What's my age again...

I have become ever more aware of a purported 'truth' in the gay community.

Guys who are worth dating, apparently, only date older guys. Young guys in their early 20’s are ‘immature idiots’, and to be avoided in favor of older men who do not exhibit such qualities.

I read recently an instance of a 20-year-old (20! Good lord! Not even 21!) that does not date boys his own age, since they are 'immature and childish'. He insists on dating only those who are older than he is. Period.

What a frightening thought. To think that all my peers (and therefore myself as well) are 'immature and childish' makes dating and finding someone worthwhile even more trying. It seems to me a pretty shitty outlook on the gay community, and reduces the prospects of happily pairing off even more than they already were.

While I agree that some young people are truly vapid, insecure and unlearned, it's quite hypocritical. After all, this is a statement from a 20-year-old, who says he is past dating guys his own age. Yet, theoretically, he should not close the door since there must be other guys the same age as he is who have the same outlook on life, and are not 'immature and childish'. This fear of 20-something 'idiocy and immaturity', while in some people well founded, is condemning of an entire group of people who will one day grow up to be the 'older men'.

I do admit that, after thinking about this for a few days, dating older guys would probably satisfy many of the things that would make for a compatible relationship. While a part of me doesn't want to admit it, I can see being quite comfortable with someone just a little older, or with more mature tastes.

Case in point; last night I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. We don't see a ton of each other, but we get together once a month or so, and usually it involves going out for a great meal and some wine. We talk about all sorts of thing, from the mundane to the worldly and everything in between. Usually we rack up a bit of a bill, but when you're enjoying such good food and good company it is usually forgivable.

We got talking about how the both of us rarely have the opportunity to go out for such meals with people our own age. Of everyone I know, only a handful actually appreciate quality cuisine; for most my age, the magic is lost.

Now, I'm sure there are lots of guys older than I am who still have little appreciation for food, but the chances of finding someone who actually really enjoys fancy dinners would probably be much higher.

The same goes for taste in music, literature, film; the enjoyment of architecture, museums and traveling. Even compared to some friends my age, I have radically different taste. I have a sneaking suspicion that someone older would have more compatible tastes in these areas.

I'm not trying to be a snob here, as I hate pretentious 20-somethings that think they're intellectuals. But, thorough my entire life, I have always been the one with taste that falls just outside the 'mainstream' for the times (that is to say, for the age group). I remember vividly being the one breaking open bottles of red wine at high school parties, much to the horror of my friends. I took a lot of flack for my taste during those few months, until everyone realized how great wine was and it became the 'it' drink. For once, it seems, I was at the head of a new trend.

But, with all of this presumed similarity in taste between a young and an older guy, would we have anything actually in common?

As I try to keep an open mind about the age gap in dating, I can't help but wonder what a 20-year-old would have in common with a 35-year-old, other that the appreciation for a nice '04 Pey La Tour and a mutual disdain for revisionist architecture. While someone younger would still have school and family and summer jobs to worry about, someone older wouldn't have the same issues. A student who attends four hours of class a day cannot relate to a professional working 50 hours a week at a law office. The professional, working on buying his first house, cannot possibly comprehend the student-budget apartment living his boyfriend endures. The two come from such vastly different worlds. Will the mutual appreciation of art keep them together?

I firmly believe in the 'young at heart' aspect of anyone, at any age, so that is not part of this argument. Anyone can be whatever numeric age they are, but still have the energy and passion for life of a 20-year-old (and in many cases, more). But even if two people are of similar outlooks on life, would not the fundamental differences

And how too does this work for older guys who are dating these younger boys? Would they not carry the suspicion, as our 20-year-old example does, that boys of a younger age are not worth dating because of their attitudes and behaviour? Or are they older, and wiser, about the fundamental truths of humanity; that all people are not the same, and that there are wonderful people of every age.

The older guys who are in relationships must go through a lot of crap, from people their own age and from younger people themselves. I've been accused on many instances of being ageist, so it must be quite trying at times for someone older to have to justify his choice in a younger partner.

What about sex? I must admit, I really do enjoy the company of boys my own age over people significantly older than I am. I apparently have a taste for the type you still have to check ID's for to make sure everything's legal, something that I find odd since I don't really fantasize about 'underage sex' or sex with teenagers. Guys who are young-looking apparently scare people other than me. The ‘daddy’ type does not make my stomach flutter and eyes dance.

But back to the sex...my theory is it will be easier now to sleep with 18-22-year-olds than it will be when I'm 30. Is that right? I mean, I want to enjoy the ridiculous passion of youth, but will I be able to do so when I'm older? Or will it be, gasp, easier to pick up that 19-year-old who wants to show me his new tattoo?

And where does that leave the morals of the older crowd? I mean, if the young one is up for it, I guess there's no problem, but I would feel a bit off at first, questioning if dating older is what the guy 'really want's, not some kinky experimentation. Not that I’m implying there is anything wrong with a gap in age, but as someone unaccustomed to it myself, I would be hesitant at first, again, questioning if this is really what both party’s ‘want’.

Then again, there's lots of videos on xTube featuring younger guys and older guys together, claiming the young ones seek out the older, and both parties seem to be enjoying each other immensely.

In the recent debate in Canada over the age of sexual consent, gay and lesbian groups were outraged at the thought of raising the age from 14 to 16. The debate centred on the notion that the gay community is ‘inherent to relationships where large gaps in age exist’. The argument focused on the fact that, as a minority, it is difficult for an openly gay teenager to find sexual partners of their exact age, forcing them to explore people of other ages in an attempt to enter relationships and live the same sort of life their heterosexual peers do.

It seems everywhere that the idea of younger dating older is entrenched in the gay idiom, though admittedly for vastly different reasons. While GLBT groups argue it is out of necessity for younger people to find partners, my 20-year-old example simply does it because of his disdain for his own age group.

But I still fall back to my main argument; if I, at 21, am mature and have tastes of someone older than my age, there must be other 21-year-olds out there that possess the same qualities. I may be unique, but I can't be one-of-a-kind.

I supposed until it actually happens to me, I’ll never really know what it’s like to date someone older than I am by a margin of five years or more. I’ve dated people a year or two older, but nobody 26 or 27.

But the more people I have gone out with, the more I do realize that I am still just a bit ‘different’ than they are. When I think of the longevity of the relationship, sometimes I question if the person I’m with will really gel with me. Sure, there’s the flash of youthful passion, and the reassurance that you’ve a)finally found someone who likes you and b)have a boy to hold. But after a brief stint, I start to have a gnawing question in the back of my mind…is this really going to go anywhere?

That said, dating someone older might not solve that. The question of compatibility is one that crosses every age group, regardless if you have five years or five months in between you. But to harbour the attitude that someone younger, your own age, is simply not worthy of your time in dating is simply scary.

So keep your minds open, be it for an older guy, or a boy your own age; you just may be surprised at what you find.