What are you hiding under there...

I've desperately fallen in love with semi-sexy underwear.

It wasn't supposed to be like this! I'm a non-sexy-underwear kind of guy! But after checking out some pics somewhere in my Internet travels, I discovered that a) boys look even cuter in designed underwear than the Haynes grey/white versions everyone else wears b) they look comfy as hell and c) my standby grey boxers are boring and unflattering.

With all this in mind, I headed out shopping for a sweater, since it's been so damned cold around here and all my super-winter clothes are tucked away at home. At some point, I passed through The Bay (for my international readers, The Bay is a department store like Sears, only much better. Having never been to a Macy’s before, I can't comment on comparisons to it.)

To get to the men’s clothes, you must walk through the men’s underwear. And with my fledgling underwear obsession still fresh in my mind, I started browsing.

There were all types, the economy models, the sport models, the work models...and the fun models. I was getting a little overwhelmed, since I've worn boxers for a million years and briefs were just so not 'in' during High School, so I didn't end up buying anything. On the way out the door, a mannequin was wearing very sexy 2xist red underwear that immediately caught my eye. I shrugged it off, and headed out.

Friday came and I suffered through another four hours straight of lectures. I'm getting lazier than I should be, hitting the sleep button a little too often...I usually get there on time, but I always stop for coffee on the way, so I have to factor that extra few minutes into my travel time. By Friday, I'm never out the door in time, and always have to get coffee halfway through a lecture, or worse, not at all. (By the way, I love coffee. Just in case you missed that.)

So after class, I gleefully grabbed my bag and headed to The Bay for some shopping. I'd decided the only way to know if I could actually wear/like these underwear was to buy a pair and try them out.

The first thing I noticed arriving in the Men's Undergarments section was that my desired 2xist briefs were 25% off. Ha ha! I'm being sexy and frugal!

The second thing I noticed was the slightly-creepy-rather-gay-old-man who was checking out the 2xist section too...shouldn't that be illegal? I mean, after you hit 45, don't you just wear old plaid boxers?

After reminding myself that I'm a mature person, who understands that all old people are not perverts but simply old and sexually undesirable, I started picking through the booty. I saw lots of the red briefs the mannequin was wearing before, but none of them seemed to be 'interesting' enough. They were just plain red, which is fun, but if I was going to try patterned underwear, then dammit I was buying something with more pizzazz than that.

Next was a pair of briefs, 'no show' briefs I think they call them (honestly, who knew there were more than two kinds of underwear: boxers or briefs?). They were 2 toned blue, with blue and white stripes on the back. I liked them immediately, and decided on taking a pair.

I shifted my gaze to the rows of nondescript boxed briefs. They had simple tags on the top, and trying to figure out what looked like what took forever. A smaller row of boxes sat in the far corner, and I gravitated towards them. 2xist Soy Briefs they were called, and I said what the hell and took one of those too.

Consequently enough, I came home this weekend to visit the frozen wasteland of small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere. It sounds harsh, but I really love my hometown, enough to make all sorts of fun of it. I had stuffed my new purchases in my bag, and pushed them out of my mind as I made the trip to meet my mom at the station.

Upon finally getting home, I headed up to my room to drop off my stuff...and try on my new briefs. I slipped in one leg, then the other, pulled them up to my waist and stared at my nearly naked body and blue-white striped briefs.

"Cute!" I cried out. I don't know what it is, something as functional and boring as underwear, but seeing these patterned, sexy-cut briefs on my (or any other) nearly naked body is just really attractive.

Quickly I pulled on the other Soy pair. They have a beautiful blue main section with a shocking lime green waistband. As soon as I pulled them up, I shivered. They have to be the most comfortable things going. Soft as cashmere, the box said, and as sexy as the other pair.

I changed back into my clothes, shoved the briefs in a drawer, and ignored them until the next day. After wearing them for a full day, I have to say they're damn comfy, feel and look sexy, and I'm ecstatically happy with them. The only strange part is the fact that my balls kept getting randomly itchy throughout the day. I peg it on the fact that they've got some sharp-ish hair on them, which must be rubbing the close-cupping briefs.

My other observation is I need to do some manscaping. Those briefs really show a lot of skin, and since I want to show them off, I've gotta clean up the areas around them.

Honestly, I never thought I'd ever be buying sexy underwear and cleaning up by appearance 'below the belt'. I seem to get progressively more concerned with these things, as I get progressively more active sexually. But why did I never care with women before?