On a freezing cold Saturday afternoon...

Why can I never hook up without issues?

This afternoon I was supposed to meet Danny at a major intersection near my place. I always want to meet people in busy places, since really you don't know who someone is from 'just online'. So I bundled up and headed out to meet him in the freezing afternoon hustle-bustle.

I arrived on time, took up a post against a building, and started scanning the crowd. Nobody I saw fit his description or pictures. I waited, not really minding being out in the fresh air. After 15 minutes, I started wondering where he was. I walked the length of the building, poked inside doors, stood near the subway entrance...nothing. I started to get worried, figuring he probably wasn't showing up.

Then, minutes later, a guy walked by that looked like him. He was wearing a black coat, brown shoes, and sunglasses. I stared at him, caught his gaze, and he kept walking. I became more and more sure it was him, and I waited as he walked by me, stopped, looked around, circled back, passed me again, and kept walking.

At this point, I was getting a little worried. Maybe this wasn't him...after all he'd just spent the last minute staring back at me, then walked away. I stopped, looked around some more, and lost him in the crowd.

I waited 40 minutes in total for him to come. I never saw the guy with the brown shoes again. Sighing, I trudged back home.

I immediately hit my e-mail to see if he'd written me while I was out. No luck. After firing off a quick "where are you" e-mail to him, I decided to head back out and check the street again. After minutes more of searching, I headed home.

Apparently he called me during that walk home, because when I pulled the phone out of my pocket, there was a number in my call display. Dialing it back, it turned out to be a pay-phone. Yes! He was still here!

I jumped back on e-mail, and literally as I clicked on I got an e-mail from him. He called me back, and was not impressed at the fact I didn't approach him on the street. I tried to convey the same argument about him. Either way, I didn't want to turn it into some big deal, so we immediately agreed to meet at a coffee shop near my place.

We hit the lineup at the same time, grabbed coffee, and started walking back to my place. He was really as cute as his photos were, but he wasn't very conversational. I babbled like an idiot trying to put not only him but myself at ease. It worked somewhat, but he was just a very dry person. Either that, or he really didn't like to talk to me that much.

Finally, we hit my place, clothes started coming off, and I finally saw the impressive 8"-er he talked about all the time. It really was nice. Everything about him was nice, his body was trim but not muscled, his face was cute but not artificial, his cock was huge but not monsterous. Then I started to worry...good old body image issues! I thankfully didn't start obsessing over it in bed, but once we were both naked, with the lights on, I was terrified he would look at me and run.

After a bit of oral stuff, we were ready to move on to the main event, aka my first bottoming experience. One finger, then two, then three, then my dildo (which he freaking stabbed me to death with). After that, I said I needed a break for a second, and ran to the washroom. He came too, to wash his hands. Just when he had went back into my room, and I was about to close the bathroom door, I heard my front door's lock tumble. My roommate was home.

'Shit,' I breathed to myself, naked, hard, and with a naked hard boy in my bed.

"Close the door to my bedroom!" I yelled panicking. "Close it!"

The door swung shut quickly. I was left in the bathroom with nothing but a towel to walk back to my room with. After waiting for a few beats in the hopes my roommate would either leave the kitchen or go back outside, I threw open the bathroom door, jumped into my room, and locked my bedroom door. Nobody saw me! Ha ha, I win!

Danny was sitting on the bed. "So I guess this is then end then," he said in his deadpan voice.

"Oh, no," I smiled. "We're not finished."

After promises from both of us not to make too much noise, we staked up some pillows and I laid on my back. He came up behind me, smiled, and asked if I was for sure ready. I nodded, smiled, and he entered me.

For being so huge, he didn't feel insanely painful. Thankfully the painful part was the dildo a few minutes before, and all I felt was pleasure now. It was amazing, him pumping away while standing, then climbing on the bed to nail me harder. He moved in closer, and our bodies were completely connected, my cock gliding across his stomach, his pressing farther and farther into me.

I have no idea how long we were like that. Finally, I came, blowing the biggest load I've ever produced across my chest. He pulled out, whipped of the condom, and laid down beside me. He jerked himself off, finally cumming on his stomach and my face. We snuggled very briefly after, then started getting dressed.

I was headed out too, so I offered to walk out with him. As we left my room, I realized that not only was my roommate here, but my roommate's mother as well. Since I don't really have anything to do with them, I simply said hi, grabbed my shoes, and we headed out the door.

"Do you think they heard?" Danny asked. "They would have been smiling or something," he went on.

I was certain they hadn't, not only because they're two of the most self-absorbed people I know, but because we were sneaky and quiet and awesome.

Once we were alone, it was time for more awkward conversation. We had both talked on msn for days before hooking up, and both of us are looking for a fuck-buddy, someone to actually maybe hang out with, but also to have fun with between the sheets. I wanted to let him know I was interested in pursuing that, after the amazing sex I'd just had.

"So, will there be a repeat performance?"

"Yeah, sure, it was good. Um, maybe in 2 weeks?"

"Oh. Ok, yeah when you're free."

"Well, I'm busy, I mean I go out sometimes, I work, have class. You know."

"Sure."

*walk down road*

"So, um, I don't mean this in a dating sense, but if you wanted to grab some food sometime, or see a movie, not as a date, but you know, to hang out, I'd like that."

"Oh, um, yeah. You're a good guy."

We parted ways at the end of my street. I wasn't expecting or wanting a kiss or hug, or much of anything other than a smile and a see-you-later, but he looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder. I smiled, I don't remember what he did. Then we walked our separate ways.

I have readers...

Wow. I just got an e-mail from a reader. I'm so blown away! How cool is that...(yes, I'm a novice blogger, I'm easily entertained.) I'm glad that someone's reading other than me. I posted a comment in both Micifus Phil's and Matt's Debreifing The Boys blogs, mostly to comment, but with the vain hope that someone would link over to my blog, and apparently it worked!

I have so much to talk about but no time to type it right now...so I thought I'd give you a little story. Why is my blog called 'Frozen Underwear'? Well, other than an attempt at being clever, I was using a couple of images I thought were fitting. First, frozen, because I'm from Toronto, a place which many believe is a barren tundra. So I wanted to poke fun at the stereotype. Secondly, frozen underwear, representing my inability to deal with my sexuality, as well as my supreme lack of sex.

Ok, so I may have finally done stuff with guys...but believe me, at times it feels like my underwear will be forever frozen again to my body.

I've even got a clever banner worked out to dress the blog up a little...but I suck at Photoshop and haven't tried to put it together yet. Any readers who are Photoshop experts?

Also, if you're reading, drop me a line! I really love getting e-mail, believe me, even if its just to say hi and where you're from.

So, you're bi...?

Last night just kept getting better and better for me.

After disasterous letdown coffee date, I came home and cruised CL for a bit. After a few minutes of careful consideration (read: 5 seconds of horniness) I posted.

Time passed, but within the hour I'd recieved about 4 messages. Sanity check: looks good. Pictures: one guy, not really doing it for me. So I started chatting with a guy near me, and an hour later I was headed to his place.

*Knock Knock*

"Oh hey," he says. He's actually cuter than his picture! Yes! Short-ish guy, kinda curly dark hair. "Give me a second," he says, and walks down the hall, sits infront of his PC and continues typing and e-mail. I pulled off my coat, kicked off my shoes...and stood in his living room. After a few beats, I decided to sit down.

"Where'd you go?" he called out, semi-panicked. Well, I got bored and since you're not all over me I thought I'd make myself comfortable, I thought to myself.

He finally came into the living room, and stood next to me, right in front of the couch. "So what are you, gay, bi?" he says, still standing. I pat the couch beside me, and he reluctantly sits down.

"Well, I'm bi," I said. "I hope that isn't a problem."

"No, I am too. So do you like do massages?" Who the hell does he think I am, a fucking hooker? But after a few seconds, I decided it would be fun to give a guy a sexy massage, complete with ass and ball groping. We walked into his bedroom, he stripped at lightening speed to his boxers, and laid on his stomache.

Well. Isn't this the sexy romp in bed I was hoping for. But not once did I give up hope.

I rubbed his back up and down, worked his shoulders, his arms, his legs...his ass. He had a really nice one, perfectly formed with just enough size that it wasn't boney. I did kinda get into the massage, occasionally letting my dick graze his inner thighs. After I'd given him all he was going to get, I curled up beside him, and moved in for a kiss.

I love kissing. Making out, holding each other...it just really gets me fired up. This guy, who responded as into kissing, j/o and oral, basically turned away when I moved in. I caught the lower part of his chin, rebounded, and again caught more chin. Another resignation, this time that I wasn't going to get to make out...fine.

I rolled him over, and started blowing him. He was getting into it, and after ten minutes asks, "So how long does it take you to cum? Because I want to be in bed by 11." I knew then I was screwed. "Oh, don't worry," I said as slyly as possible, "I won't take long." I kept going on him, and he started breathing heavily. I beat him hard, and he came all over his stomache. He sighed, satisfied, and grabbed his dick. I went up for a kiss, and he turned me away. "I don't kiss after someone blows me," he said. "It tastes like cock."

"Don't you like blowing guys?" I asked, alarmed.

"Oh sure, but I don't wanna taste my own."

I was relieved, and moved up towards him. "My turn," I said, leaning into him.

"Actually, I'm going to be a totaly guy here, and not get you off. I'm done."

I froze, kneeling on the bed. "What?"

"Oh, well you should have got me to blow you when I was still hard. But yeah, we're done."

I wimpered something pathetic about only taking a few minutes, but he was already getting dressed. Deflated, I pulled on my pants and followed him to the door. Once I had my coat and shoes on, he stood in front of me, looking very sexy in pajama bottoms and no shirt. He made a half-hearted hugging motion, which I reciprocated.

"We should do that again sometime," he said, opening the door for me.

"Well, you've got my email," I replied, as he shut the door on me. I walked home, a disbelieving smirk on my face. About ever 10 steps, I would say to myself, 'That didn't just happen. He didn't just throw me out,' and shake my head. At least I know what it feels like to feel used.

All I have to say is, I'm bi, and I like guys. That guy needs a lesson on what being bi means. At least admit you're just a straight guy who likes head, and maybe next time the boy you pick up won't be so shocked for the rest of the evening.

Craigslist is your friend...?

Wow. I certainly wasn't expecting that.

I had posted on CL looking for a guy to go out to coffee with. I figured I should try and meet someone and chatting to someone gay/bi my age. I went out for a movie date instead with one guy, who was awkward and very not my type. We had a nice time, and he tried to come back to my place, but it wasn't happening. I'm not that desperate to get a boy in bed again.

Juan was my second coffee date. We had chatted online, and he seemed very sweet. He also sent me a nice picture of him on the beach, and I was taken instantly. "Yes!" I thought. "Cute boy who's a sweetheart, with his own place, and might be into me. Success!"

I showered, shaved, and tried to make myself presentable for him, because the way our conversation had ended, we were open to having more than just coffee. We met for coffee, and as soon as I looked at his face, I knew I was doomed. He was a changed man from the hot guy on the beach. I'll be honest, body size is a factor for me, as far as not being truely fat, but otherwise I don't mind guys who aren't twink slim. Its all about the face with me, and how cute you are. This boy was not cute.

Well, I wasn't going to run screaming, because we hadn't made the plan exclusively for sex, so I stayed and had coffee with him. Our conversation was a little limited, I think in part because I was taken offguard by the fact I wasn't going to get to have my fun with a cute boy after all. As the time drew to a close, he made some mention of moving on to a new place, or possibly just ending it then and there. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and quietly explained that this was probably as far as it was going, and I'd be fine with just exiting now. He was a little surprised, I think, because he went kinda quiet. But we shook hands as we parted, and he seemed to be better with it.

I kinda hated myself for being mean to someone like that. I'm not the one who does the rejecting usually, and it was an awkward experience. At the same time, I'm not going to do anything with someone I'm not into. When I got home, I kinda said to myself, "What a waste of my life!" But really, if you never try, you never get anything.

I wanted to jerk off since I had this pent up sex energy, so I went online, and stupidly hit a very sexy teen site. These boys were all super-twink-college types, slender and sexy as hell, holding each other and humping happily. I sighed heavily at that point. Where do you meet these cute guys? They're my age, yet they're having this amazingly sexy sex with equally sexy partners. I realize now that I'm maybe not as bad looking as I thought (if my coffee dates are any indication). But were do I meet these cute guys, who appear to be such sexual pros?

The pickup...

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I'm still here...

I haven't forgotten about the blog, or stopped writing for it, or done anything like that. I just had some crazy few days...erm...weeks?...which included actual sex. That story later today!

Steps in a direction...

Wow, has it been a busy past few days. Between parties, family dinners, New Years Eve, and so much more, I can't believe that the time has almost already passed, and I'll be headed back to school. I'm excited because I get to start a new semester, with a fresh outlook on life. This Christmas break has really given me a lot of time to myself to think, for better or worse, about my position in life. It really feels like I'm teetering on the edge of choosing who I'm going to be, which sounds so pretentious/cliched but describes my feelings.

I'll admit, last semester was not really too much fun. I moved into a disfunctional roommate situation, my group of 1st year friends all fell apart, then after dealing with that emotional baggage I sequestered myself for nearly a month (other than weekends) to actually meet the demands of my courses. Sounds fun, doesn't it? I felt like a hermit, I struggled with lonliness, grew really close to someone I thought I never would, I felt uncool, unpopular and unwelcome.

When I got home, and actually looked back on the last few months, I was pretty scared. I'm already 20, and I don't have the life I want. I want to have more casual friends. I want to have more (read: begin to have) sex. I want a lover who I can snuggle with on rainy days. I want to be 'out there' having fun, experiencing life and my youth to the fullest.

What I do right now, though it feels comfortable, scares me to death. I watch old movies on public television. I do all my homework. I only buy a little food because I cook only for me. I go to bed because I have to get up early. Essentially, I feel like I'm an old man. And I feel like I'm missing out on college life.

So now, when I go back to school, I want to have a totally positive attitude and outlook. I want to meet people, go places, enjoy frivilous youth, be stupid (or as stupid as I can be), and break out of my shell. Of course this all sounds great on paper, but I'm trying to committ to actually doing it. It just depresses/scares me to death to read other older bloggers stories and comments about how magical my college years should be. Best time of my life, most fun, least responsibility, most sex...it sure doesn't feel that way now.

Happy New Years to everyone.