Stick a fork in me...

Well, actually, more like a needle.

Gotta say, I'm not doing so hot these days. I'm trying not to get worried about it, but that's easier said than done.

Ever since I was sick, I've felt really off. I mean, on almost every level. For some reason, it really threw me, and I've gotten really tired about not feeling like myself.

I'm also tired of jolting awake every morning at about 7:30 a.m. to these weird internal pains, centered in my stomach. It sorta feels like someone zip-tied my stomach, forcing pressure on it from all angles. On top of that is the acid, the churning, and the nausea.

Thankfully, it usually passes by about 9 a.m. But while it's happening, and I'm trying to sleep, it really feels awful, and to me, it says something isn't quite right.

So this morning, fed up with the strange pains that seem to come and go, I did what anybody would do...went on WebMD. A few clicks later, and I was feeding my symptoms into their system, and the results weren't wonderful.

Of course, this isn't medical advice, and it naturally panders to the worst-possible situations, but it was helpful information. The number one prospect was an ulcer; it seemed to jive rather well with the come-and-go pain, as well as the loss of appetite and the fact that Tums helps bring the pain back under control. Also reassuring, the treatment seemed pretty mundane, consisting of antacids and some sort of medication that stops the ulcer and helps heal the wound.

Under that was a host of gastro-intestinal issues, that all sound frankly quite nasty. Nothing that seemed to insanely serious...but still, nothing pleasant.

So, I decided enough was enough, and that I would actually go to a doctor and get some real medical advice. Here in Toronto I don't actually have a 'family doctor'; essentially the two times I needed a doctor, I went to a walk-in clinic. So that's where I headed.

After an hour and a half wait, I finally saw a doctor and explained my symptoms. I knew better than to start the conversation, "Well, I was online this morning and..." so I stuck to the symptoms. She asked very few questions and seemed less than interested in 'digging deep' into what was causing my problems.

"Well, let's just run some blood tests and see what comes back," she said. "But yes, you shouldn't feel like this, your stomach feels very constricted and tender to me."

It was then that I interjected about my family's history of stomach cancer and ulcers, to which she did take notice, and tagged a few more tests on, including one that tests for the presence of the bacteria that causes stomach cancer.

The woman that took my samples was a complete sweetheart, pretty much holding my hand while taking her four vials. I hate needles, and I hate getting shots...but that only comes second to the loathing I have for blood samples. I get all clammy and pale and feel awful, yet at my height people don't take me as the type to be such a wuss.

After the blood was over with, I was given another four vials for...uh...other excretions that I get to do at home. How I'm supposed to collect anything with the toothpick of a scoop they gave me, I'll never know, but I get to have a new experience.

I was shocked, when I was ready to leave, at the general lack of information the medical system gives us. Nobody had a clue when my results would come back, and I was assured that they would not be calling me if what they were testing for came back negative. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do if that happens? There was no mention of setting up another appointment to find out what's what, which leaves me almost hoping they find out what's wrong with me fairly easily and quickly.

This is the first time I've ever really had to wait for results in any medical situation. Sure, I wait for my mom's results on a regular basis, but never my own, and to admit it, it's a little scary. I don't like not knowing what's happening, and since neither the doctor nor I at this moment have a clear diagnosis, it leaves me feeling a little apprehensive. Not that I really think anything is drastically wrong with me...it's just scary being at the mercy of the system that was really less than personal, and less than accommodating.

I guess I'll just put it out of my mind for now. As for what I can do to give my gut a break, the doctor suggested Pepto Bismol.

Great, now that's what I call fucking great advice.