Schoolchildren of all ages...

Presuming I ever do start accessing gay culture, will I be able to do it easily because of my age?

I know that sounds stupid, but think of it this way. An 18-year-old comes out and starts to do gay things (whatever those are). People instinctively are protective and understanding of his youth and the fact he needs to be taught about the ins-and-outs of the gay life. After all, he's just a baby!

They are more sensitive to him and his needs and fears, because, after all, he's new to this! So lets get him some hot jeans, hair styled, teach him the warning signs of lecherous users, and send him out into the big gay world.

But are guys in their 20's afforded the same thing? Do people think, after all, they are a bit older...they probably don't need as much help.

In a recent issue of FAB Magazine, an article on the apparently dying night life in Toronto caught my attention with the line, "Every year, a healthy surge of twinks is delivered into the grasp of this city's club owners, and far too many of these owners are completely oblivious to decor and originality." I was surprised at the blatant use of the 'newly gay' demographic being described as twinks...which in common understanding means 18-20 year old bois. There was no mention of the influx of the 25 year old gay men who are looking for an accepting place for them to spread their wings, or the middle-aged gay men who have just recently ditched their wives and have decided to live the life they want to.

Perhaps it's just insinuated in gay culture that men past the age of 20 will be participating in some form of gay activities, even if they are closeted, married or otherwise not living it up in the gay villages of the world. After all, going all those years without so much as kissing a man at a gay bar or similar would be fairly unlikely...right?

I was out for dinner in the gay village a few nights ago and had the good fortune of being sat at a table next to two very cute guys who were out on a date. Both were in their early 20's, fashionable without being ridiculous, and just radiated that soft energy that announced, "I'm gay and know how to do it well."

It occured to me during the meal that these two weren't fresh off the S.S. Closet. At some point they took the steps to becoming the guys they were that night, the gay education that prepared them to obviously meet and pursue some gay activities. An amusing but insane idea popped through my head; how would they respond if I asked them about it, about how it went and how they were treated?

Obviously I didn't, but I'm beginning to wonder. In almost every other aspect of life, sports teams and clubs and anything else, people tend to stick to the groups they know the best. For a really young gay guy, that means having "a healthy surge of twinks" to go out and party with, guys going through the same life adjustments as they are. People in the same boat, roughly the same demographic, identified as being those in need of the most attention and guidance to get them started right. But thinking of guys a little bit older, or even 20 years older, who are normally surrounded by men who have been out and part of the scene for years on end, it must be difficult to socialize and be accepted and appreciated as a newly out gay 20,30 or 40-something, who by all accounts would be the odd duck in the room.

As we all know from just reading blogs, there are gay men out there of every age who are figuring their sexualities out and deciding to live as openly gay men. Somehow or other, they make it happen, point being that they get out there, meet people and make friends, and so on. So it must not be completely impossible as one gets older to be welcomed by the community.

However, I would predict that there are 'pockets of resistance' at certain ages that make it difficult. For example, I would think 22-23 would be an awkward age, because people must just assume if you're coming out, it will be way before that age. Same would go for someone in their mid-30's and mid-40's; guys would possibly be more inclined to come out after large life events such as divorce, or the dreaded mid-life crisis...things that don't necessarily happen at age 36 or 47.

Again, this may just sound like me making excuses for myself, but I do feel like I'm in a bit of an awkward age for coming out and learning the gay ropes. I'm not a first-year student anymore, I'm actually speeding towards the end of my degree. I'm not 18 anymore, I'm 21 (and apparently going on 35, according to some people...). I'm also not old enough to be a guy coming out of a long-term straight relationship and trying to find my gay self. I'm just a 21-year-old kinda-out gay guy who really needs a team leader and a band of merry under-25's to hang around with.

Of course, it could be that gays of all ages remember how they took their first steps, at all different ages of life. Be they 18, or 25, or even 38, gay guys don't forget how hard it was to come out and start that 'new' gay life. And that means everyone needs a helping hand when knocking on the door of the gay party, regardless of age. Because, after all, you don't learn these skills anywhere else.