Oh, hey!...

So, what exactly is the etiquette when you bump into someone you know on gay websites?

No, I'm not talking about bumping into someone you know's porn photo shoot (though that would be ridiculously hot, albeit awkward, depending on the person...) I'm talking about running into someone you're acquainted with on gay 'dating' sites.

I hate the term 'online dating' and the biases that stem from it. At this point in my life, I haven't become so superior (or cynical, I'm not sure which yet) that I look down on the things. And recently, while devouring some insightful (read: fluffy) gay media, I was stunned at the number of couples who had met online.

This flies in the face of a conversation I had just the other day, with a friend who tried to convince me that I would never meet anyone worthwhile by looking for dates online. "Look, how did we meet?" she asked.

"Friend of a friend," I said, "but we're not dating."

"But my point is," she said emphatically, "you think you're going to meet a quality person online by simply clicking a profile? You think a relationship will actually go somewhere that started without you even knowing something about the person, not even meeting them through someone?"

I understand her point, that it's much easier to have a feel for someone, and be drawn together 'naturally' by meeting people in a physical interaction. But as for the argument that you'll know they are a more compatible partner based on your conversation with them, what about the thousands of people that go out on dates with someone they just met? How about those people who just casually exchange numbers, and actually use them? Are they all damned to failed relationships too, simply because they didn't fraternize with their other half before starting the dating process?

The appeal of meeting people online is understandable, to me (at this point anyway). You get a bit of a sales pitch, compare interests and sneak a glimpse into the image they portray of themselves. Hell, people even post their statistics for all to see.

Then come the initial small talk. From the comfort of your home, you can engage with someone in a chat to see if you have anything in common, to test the potential for good conversation. It's pretty much like a real coffee date, in a way; you get the initial "Hi" out of the way and see if there's really anything going on behind that (presumably) pretty face.

It seems that the book is constantly being written on the 'online' experience, but at the moment the prevailing mood is an acceptance of it as part of gay society. During my reading I was amused by the profile of a couple that were (from what I recall) 22 and 23 respectively. According to what I read, "Like any closeted gay teens, the two met online and finally decided to take their relationship into the physical realm." It seems the rubber stamp has been given to trying to connect to people via 0's and 1's, even if only at the early stages of your gay life.

But back to my point...in this magical world of gay websites, what does one do when he runs head first into someone he knows?

Let me preface my relationship to this particular boy. He's the type that I wave to when I pass on the street, or occasionally say hi to if he's chatting to someone I know. Not the most warm and cuddly contact between us, but no loathing (as far as I know).

Actually, he's the last person I'd have expected to see grace the gay internet's stage. Sociable, connected, easy on the eyes...actually, pretty much what I would identify as a well-adjusted gay 20-something. Seeing him online does two things: reinforce that I'm (while maybe not completely in the right) at least not completely wrong for trying to meet guys online, but also terrifies me that this presumably well-to-do-mo has to be searching for dates online.

And like I said before, what does this say about online dating itself? The approval of the method for 'closeted gay teens' is understandable, but this boy is not what I would call innocent new blood.

Short of being genuinely intrigued by him, I don't really expect to strike up a genuine friendship between us. But as acquaintances, and as a polite sort of guy, I pained over the question of acknowledging his presence or not.

So is the gay site the same as the gay street? Am I supposed to wave in passing, or gracefully ignore his presence? Is it embarrassing to admit to the world that you're trying to meet people online, or is it just the next step in the natural social evolution of gays, a people that usually tend to need to meet people through means other than 'mainstream'? And is he himself having this same discussion, trying to decide if he should send me a friendly "Hey there!" message or not?

And does it say something if he himself never acknowledges my online presence?

Or is he a bad cyber-citizen too?