Another weekend is behind me...

Life goes in crazy bursts. For days I was busy, running around Toronto with friends, shopping, watching movies, doing touristy stuff…and for the past few days I’ve been doing nothing.

Having gone home to small-town-bum-fuck-nowhere for the last few days of reading week, I didn’t make any big plans. I didn’t want to, really, because I needed to have some rest and relaxation, and maybe do some homework considering I’m on a study break. And that’s been the case, not a lot has gone on. My grandparents came to visit yesterday, so we did the whole ‘family day’ thing, which I always love, except when they tell the same stories they told you last time…

I’m also getting a little stressed about school. This semester has been bizarre, I have less class than last semester, due to the fact I’m taking only 'required courses' except for one elective. But the required courses aren’t like normal ones, I don’t have to go to lectures, then write an essay, then do an exam. I have to hand in assignments on a much more regular basis, and do lots of different types of research, and unfortunately, group assignments.

I don’t even know why I’m worrying about school. I’m smart and good at it. But I'm an inherent worrier, and as much as I try to adopt the attitude of the brash University student, who says "Fuck you work!" I never am able to. I don't worry about work until I procrastonate (another University talent) to the point where I start to feel a huge amount of pressure. Even though I know I'll be able to pull everything off, and do well at it, and make excellent points, I still get worried for some reason. Ugh, stupid personality!

But tonight I'm putting it all again behind me. I'm back in Toronto, Brian is back, and we've made plans to hang out. We both miss each other, with him actually verbalizing "I miss you a lot and can't wait to see you" and me asking him what he's doing tonight. Honestly, I'm getting scared. I don't know why, because this is exactly what I fucking want. Someone who I miss, who misses me, and who I can't wait to see again. But dammit, I don't want to move things too quickly, to make things between us too comfortable, because I don't want to end up hurting him (or being hurt myself) if I decide that there's someone else I'm more interested in.

Maybe I'll broach the issue of what exactly we are. I say we're dating, becuase that's what it is really, we haven't done any of the 'couply stuff', and it hasn't remotely been long enough for us to develop any feelings for each other. I think. But then I don't really know about all this...

See, in High School I never really did the dating thing. Not by choice, of course, but because I was never interested in anyone, or there was nobody interested in me. So I went through so many years lonely. Then there was Laura, whose relationhip I already described. There was someone else this summer, but we weren't 'dating' per se, we just spent almost every weekend together and often spent the night with each other.

So I don't know how responisble, mature adults date. Is there a guideline? Are you supposed to go out/spend time with X, then repeat with Y and Z, then 'choose' which one you want to be your boyfriend? Am I allowed to be all Highschool-esque with Brian, and still see other people?

The bottom line is, since Brian isn't playing the field, I don't want to be a bastard and hurt him because I don't know what I'm doing.