Insult to injury...

I know I have no idea how I look, but it's a little disconcerting to hear that others also have no idea how big/small I am.

Earlier in the week I stopped by American Apparel. To be fair, I've never been in before, but they've been advertising underwear on Facebook, and since we all know I love underwear, I decided to pick up a pair or two and give them a test drive.

When I walked into the store, their stereo was playing Stevie Nicks. My respect for them went up 50 points.

So, as I tried not to dance around, I checked out the variety of colors available. They have everything from the usual dark blue/green/red to bright pink, purple and baby blue. Naturally, on their mannequins, they looked quite cute.

There was no size chart posted, so I guesstimated my size, since XL was 36-38, I assumed small would be 30-32. I grabbed a mint green pair and a cranberry pair, and headed for the cash.

Standing behind the counter was a very cute guy, roughly 24, with a lean body. I've tried to describe him before, but it's quite difficult; he wasn't twinky-rail thin, but he was on the verge of it, except for what appeared to be quite well defined arms.

He took my stuff and scanned one, then the next, then stopped and looked up at me.

"You know," he said, "I wear a small."

There was a pause for added effect, as the colour started to drain from my face and my eye started to twitch.

"I'm just saying..." he trailed off, "because we don't have a return policy on underwear."

If I could have gasped in horror, I would have, but he'd effectively taken my breath away. Instead of retorting with something clever and original, or simply asking what his waist size was to compare mine to his, I simply stood there.

"They'll be fine, I'm sure," I said, with as much deadly articulation as I could muster. Hell, I didn't even care if they did fit just then, I was out to make a point.

"OK," he said, shoving them back at me.

Gah! Fuck! Just how big does he think I am!? I mean, I'm tall, and the coat I was wearing was really baggy, but come on. I didn't think I looked that big!?


Brent Corrigan: Undoubtedly wearing XS red American Apparel briefs, and looking damn fine in them. Clearly, he looks his size. Clearly, I do not.

I ranted the entire way out of the store and down the street, a friend in tow. "Just how fucking big do you think I am!?" I pleaded with her.

"Uh...I don't know?" she said. To her credit, I wouldn't take a stab in the dark at guessing my weight with me in that mood.

"Fucking 31 inch waist, that's how big!" I breathed. "How could he think I wouldn't fit? I look that fat?"

Clearly, I was approaching this calmly and rationally.

As soon as I got home, I ripped my pants off and tore open the briefs. I held them up to me; they seemingly looked fine. One leg through, then the other, and they were sitting comfortably around my waist.

Tempting as it was, I didn't march back outside, mint green briefs on, and go back to the sales boy to prove my point.

It did raise the question for me, as well as some insecurities...such as how big do I appear to other people? I've snuck glances at boys jeans sizes before, and I'm a bit of a conundrum; we're the same size, yet they look one hell of a lot skinnier than I do (I think, anyway).

I mean, should I start wearing a sign with my vitals on it, and put in on my back? It seems like everyone is truly obsessed with everyone else's stats, and in a world where waist and cock size is seeming more important than IQ or GPA results, it's sorta scary that I don't look like what I truly am.

I haven't put the briefs through the wash yet, so I can't comment on their comfort, but I do know one thing; I'm a fucking small in American Apparel underwear.