My night ended with me leaving McDonalds more depressed than when I went in. No, not because of the massive amounts of calories I'd had bagged up, hell, the reason I was there was to get some comfort food.
The day started promisingly enough, with me enjoying my last hours at home before making the journey back into the city. I even went underwear shopping at another store (sadly I didn't find anything that caught my eye). With a skip in my step, I was on my way to meet Dave, another CraigsList friend who I'd been chatting with lately. He had a free place this afternoon, and welcomed me over for some fun.
When I finally met him, I was relieved at how cute he actually was. It's such a treat to meet someone and not recoil in horror at their appearence, if you had some pre-conceived notions about their looks. It happened to me a few times when I first started chatting with guys online, thankfully I hadn't made any plans to sleep with those ones, so I didn't have to make any bad scenes.
We got to his house, and pulled off our coats. He wandered inside, and I followed him to the stairs. He turned on his heel, leaned back against the door frame, and smiled.
I love the look a guy gives you when it's "time". His whole face changed, eyes penetrating mine, mouth firm but with relaxed lips, the slightest curve of a smile in the corners. Suddenly the boy who was cute and slightly shy a few minutes ago was sending me all sorts of signals. Two seconds later, our lips locked, and he was dragging me into the bedroom.
His hands moved all over my body as we kissed deeply, sliding under my shirt, into my pants, then popping my fly open. When he finally had my pants open, he dropped to his knees and pulled down my (sexy new 2xist blue) briefs (without even getting to appriciate me in them...) and was instantly sucking my cock. I was on cloud nine, and very turned on by the fact thtat he was so into what was going on. His entire attention was on me, and he held nothing back as he bobbed up and down.
By that time, I'd pulled off my shirt, and was completely naked, with him fully clothed. He stopped, pulled off his shirt and pants, and resumed sucking me off. It was pretty great, all in all, and when he stood up I held his naked body and kissed him. I'm starting to realize I'm much more into intimate sex than suck-you-off-and-blow-my-load type sex. We had a pretty good rythem going, between sucking each other and exploring each other's bodies.
Finally, we each blew our loads, and collapsed for a few seconds. I'll never understand why some guys immediately start getting dressed, I personally love to just lay there for a bit and catch my breath, and of course cuddle...sadly Dave seemed less than interested in making out while our cum dried on our bodies.
We went downstairs for a drink, and sat awkwardly at the kitchen table. I'm not really great at making post-sex conversation in this type of situation, so he did most of the talking, with me nodding along and asking a few questions about him. First, I asked if he was gay/bi, because he'd never said before. His answer surprised me a little, simply saying, "I've slept with more girls than guys."
"Ok, so how many guys?"
"Well, you. And one other one."
Ahhh...now things make more sense. As he started to tell me about his first experience, he could never maintain eye contact with me, much less look at me. Not that he was ignoring me, but he just didn't pay me any attention. This is the thing I'm beginning to understand that gay guys dislike about bi guys: once the sex is over, there's no more kissing, cuddling, or interest in the other guy. It's just over, and lets all pretend this didn't happen.
We finished our drinks, and he looked at me. I suggested one of two things, that he could either send me on my way, or that we could go back upstairs and get naked between the sheets again.
He hesitated. "Well...it's getting later, I mean nobody's home for another two hours, but..."
More hesitation. He looked to me, then the fridge, then the clock. "I guess we'd better call it a day."
I sighed inwardly. I felt a little disappointed. And that's what's been on my mind since leaving his place.
I understand the 'rules' of NSA sex, not to expect anything else to come of it, after the fluids are exchanged it's over and you should be on your way. But I can't help from hoping each time that the next guy I hook up with will want me to stick around after we're done, to cuddle, have dinner, watch TV...hang out...get to know each other...I mean I'm not shacking up with 35-year-olds, the guys I've spent time with are my age, so one would think they too might be interested in more than just sex.
So as I made my way home, I got more and more depressed about my situation. I came to the conclusion that I must want a boyfriend, because I don't seem to be getting the fufilment I'm looking for with the guy's I've been with so far. What's bothering me, I don't know (which in itself drives me crazy). But once I hit my doorstep, I just felt awful inside. Nothing seemed to be making any sense. I want to be with someone, but I can't find anyone because I'm not out, but I can get boys online, but they don't want to hold my hand after I've taken their load on my chest, but maybe I'll finally find someone I'm compatible with who wants the same thing I do, but that seems to break the 'rules' of NSA...
Then I called Lisa, because I didn't want to wind up alone for the evening. She told me about her weekend, and then about how much work she has to do for the rest of the week...and then she asked me what was wrong. I told her I didn't even know myself, but hoped we could talk soon about stuff. As I was talking to her, another guy invited me over to his place for the evening...
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