Could it be...

Ahh...back to civilization. Back to the busy city streets, lights that burn all night, car horns and aeroplanes and being harassed by the homeless.

I had a brilliant weekend up North, doing the whole Canadian cabin-in-the-woods thing with my parents. We played in the snow and had fires and generally enjoyed the Canadian winter, with this being the first time we've gone up yonder to enjoy the outdoors. I didn't get any skiing in sadly, but I've got some plans to go soon with a friend. Skip a day of school, head to a ski hill not too far from the city, and ski my ass off for the day.

While I was away I made several observations about myself. I enjoyed the time with my family immensely, as I always do, but I couldn't help thinking to myself how much sweeter the weekend would have been had I someone to share it with. Sitting in front of the fire, drinking beer and staring out at the frozen lake, throwing snowballs at each other, dinner, swimming in the pool, relaxing in the sauna, climbing into that queen sized bed...

I also can't believe how much I missed my daily writing. It was hard not to think of a million things to say, and resist the urge to pull out a pad of paper and start jotting things down. But I didn't...any my memory is shot tonight, so the big musing of the weekend was about actually wanting someone to share it with.

My time back in the city has also been pretty interesting and unexpected. I arrived home Monday night, tire, resigned to studying for midterms. I had been in the door about half an hour when I started talking to Brian, a guy who I've chatted with on and off for the past few weeks. Our conversations always were a little strained, with me imagining him as some rather uninterested, fabulous guy who was wasting his time talking to me. But it turns out, he's a lot like I am.

We talked about each others weekends, and he admitted that he hadn't done much of anything. I was shocked, considering my pre-fabricated ideas about him. Then, with piles of work over my head, I said the words I can't seem to stop saying, "Would you like to do something tonight?"

An hour and a bit later, I was on a streetcar headed to meet him for dinner. We ate, talked, laughed a lot, smiled coyly at each other, got lost in each others stares, went for drinks after a two hour dinner, and parted awkwardly at the subway station. It was amazing. I had a successful date.

When I got home, I did some last-ditch studying, and headed for bed. But I couldn't bring myself to shut my phone off. I stared at it for a few minutes, so much on my mind. Basically, the evening ended a little too coldly for my liking, and I wanted him to know it. I wanted to give him a passionate kiss on the tracks and leave him wanting more. But there were people all around us, and no matter how gay-friendly Toronto is, I couldn't bring myself to do it in that public of a place.

So there I was, 1:20 a.m., cell in hand. I opted for e-mail instead (so I could shut my phone off and still get his reply). I wrote simply: "I wish I had kissed you at the station."

This morning, when I checked my mail, he had replied a minute after my message. "I wish you had as well."

With a smile on my face, I headed to class. Halfway through, my phone vibrates a sticatto pulse. New text message.

"Hey, I wondered if you wanted to go for coffee after your class?"

At 3 p.m. we met up again, went for coffee, which turned into shopping, which turned into walking around the city, freezing ourselves and our ears in the process. We chatted, did more awkward smiling at each other. And then I asked him.

"What are you doing for Valentines Day."

So now we have plans for tomorrow night, involving iced cream, mini frozen pizzas, Sex and the City and some rather bad wine.

Tonight, while I was hanging out at Lisa's, he called me out of the blue. Just wanting to chat. Asking if I was cold, since it's snowing like crazy tonight. I promised to call him back when I got home.

And I did. We talked for an hour about nothing in particular, he told me he hoped he wasn't boring me to death; I laughed and told him the same thing. We both said about a million times how much we're looking forward to tomorrow night, though never really discussing what tomorrow night will be all about. I said goodnight, since I'm really wiped and need to get some sleep.

Three minues later, my cell vibrates. New text message.

"Am i allowed to say i really like you :)"

Oh God. What am I getting myself into?...