An awkward moment...

Want to know what awkward feels like?

Awkward feels like walking through a crowded mall, with you Mom, and wondering if you'll run into someone you really don't want to see. So far you've been lucky; every time before, when you walk past the store that he works in, he hasn't been there. That's been on at least four separate occasions, so maybe he's moved on from that job.

As you walk, with her talking about something, the little flutter of terror murmurs in your stomach. It would be one thing to see him alone, or with friends. It's another thing to run into him with your mother in tow.

You shake your head. This is silly! It was one date, one not-so-great date, that you just forgot to return a phone call from. Never mind that he waited outside your building after the date, hoping you would call him to come upstairs (even after he told you he wouldn't think of such a thing. In retrospect it could have been a little fun, but c'est la vie.) OK, so you fucked it up, and feel a little guilty about not coming clean and saying the "it's not you it's me" line.

But now you wonder what's going to happen when he sees you. Will he even recognize you? Will he wave, say hi? Should you be the bigger man and say hey?

A few feet to go, and you nervously check your phone. No messages...but of course there aren't any, you would have felt it vibrate. Abandoning that, you go to slide it back into your pocket when you look up.

Like a scene from a movie, the crowd parts for the briefest moment, and there he is, standing having coffee with a couple people in front of his store. You look straight ahead, but the expression on his face betrays him. He's seen you, but looks quizzically at you. In a nanosecond the crowd envelops them again.

Panicking, you start to talk about the smallest detail to your mother, distracting yourself and her from the situation. Your phone is your shield, still clutched in your hand, and you wave it wildly in front of you in an overly exaggerated way, as if you're really, really involved in a serious conversation.

And just like that you're past him. A few stores later, your Mom steps inside one. You follow, then watch the door to see if he followed you.

For a moment you wonder why you are so pathetic, why you couldn't just go back and say hi to him. Make a bit of small talk, or see if he even wants to speak to you again. In your minds eye, after that brief glance, he looked better than you remembered... but no, you walk out of the store, back into the mall, as if this little drama has never occurred.

And that's what awkward feels like.