Why do we care so much what other people, particularily our friends, think of us and of our actions?
The reason is obvious, with most people we would hate for them to look at us as if we were strange and associating with us would be socially undesireable. So we alter ourselves, not necessarily drastic changes, but enough so that people won't be put off by something we said or did.
Case in point, yesterday afternoon a group of friends and I randomly went to see Children of Men after class. We got into the theatre just in time (damn cheap ticket Tuesdays, every bloody retiree and their mother was there), and settled into some pretty good seats.
As the movie played (it's excellent, if you haven't seen it, I suggest you do, really powerful film) I found myself on the verge of tears in a few scenes. I'll not explain them too much, in case you haven't seen it, but two moments where I was trying not to cry featured the beautiful goodbye between Michael Caine and his wife, and of course later in the film, the parting of the sea of people upon seeing a human baby.
I was just so overwhelmed by the amazing performances, the cinematography...truely an amazing film (not many make me cry, for the record). But as I sat in the dark theatre, I fought the urge to leak a tear or two. With a friend on either side of me, I was terrified to reach up and wipe my eyes, fearful of their reaction.
Would guy on the right recoil in horror at the fact a friend and fellow student would be crying in a movie theatre filled with strangers? Might the girl to my left laugh out loud at the fact I'm sobbing over Michael Caine's performance?
Looking back, I doubt either of them would have cared in the slightest, they're great people and generally very liberal. But my social fear, that I'd be blacklisted as a soft-hearted sucker, prevented me from being myself. I don't even know why I care about such a trivial issue; crying in that movie would certainly be allowed by many. But I couldn't bring myself to just...be myself.
And why would I be so terrified about my friends reaction? It begs the further question...how will I handle coming out to my friends when I can't even cry in a movie in front of them?
1 comment:
OMG I was the same way in the movie. I had tried so hard not to cry at some scenes. It was a great movie. And definitely had to hold myself back in fear of what my friend who sat next to me would think of me wiping off a tear or two. *sigh*...sounds like we are both too outwardly concerned of what everyone else will think about us...it's kinda sad...but I mean, we care that's all, right?
fI
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