I started picking through the booty. I saw lots of the red briefs the mannequin was wearing before, but none of them seemed to be 'interesting' enough. They were just plain red, which is fun, but if I was going to try patterned underwear, then dammit I was buying something with more pizzazz than that.
Next was a pair of briefs, 'no show' briefs I think they call them (honestly, who knew there were more than two kinds of underwear: boxers or briefs?). They were 2 toned blue, with blue and white stripes on the back. I liked them immediately, and decided on taking a pair.
I shifted my gaze to the rows of nondescript boxed briefs. They had simple tags on the top, and trying to figure out what looked like what took forever. A smaller row of boxes sat in the far corner, and I gravitated towards them. 2xist Soy Briefs they were called, and I said what the hell and took one of those too.
Consequently enough, I came home this weekend to visit the frozen wasteland of small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere. It sounds harsh, but I really love my hometown, enough to make all sorts of fun of it. I had stuffed my new purchases in my bag, and pushed them out of my mind as I made the trip to meet my mom at the station.
Upon finally getting home, I headed up to my room to drop off my stuff...and try on my new briefs. I slipped in one leg, then the other, pulled them up to my waist and stared at my nearly naked body and blue-white striped briefs.
"Cute!" I cried out. I don't know what it is, something as functional and boring as underwear, but seeing these patterned, sexy-cut briefs on my (or any other) nearly naked body is just really attractive.
Quickly I pulled on the other Soy pair. They have a beautiful blue main section with a shocking lime green waistband. As soon as I pulled them up, I shivered. They have to be the most comfortable things going. Soft as cashmere, the box said, and as sexy as the other pair.
I changed back into my clothes, shoved the briefs in a drawer, and ignored them until the next day. After wearing them for a full day, I have to say they're damn comfy, feel and look sexy, and I'm ecstatically happy with them. The only strange part is the fact that my balls kept getting randomly itchy throughout the day. I peg it on the fact that they've got some sharp-ish hair on them, which must be rubbing the close-cupping briefs.
My other observation is I need to do some manscaping. Those briefs really show a lot of skin, and since I want to show them off, I've gotta clean up the areas around them.
Honestly, I never thought I'd ever be buying sexy underwear and cleaning up by appearance 'below the belt'. I seem to get progressively more concerned with these things, as I get progressively more active sexually. But why did I never care with women before?
It wasn't supposed to be like this! I'm a non-sexy-underwear kind of guy! But after checking out some pics somewhere in my Internet travels, I discovered that a) boys look even cuter in designed underwear than the Haynes grey/white versions everyone else wears b) they look comfy as hell and c) my standby grey boxers are boring and unflattering.
With all this in mind, I headed out shopping for a sweater, since it's been so damned cold around here and all my super-winter clothes are tucked away at home. At some point, I passed through The Bay (for my international readers, The Bay is a department store like Sears, only much better. Having never been to a Macy’s before, I can't comment on comparisons to it.)
To get to the men’s clothes, you must walk through the men’s underwear. And with my fledgling underwear obsession still fresh in my mind, I started browsing.
There were all types, the economy models, the sport models, the work models...and the fun models. I was getting a little overwhelmed, since I've worn boxers for a million years and briefs were just so not 'in' during High School, so I didn't end up buying anything. On the way out the door, a mannequin was wearing very sexy 2xist red underwear that immediately caught my eye. I shrugged it off, and headed out.
Friday came and I suffered through another four hours straight of lectures. I'm getting lazier than I should be, hitting the sleep button a little too often...I usually get there on time, but I always stop for coffee on the way, so I have to factor that extra few minutes into my travel time. By Friday, I'm never out the door in time, and always have to get coffee halfway through a lecture, or worse, not at all. (By the way, I love coffee. Just in case you missed that.)
So after class, I gleefully grabbed my bag and headed to The Bay for some shopping. I'd decided the only way to know if I could actually wear/like these underwear was to buy a pair and try them out.
The first thing I noticed arriving in the Men's Undergarments section was that my desired 2xist briefs were 25% off. Ha ha! I'm being sexy and frugal!
The second thing I noticed was the slightly-creepy-rather-gay-old-man who was checking out the 2xist section too...shouldn't that be illegal? I mean, after you hit 45, don't you just wear old plaid boxers?
After reminding myself that I'm a mature person, who understands that all old people are not perverts but simply old and sexually undesirable, I started picking through the booty. I saw lots of the red briefs the mannequin was wearing before, but none of them seemed to be 'interesting' enough. They were just plain red, which is fun, but if I was going to try patterned underwear, then dammit I was buying something with more pizzazz than that.
Next was a pair of briefs, 'no show' briefs I think they call them (honestly, who knew there were more than two kinds of underwear: boxers or briefs?). They were 2 toned blue, with blue and white stripes on the back. I liked them immediately, and decided on taking a pair.
I shifted my gaze to the rows of nondescript boxed briefs. They had simple tags on the top, and trying to figure out what looked like what took forever. A smaller row of boxes sat in the far corner, and I gravitated towards them. 2xist Soy Briefs they were called, and I said what the hell and took one of those too.
Consequently enough, I came home this weekend to visit the frozen wasteland of small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere. It sounds harsh, but I really love my hometown, enough to make all sorts of fun of it. I had stuffed my new purchases in my bag, and pushed them out of my mind as I made the trip to meet my mom at the station.
Upon finally getting home, I headed up to my room to drop off my stuff...and try on my new briefs. I slipped in one leg, then the other, pulled them up to my waist and stared at my nearly naked body and blue-white striped briefs.
"Cute!" I cried out. I don't know what it is, something as functional and boring as underwear, but seeing these patterned, sexy-cut briefs on my (or any other) nearly naked body is just really attractive.
Quickly I pulled on the other Soy pair. They have a beautiful blue main section with a shocking lime green waistband. As soon as I pulled them up, I shivered. They have to be the most comfortable things going. Soft as cashmere, the box said, and as sexy as the other pair.
I changed back into my clothes, shoved the briefs in a drawer, and ignored them until the next day. After wearing them for a full day, I have to say they're damn comfy, feel and look sexy, and I'm ecstatically happy with them. The only strange part is the fact that my balls kept getting randomly itchy throughout the day. I peg it on the fact that they've got some sharp-ish hair on them, which must be rubbing the close-cupping briefs.
My other observation is I need to do some manscaping. Those briefs really show a lot of skin, and since I want to show them off, I've gotta clean up the areas around them.
Honestly, I never thought I'd ever be buying sexy underwear and cleaning up by appearance 'below the belt'. I seem to get progressively more concerned with these things, as I get progressively more active sexually. But why did I never care with women before?
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