Wow, I've really missed being able to write these last few days. I've also missed having more than 2 minutes alone other than being in the washroom...there's always someone with me.
Truth is, I shouldn't be complaining. I'm not nearly as social as I want to be normally, so all this socializing in theory is great. But it's feast or fammine...and I'm pretty much full of all the social time I can take for this week. I just want to spend some alone time with myself, and no, I don't necessarily mean jerking off (though I'm sure that'd be in there somewhere).
I can't wait to tell you all about my last few days...we did lots of stuff, including some 'shopping' at a certain type of toy store. So right now my floor is partially covered in porn magazines and sex toys...
What else did we do?.......
Stay tuned, I'll be back Thursday night with a full recap.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
The Visitors...
Saturday morning I got up and actually didn't feel bad about having relatively few plans. The first thing I did was get online to Ticketmaster, and prepare to buy my ticket to The Police concert in July. General Sale tickets went on sale at 10 a.m. and I wasn't going to miss going.
I love music, mostly anything not new. Right now I'm listening to CHFI's 'Sunday Morning Oldies', then I'll switch over to Q107's 'Pyschadelic Psunday'...basically I listen to old stuff of all genre's, with very few new artists on my radar. This is good, because I love the music with all my heart, but bad because none of my friends really do. I've got a few who like the classic rock stuff, The Doors, Zeppelin...but that's about it. So when it comes to concert time for me, I either get to sit at home and miss the concerts I want to see, or I go by myself.
It used to be weird going to shows alone. I mean, it's such a fun time when you go with people, drink and be merry, but the real reason I go to concerts is the music, not the festivities. I think I've only been to maybe 3-4 shows alone...otherwise I go with my Mom/Dad (how big of a loser am I?). But honestly, I tried to convince someone to go to Bonnie Raitt with me, but nobody wanted to go...everyone thinks she's 'soft rock' or something, but holy crap she played a mean show last year...I mean, that woman can play guitar!
So at 10 a.m. I hit refresh on my browser, selected 1 ticket, and hit 'find'. Thankfully I seemed to be on the first wave of buyers, because my wait was only 2 minutes. A ticket popped up, in a good-but-not-great seat, but it was the most I was willing to pay for the show, so I took it. Yay! I'm going to the Police! Now I just have to pray they keep it together long enough to play Toronto...
The rest of the morning was devoted to cleaning my room, organizing my laundry to do, and watching some CNN. Britney shaved her head, and honest to God CNN repeated it every 3 minutes the entire time I was watching. How stupid is that. Who cares!? The Anna-Nicole Smith thing deserved the coverage it got, because it's a sensational story. But Britney doesn't...she must be jealous of all the attention Anna had got...
At 1 I met Lisa outside my building, and we headed for the subway. Her best friend from the West Coast, Kyle, was coming for a visit this week, and we were picking him up at the airport. An hour's ride later, and we were standing in Terminal 3 at Pearson, scanning the arrival times.
Kyle finally came out of the doors, and Lisa went insane, jumping on top of him and screaming. It was really cute to see, they're best friends since High School and haven't seen each other since Christmas. After she tore herself off of him, he turned to me, hand outstretched. We shook, then I in mock super-excitment grabbed him in a hug. We laughed, and headed back to the bus stop.
Kyle is gay. He came out last year, and it was a little hard for Lisa to take at the time. They'd maybe-kinda-sorta been a thing at the end of High School, so she was a little let down that they weren't going to fall in love after school and live happily ever after. But it never affected their friendship, and they're closer than ever.
Kyle is also staying at my place. Lisa lives in a residence-style apartment complex that doesn't have big enough couches to crash on, so she asked me if I would mind if he slept here, and of course I don't. We then made some bad jokes about sleeping arrangements, which weren't exactly jokes...
We really hit it off yesterday, conversation came very easily and we'd already had the sex and sexuality talk within 3 hours of meeting. I was really sure we'd get along fine, since Lisa says we're a lot alike, but it was great to find out that we actually do.
I cooked us dinner (yes, I'm a good cook, and it's something I don't mind doing either) and we ended up going out for a few beers with a couple friends. Kyle was dying, I could tell, since he hadn't slept in pretty much 24 hours and had flown across the country, so I kept asking him if he was ok. Finally, he caved, and said he kinda wanted to leave. So we said our goodbyes and he and I left.
The Roommate was away last night, so I knew we would have the place entirely to ourselves. I grabbed us each a glass of water, and did a few things around the place...see earlier in the evening I could swear I caught him checking me out, more than once I would turn my head and find his eyes staring into mine. I didn't know how to take it, so I just smiled and gave him some eye action back.
So I had no expectations when we got back here...I'm not that insane, even if my life has actually been including sex lately. He asked where he'd be staying, and I said either the couch or in my bed. I immediately realized how that sounded, but I didn't explain that it would be a non-sexual stay in my bed (if he wanted)...the problem with the couch is that my Roommate is a bitch and will be up until 3 a.m. every night making dinner when Kyle is trying to sleep on the couch. I don't have enough floor space to blow up a matress for him...so the choices are either sleep on the couch and not sleep, or sleep in my bed.
Naturally, I didn't coherenlty expalin that last night, since I'd been drinking, and kinda hoping he'd make a move. So when I told him 'bed or couch' he immediately said couch. I pulled out a pillow, couple blankets, and laid them out for him. He came out of the bathroom, smiled at me, thanked me again for letting him stay, and moved over to the couch.
"Good night, Steve," he said, which sounded so formal and so odd to me. I smiled, and said goodnight.
I called Brian when I got into my room to say hi, and we chatted for a few minutes. He asked what we were doing this weekend, and I told him probably brunch this afternoon. Brian was supposed to leave town on Monday, but now he's staying until Tuesday, so I keep thinking I won't be able to see him again until next week, and he keeps surprising me by being available. So I invited him (tentatively) to brunch today.
"Oh no, I don't want to make it awkward..." he said, but I know he really wants to go.
"It's fine, I want you to come."
"Yeah, I know, but..."
"Brian, they know. Don't worry about it. They're the small minority who do know. It's ok."
"Oh..." So we made the deal that I'll call him today if I'm still ok with him coming along.
I'm really excited about having someone stay over from another city, because we get to do the whole Touristy-Toronto stuff that people who live here don't generally do. Sadly I won't be free to post as much as I'd like to, so bear with me over this week. I'll try to take advantage of some time that I get to update you on the week. Plus I really need to vent about what the hell I want right now...I have a few very interesting cases in point that I can't wait to compare.
Have a good Sunday, grab a coffee and enjoy the sun.
I love music, mostly anything not new. Right now I'm listening to CHFI's 'Sunday Morning Oldies', then I'll switch over to Q107's 'Pyschadelic Psunday'...basically I listen to old stuff of all genre's, with very few new artists on my radar. This is good, because I love the music with all my heart, but bad because none of my friends really do. I've got a few who like the classic rock stuff, The Doors, Zeppelin...but that's about it. So when it comes to concert time for me, I either get to sit at home and miss the concerts I want to see, or I go by myself.
It used to be weird going to shows alone. I mean, it's such a fun time when you go with people, drink and be merry, but the real reason I go to concerts is the music, not the festivities. I think I've only been to maybe 3-4 shows alone...otherwise I go with my Mom/Dad (how big of a loser am I?). But honestly, I tried to convince someone to go to Bonnie Raitt with me, but nobody wanted to go...everyone thinks she's 'soft rock' or something, but holy crap she played a mean show last year...I mean, that woman can play guitar!
So at 10 a.m. I hit refresh on my browser, selected 1 ticket, and hit 'find'. Thankfully I seemed to be on the first wave of buyers, because my wait was only 2 minutes. A ticket popped up, in a good-but-not-great seat, but it was the most I was willing to pay for the show, so I took it. Yay! I'm going to the Police! Now I just have to pray they keep it together long enough to play Toronto...
The rest of the morning was devoted to cleaning my room, organizing my laundry to do, and watching some CNN. Britney shaved her head, and honest to God CNN repeated it every 3 minutes the entire time I was watching. How stupid is that. Who cares!? The Anna-Nicole Smith thing deserved the coverage it got, because it's a sensational story. But Britney doesn't...she must be jealous of all the attention Anna had got...
At 1 I met Lisa outside my building, and we headed for the subway. Her best friend from the West Coast, Kyle, was coming for a visit this week, and we were picking him up at the airport. An hour's ride later, and we were standing in Terminal 3 at Pearson, scanning the arrival times.
Kyle finally came out of the doors, and Lisa went insane, jumping on top of him and screaming. It was really cute to see, they're best friends since High School and haven't seen each other since Christmas. After she tore herself off of him, he turned to me, hand outstretched. We shook, then I in mock super-excitment grabbed him in a hug. We laughed, and headed back to the bus stop.
Kyle is gay. He came out last year, and it was a little hard for Lisa to take at the time. They'd maybe-kinda-sorta been a thing at the end of High School, so she was a little let down that they weren't going to fall in love after school and live happily ever after. But it never affected their friendship, and they're closer than ever.
Kyle is also staying at my place. Lisa lives in a residence-style apartment complex that doesn't have big enough couches to crash on, so she asked me if I would mind if he slept here, and of course I don't. We then made some bad jokes about sleeping arrangements, which weren't exactly jokes...
We really hit it off yesterday, conversation came very easily and we'd already had the sex and sexuality talk within 3 hours of meeting. I was really sure we'd get along fine, since Lisa says we're a lot alike, but it was great to find out that we actually do.
I cooked us dinner (yes, I'm a good cook, and it's something I don't mind doing either) and we ended up going out for a few beers with a couple friends. Kyle was dying, I could tell, since he hadn't slept in pretty much 24 hours and had flown across the country, so I kept asking him if he was ok. Finally, he caved, and said he kinda wanted to leave. So we said our goodbyes and he and I left.
The Roommate was away last night, so I knew we would have the place entirely to ourselves. I grabbed us each a glass of water, and did a few things around the place...see earlier in the evening I could swear I caught him checking me out, more than once I would turn my head and find his eyes staring into mine. I didn't know how to take it, so I just smiled and gave him some eye action back.
So I had no expectations when we got back here...I'm not that insane, even if my life has actually been including sex lately. He asked where he'd be staying, and I said either the couch or in my bed. I immediately realized how that sounded, but I didn't explain that it would be a non-sexual stay in my bed (if he wanted)...the problem with the couch is that my Roommate is a bitch and will be up until 3 a.m. every night making dinner when Kyle is trying to sleep on the couch. I don't have enough floor space to blow up a matress for him...so the choices are either sleep on the couch and not sleep, or sleep in my bed.
Naturally, I didn't coherenlty expalin that last night, since I'd been drinking, and kinda hoping he'd make a move. So when I told him 'bed or couch' he immediately said couch. I pulled out a pillow, couple blankets, and laid them out for him. He came out of the bathroom, smiled at me, thanked me again for letting him stay, and moved over to the couch.
"Good night, Steve," he said, which sounded so formal and so odd to me. I smiled, and said goodnight.
I called Brian when I got into my room to say hi, and we chatted for a few minutes. He asked what we were doing this weekend, and I told him probably brunch this afternoon. Brian was supposed to leave town on Monday, but now he's staying until Tuesday, so I keep thinking I won't be able to see him again until next week, and he keeps surprising me by being available. So I invited him (tentatively) to brunch today.
"Oh no, I don't want to make it awkward..." he said, but I know he really wants to go.
"It's fine, I want you to come."
"Yeah, I know, but..."
"Brian, they know. Don't worry about it. They're the small minority who do know. It's ok."
"Oh..." So we made the deal that I'll call him today if I'm still ok with him coming along.
I'm really excited about having someone stay over from another city, because we get to do the whole Touristy-Toronto stuff that people who live here don't generally do. Sadly I won't be free to post as much as I'd like to, so bear with me over this week. I'll try to take advantage of some time that I get to update you on the week. Plus I really need to vent about what the hell I want right now...I have a few very interesting cases in point that I can't wait to compare.
Have a good Sunday, grab a coffee and enjoy the sun.
Lord, grant me sleep (part 3)...
I woke up a little early on Friday morning, feeling a little guilty about being in Brian's bed for the second night in a row, and feeling more than a little tired. I usually get my 8 hours every night, and I can function fine if I miss them for a night...but two nights in a row was a little tough to swing.
As I laid there, I though about everything that'd happened in the past few days. It had been probably the most amazing relationship-type experience I've ever had...we'd gone out, gotten to know each other, spent a Valentines Day together...on one hand, it's great. On the other, things were moving pretty fast, and I don't even know what type of relationship I want. Hell, I don't even know if I like him enough to be with him in a relationship...
The truth is, I don't really know what I want. I decided that I can never allow myself to just be happy, I have to overanalyze everything, worry about things...I even did some worrying in a fung-shuei themed panic; I wish I'd have gone out with my friends this week, but I was acutally finally having the opportunity to be with someone...therefore my energy is never balanced, or some such crap.
There is more to come on the 'what I want' theme, but it's a story I'm saving for the next post.
I dozed off again, and woke up at 10. Brian rolled over, rolled me on top of him, and proceeded to make out with me for a chunk of time. He shifted me forward, my cock pointing directly into his face, and I sat straight upright as he sucked me. He has no blinds, so there I was for anyone to see, and as I glanced out the window I realized other units in his building could probably see in if they were looking...which was kinda hot but kinda not.
I slid back down on top of him, and we proceeded to do some dry humping. He fingered me slowly, then lined himself up rubbing my ass...it was hot. I rolled off of him, and in passing felt my crack, which had become wet with precum. He flipped over, and I slowly rubbed myself around his ass, and finally got some moans out of him.
This has been the first time that I'd wanted to wait to have anal sex. I mean, I like it, and I like him...but I didn't want to with him at that moment. It felt almost too fast, and quite honestly I don't know where he stands on sex issues. He said he doesn't hook up, but then he was fine with being with me, but then he was hesitant at first. So I don't really want to rush him, or put a stress on 'we must have anal sex', because it's something that can wait.
Finally I got dressed, and had terrible bed-head. I didn't bother to shower since I was now running late, so I asked him for some help. He laughed at me, running his fingers through my hair, and told me there wasn't much he can do.
"Oh, but here, take a hat," he said, pulling out a green hat, a touque-esque thing with a rim on it. I've never worn one of these before, and started to protest, but he pulled it on my head, adjusting the bill so it stuck out on 'the angle', and pulled some hair down onto my forhead. I immediately felt goofy, because I have no sense of how I look or how to style myself in these 'hip/cool' clothes. But he said it looked cute (which I can't trust, because everything looks cute on me to him so far), so I got a quick kiss and headed out the door.
In the elevator, I checked myself out. I did indeed, after getting over the initial shock of seeing myself in said hat, look pretty good.
Class and my meeting with a prof went well, and I realized I'd spent a half out feeling stressed that moring for nothing. After it was over, I called Lisa, because I needed an update on her Valentines night. We headed for lunch, which took about 2 hours, and involved both of us getting kinda drunk in celebration of our success in the dating world. It was actually really fun.
While we were at lunch, Jack texted me. He's one of the other dates I'd lined up for the week, but who hadn't been available until now. He agreed to meet for coffee at 4, and said he was free all day but had to be home early for work the next morning.
Lisa then asked the inevitable. "I'm really happy that you're doing the dating thing, but how are you going to choose?"
I looked at her. This was another thing nagging me...Brian and I were already a few steps ahead of the other guys, but its not like it's anything serious yet. So the way it's going to work for now is I go on my dates with the other 2 guys (possibly 3 depending on how Rez-Guy goes), and if it goes well go on a few more and see which I like the most. I doubt I can do the multiple boyfriend thing, and I wouldn't want to, so at some point I'm going to have to choose. But that's a little in the future.
At 4 I met up with Jack, who gave me a semi the moment I saw him. He's tall and slender, with well defined features and a certain 'air' around him. As we talked, I found out he's also sweet, kind, very intelligent and passionate about politics, like me. This was all good. He works a pretty crazy job where he's never actually in town, and never spends his vacation time here, so I don't really know how things would work out between us...but that's something to worry about in the future.
It was a fun conversation that lasted until after 6, when he suggested that he needed to go shopping for a swimsuit for his vacation next week. I figured he wouldn't want me along...or he would want to show off in front of me. So we went shopping, finally winding up in lululemmon athletic wear. He grabbed 2 board shorts, and headed to the changeroom. He stepped out first in the green pair (sadly still wearing his shirt...but who would take their shirt off to try on a pair of shorts?) and walked over to me and the mirror. He looked himself up and down, turned around, and pulled them tight across his ass.
"How do they look?" he said, motioning to his ass. They showed his very nice ass just fine, and they looked nice on him. I said so, and he tried on the second pair with the same method. These ones were brown, and looked as nice as the green ones. His ass again looked very nice in them, and that seemed to be the biggest concern for him. He hesitated, since he "doesn't wear green," but ended up buying the green pair.
He walked me to the subway, and stopped. "So what is the custom here, do we shake hands or hug?.." I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. We pulled away, and he stepped a few feet from me, saying that he would be away for a few days but might be back early in the week before he's gone on vacation, and I've got his number, and his e-mail, and to stay in touch to see if he's free. Then he gave me the look.
I'd been scared that he wasn't really interested, because he didn't seem to be making any passes at me, but there, standing on the platform, he gave me the piercing glance that I was afraid wasn't coming. I scampered home all excited and really, really tired.
Friday evening I was invited to a house party from friends at school, and was planning on going, but when I got in the door, I couldn't build up enough strength to go back out again. I really should have, because I never get invited to house parties, but I was dead exhausted. That, and the fact that I didn't really know anybody who was going...which shouldn't stop me and I felt immediately guilty about even thinking...
So I stayed in, ate some Thai food, and chatted to some friends online, and finally collapsed into bed.
As I laid there, I though about everything that'd happened in the past few days. It had been probably the most amazing relationship-type experience I've ever had...we'd gone out, gotten to know each other, spent a Valentines Day together...on one hand, it's great. On the other, things were moving pretty fast, and I don't even know what type of relationship I want. Hell, I don't even know if I like him enough to be with him in a relationship...
The truth is, I don't really know what I want. I decided that I can never allow myself to just be happy, I have to overanalyze everything, worry about things...I even did some worrying in a fung-shuei themed panic; I wish I'd have gone out with my friends this week, but I was acutally finally having the opportunity to be with someone...therefore my energy is never balanced, or some such crap.
There is more to come on the 'what I want' theme, but it's a story I'm saving for the next post.
I dozed off again, and woke up at 10. Brian rolled over, rolled me on top of him, and proceeded to make out with me for a chunk of time. He shifted me forward, my cock pointing directly into his face, and I sat straight upright as he sucked me. He has no blinds, so there I was for anyone to see, and as I glanced out the window I realized other units in his building could probably see in if they were looking...which was kinda hot but kinda not.
I slid back down on top of him, and we proceeded to do some dry humping. He fingered me slowly, then lined himself up rubbing my ass...it was hot. I rolled off of him, and in passing felt my crack, which had become wet with precum. He flipped over, and I slowly rubbed myself around his ass, and finally got some moans out of him.
This has been the first time that I'd wanted to wait to have anal sex. I mean, I like it, and I like him...but I didn't want to with him at that moment. It felt almost too fast, and quite honestly I don't know where he stands on sex issues. He said he doesn't hook up, but then he was fine with being with me, but then he was hesitant at first. So I don't really want to rush him, or put a stress on 'we must have anal sex', because it's something that can wait.
Finally I got dressed, and had terrible bed-head. I didn't bother to shower since I was now running late, so I asked him for some help. He laughed at me, running his fingers through my hair, and told me there wasn't much he can do.
"Oh, but here, take a hat," he said, pulling out a green hat, a touque-esque thing with a rim on it. I've never worn one of these before, and started to protest, but he pulled it on my head, adjusting the bill so it stuck out on 'the angle', and pulled some hair down onto my forhead. I immediately felt goofy, because I have no sense of how I look or how to style myself in these 'hip/cool' clothes. But he said it looked cute (which I can't trust, because everything looks cute on me to him so far), so I got a quick kiss and headed out the door.
In the elevator, I checked myself out. I did indeed, after getting over the initial shock of seeing myself in said hat, look pretty good.
Class and my meeting with a prof went well, and I realized I'd spent a half out feeling stressed that moring for nothing. After it was over, I called Lisa, because I needed an update on her Valentines night. We headed for lunch, which took about 2 hours, and involved both of us getting kinda drunk in celebration of our success in the dating world. It was actually really fun.
While we were at lunch, Jack texted me. He's one of the other dates I'd lined up for the week, but who hadn't been available until now. He agreed to meet for coffee at 4, and said he was free all day but had to be home early for work the next morning.
Lisa then asked the inevitable. "I'm really happy that you're doing the dating thing, but how are you going to choose?"
I looked at her. This was another thing nagging me...Brian and I were already a few steps ahead of the other guys, but its not like it's anything serious yet. So the way it's going to work for now is I go on my dates with the other 2 guys (possibly 3 depending on how Rez-Guy goes), and if it goes well go on a few more and see which I like the most. I doubt I can do the multiple boyfriend thing, and I wouldn't want to, so at some point I'm going to have to choose. But that's a little in the future.
At 4 I met up with Jack, who gave me a semi the moment I saw him. He's tall and slender, with well defined features and a certain 'air' around him. As we talked, I found out he's also sweet, kind, very intelligent and passionate about politics, like me. This was all good. He works a pretty crazy job where he's never actually in town, and never spends his vacation time here, so I don't really know how things would work out between us...but that's something to worry about in the future.
It was a fun conversation that lasted until after 6, when he suggested that he needed to go shopping for a swimsuit for his vacation next week. I figured he wouldn't want me along...or he would want to show off in front of me. So we went shopping, finally winding up in lululemmon athletic wear. He grabbed 2 board shorts, and headed to the changeroom. He stepped out first in the green pair (sadly still wearing his shirt...but who would take their shirt off to try on a pair of shorts?) and walked over to me and the mirror. He looked himself up and down, turned around, and pulled them tight across his ass.
"How do they look?" he said, motioning to his ass. They showed his very nice ass just fine, and they looked nice on him. I said so, and he tried on the second pair with the same method. These ones were brown, and looked as nice as the green ones. His ass again looked very nice in them, and that seemed to be the biggest concern for him. He hesitated, since he "doesn't wear green," but ended up buying the green pair.
He walked me to the subway, and stopped. "So what is the custom here, do we shake hands or hug?.." I reached out and wrapped my arms around him. We pulled away, and he stepped a few feet from me, saying that he would be away for a few days but might be back early in the week before he's gone on vacation, and I've got his number, and his e-mail, and to stay in touch to see if he's free. Then he gave me the look.
I'd been scared that he wasn't really interested, because he didn't seem to be making any passes at me, but there, standing on the platform, he gave me the piercing glance that I was afraid wasn't coming. I scampered home all excited and really, really tired.
Friday evening I was invited to a house party from friends at school, and was planning on going, but when I got in the door, I couldn't build up enough strength to go back out again. I really should have, because I never get invited to house parties, but I was dead exhausted. That, and the fact that I didn't really know anybody who was going...which shouldn't stop me and I felt immediately guilty about even thinking...
So I stayed in, ate some Thai food, and chatted to some friends online, and finally collapsed into bed.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Lord, grant me sleep (part 2)...
We woke up Thursday morning pressed against each other. Laying there, the sun coming through his shadeless windows, we snuggled, talked, made out...literally continued our evening into the morning. Finally, I suggested a shower.
Standing under the steaming hot water, we rubbed each other down, washed our hair, and did some more fooling around. He pulled out some vanilla-scented wash, and lathered me up all over. It smelled great, and I turned around to clean him up.
"You don't have to," he said. It's really nice to be selflessly pleausered, but I always feel guilty when someone does something for you that you can easily, and willingly, do for them. So I smiled, and shook my head, and started massaging the body wash in.
We toweled off, and actually got dressed. Both of us had class...but we decided not to go. Hell, I was having too much fun, and I never get to do this stuff! I asked if he wanted to go to breakfast/lunch, and he agreed.
Brian lives in the west side of the city, and about an hour's walk from the core. We walked along side by side, smiling stupidly at each other, the hot sun warming us against the chilly wind. After walking by about a million resturants that I would have loved to eat at (but didn't say so), he suggested walking a little further, to try a place he'd had his eye on. So we kept walking.
Finally we arrived in the area of the resturant, but he couldn't find it. It had a green sign, he said, but damned if we could see it. So we ketp walking, finally reaching our alternate choice at about 2 p.m.
Lunch went by so fast, even though we were there for over an hour. We chatted and laughed and did more smiling at each other. I'm sure we were a vomit-enducing scene, but our very gay waiter didn't give us any funny looks, so we must have been ok.
It was time to go our seperate ways. We hugged breifly on the street, and I immediately felt bad leaving him. He went one way, I went the other...I got home and tried to catch myself up on what had happened since about noon on Wednesday. I could barely keep my eyes open...so I did something I never do. I slid into bed, set my alarm for an hour, and had a nap.
I jolted awake at 6:30 feeling worse than I had when I went to sleep. My mother was in town and we'd made dinner plans, and even though I was exhausted, I headed out to meet her for 7. I grabbed a pint while I waited for her to show up, which she did, about 10 mintues late. We ate, and I was pretty quiet at first. I mean, I would have loved to tell her about my Valentines Day and this guy I'm kinda seeing...but it really wasn't the time or place to come out.
At 8 I was on my second pint and missing Brian. Mom went to the washroom, and I did what I told myself I wouldn't do; I texted him wondering if he was free.
"Why can't I see you on the weekend?" was his response. I felt a little let down, but since we'd just spent a huge chunk of time together, I could understand.
2 seconds later, another text comes. "But you're more than welcome to come here."
Dinner drew to a close, my Mom dropped me off at my place, and I turned around and headed back out. A rough hour later I was in his lobby, then in his room, then on his couch...
At about 12:30, I was getting worried. I had to get the hell going if I wanted to make the last bus. In truth I just wanted to spend the night, but I didn't know how to bring it up. I mentioned about how late it was, and he told me simply that I could stay, he wanted me to. So we hit his bed, which is totally comfortable and bigger than mine. We didn't stay up all night again, mostly because I was falling asleep while we were getting off.
So is this what you do with a guy you're dating?...
Standing under the steaming hot water, we rubbed each other down, washed our hair, and did some more fooling around. He pulled out some vanilla-scented wash, and lathered me up all over. It smelled great, and I turned around to clean him up.
"You don't have to," he said. It's really nice to be selflessly pleausered, but I always feel guilty when someone does something for you that you can easily, and willingly, do for them. So I smiled, and shook my head, and started massaging the body wash in.
We toweled off, and actually got dressed. Both of us had class...but we decided not to go. Hell, I was having too much fun, and I never get to do this stuff! I asked if he wanted to go to breakfast/lunch, and he agreed.
Brian lives in the west side of the city, and about an hour's walk from the core. We walked along side by side, smiling stupidly at each other, the hot sun warming us against the chilly wind. After walking by about a million resturants that I would have loved to eat at (but didn't say so), he suggested walking a little further, to try a place he'd had his eye on. So we kept walking.
Finally we arrived in the area of the resturant, but he couldn't find it. It had a green sign, he said, but damned if we could see it. So we ketp walking, finally reaching our alternate choice at about 2 p.m.
Lunch went by so fast, even though we were there for over an hour. We chatted and laughed and did more smiling at each other. I'm sure we were a vomit-enducing scene, but our very gay waiter didn't give us any funny looks, so we must have been ok.
It was time to go our seperate ways. We hugged breifly on the street, and I immediately felt bad leaving him. He went one way, I went the other...I got home and tried to catch myself up on what had happened since about noon on Wednesday. I could barely keep my eyes open...so I did something I never do. I slid into bed, set my alarm for an hour, and had a nap.
I jolted awake at 6:30 feeling worse than I had when I went to sleep. My mother was in town and we'd made dinner plans, and even though I was exhausted, I headed out to meet her for 7. I grabbed a pint while I waited for her to show up, which she did, about 10 mintues late. We ate, and I was pretty quiet at first. I mean, I would have loved to tell her about my Valentines Day and this guy I'm kinda seeing...but it really wasn't the time or place to come out.
At 8 I was on my second pint and missing Brian. Mom went to the washroom, and I did what I told myself I wouldn't do; I texted him wondering if he was free.
"Why can't I see you on the weekend?" was his response. I felt a little let down, but since we'd just spent a huge chunk of time together, I could understand.
2 seconds later, another text comes. "But you're more than welcome to come here."
Dinner drew to a close, my Mom dropped me off at my place, and I turned around and headed back out. A rough hour later I was in his lobby, then in his room, then on his couch...
At about 12:30, I was getting worried. I had to get the hell going if I wanted to make the last bus. In truth I just wanted to spend the night, but I didn't know how to bring it up. I mentioned about how late it was, and he told me simply that I could stay, he wanted me to. So we hit his bed, which is totally comfortable and bigger than mine. We didn't stay up all night again, mostly because I was falling asleep while we were getting off.
So is this what you do with a guy you're dating?...
Friday, February 16, 2007
Lord, grant me sleep (part 1)...
Well, I've had a great past couple of days. It all went back to Valentines...
I got off the bus way too early, successfully missing my stop and having to walk for what felt like hours in the cold to get to Brian's place. Finally I walked up to the bus shelter where he was waiting for me, and had been for a bit of time. He didn't seem to mind all that much, and we took off for his place.
His apartment, like that of so many students, was semi-dirty, slightly delapidated, and painted multiple, ugly colours. It turned out that Brian had made up a bunch of food for us, and we stood awkwardly in his kitchen as we 'cooked' the frozen pizza and other stuff. I met his roommate Ryan, whom I'll talk about later...I felt a little uncomfortable, since I was on a date, on Valentines, with a boy who goes to my school, and a roommate who does too.
I'd resolved on my way over that, if things turned out like I was expecting them to, I would stop and tell Brian I'm a closeted bisexual and not an out gay guy. We'd never talked about it before...and I didn't want to go to bed with him not telling him the truth. Even though I was terrified about being thrown out...I couldn't live with myself, considering this wasn't some guy who I picked up for sex, this was a guy I've been out on dates with, who might turn into something more.
As the food cooked, I pulled out a heart-shaped box of Lindt chocolates I'd bought for him. He seemed really happy that I'd gotten him something, and he presented me with a card and a box. I opened the card first (because I'm so damn polite) and read it to myself. Underneath the card's contents he'd written:
"I hope you have a great V-Day...stuck with me. =)"
Ahh, self-depricating humour. How I love thee.
Inside the box was a bag of cinnamon hearts, and two 'novelty dice' with some pretty boring yet somehow explicit instructions. Ah ha, you wouldn't be giving these to someone unless you inteded to use them, right?
We ate and watched Sex and the City. After we finished eating we snuggled up, his hand playfully rubbing me in all sorts of places. Then we kissed for the first time. It was really all romantic-like, very much a vomit-enducing scene I'm sure, but hell, I was having the best Valentines day of my life. I got to spend it with someone who I liked, and who had a thing for me.
As the credits rolled on another episode of Sex, I pulled away from his lips and looked down at the floor. I've gotta get better control over myself in these situations...I felt nautious and lightheaded as I tried to form the words.
"There's something I've got to tell you. I'm not out. Just to a few people, and I'm in the process, but I'm not out."
I paused while I waited for the axe to fall.
"Thats ok."
"There's more...I'm actually not gay. I'm bisexual. I hope thats all ok with you..."
"Yeah, I don't care."
What!? He doesn't care?
"Just, I've found that guys usually hate closeted guys, or closeted bisexuals...and..."
"No. It's fine."
Stunned at the fact I didn't have to plead out my case to him, and that I wasn't being escorted from his couch, I moved in for another kiss. Time went by, and somewhere along the line my shirt came off. But when I moved to pull his over his head, he stopped me. After muttering a few things, he resumed kissing me.
Great, now what do I do? I'm sitting here, no shirt on, making out with a guy who refuses to take off his. Do I put mine back on? Do I sit here? Am I being too upfront?...I opted to sit there with no shirt on until I had more information.
We cracked a bottle of wine and dug into some iced cream as we watched another episode. Time seemed to fly by, but stand still as we snuggled and groped on the couch, now fuled by wine (and iced cream, the ultimate aphrodesiac). Finally, we stood up and moved to his bed. Laying there, we lost our clothes, and held each other's newly exposed naked body. He rolled me on top of him, grabbing my cock in the process, and started beating me off. He was surprisingly agressive, but changed his speed constantly. After several position shifts, he leaned his head down my stomach and started going down on me.
This was a surprising turn, considering the fact that a while ago he didn't want to get naked. But now he seemed fully into it, his head bobbing around with abandon. I was pretty impressed with the job he was doing, and pretty soon I was blowing a really big load across my abs and chest. Naturally I started to return the favor, but he stopped me halfway through.
"I cum really easily," he said sheepishly, adding "but I can usually go 5 or 6 times a night." Ahh, quantity, but would it be over quality?
After we were both finished and collapsed into each others arms, we resumed talking. He told me about his past relationships, and how he didn't like to just hook up and have sex with anyone. He only wanted to sleep with someone he knew and liked, not just met an hour ago. I was flattered, and a little scared. Had I pushed myself on him? Did I pressure him into bed with me?
But he looked into my eyes, and in this crazy way he has, made me smile. I asked if everything was all right, and he confirmed that he'd wanted to, it was all fine. He put on the radio to our local jazz station, lit up a few candles, and we laid back and snuggled.
Honestly, I don't remember how many times we got off that night, but it'd be safe to say several. We finally passed out at about 4, but it wasn't long before he'd rolled me over and we were at it again...but I don't usually keep those kinds of hours.
It was the most amazing evening. I got to experience a relationship with a guy from the very start, the first date flirting, and the eventual comfort that takes hold when sitting on the couch, making out and watching TV. I can't believe how amazing it feels to be wanted by someone else, and have it so plainly evident. The flattery hasn't gone to my head, but all of this, and on my typical 'lonely Valentines Day' was a lot to take in.
I got off the bus way too early, successfully missing my stop and having to walk for what felt like hours in the cold to get to Brian's place. Finally I walked up to the bus shelter where he was waiting for me, and had been for a bit of time. He didn't seem to mind all that much, and we took off for his place.
His apartment, like that of so many students, was semi-dirty, slightly delapidated, and painted multiple, ugly colours. It turned out that Brian had made up a bunch of food for us, and we stood awkwardly in his kitchen as we 'cooked' the frozen pizza and other stuff. I met his roommate Ryan, whom I'll talk about later...I felt a little uncomfortable, since I was on a date, on Valentines, with a boy who goes to my school, and a roommate who does too.
I'd resolved on my way over that, if things turned out like I was expecting them to, I would stop and tell Brian I'm a closeted bisexual and not an out gay guy. We'd never talked about it before...and I didn't want to go to bed with him not telling him the truth. Even though I was terrified about being thrown out...I couldn't live with myself, considering this wasn't some guy who I picked up for sex, this was a guy I've been out on dates with, who might turn into something more.
As the food cooked, I pulled out a heart-shaped box of Lindt chocolates I'd bought for him. He seemed really happy that I'd gotten him something, and he presented me with a card and a box. I opened the card first (because I'm so damn polite) and read it to myself. Underneath the card's contents he'd written:
"I hope you have a great V-Day...stuck with me. =)"
Ahh, self-depricating humour. How I love thee.
Inside the box was a bag of cinnamon hearts, and two 'novelty dice' with some pretty boring yet somehow explicit instructions. Ah ha, you wouldn't be giving these to someone unless you inteded to use them, right?
We ate and watched Sex and the City. After we finished eating we snuggled up, his hand playfully rubbing me in all sorts of places. Then we kissed for the first time. It was really all romantic-like, very much a vomit-enducing scene I'm sure, but hell, I was having the best Valentines day of my life. I got to spend it with someone who I liked, and who had a thing for me.
As the credits rolled on another episode of Sex, I pulled away from his lips and looked down at the floor. I've gotta get better control over myself in these situations...I felt nautious and lightheaded as I tried to form the words.
"There's something I've got to tell you. I'm not out. Just to a few people, and I'm in the process, but I'm not out."
I paused while I waited for the axe to fall.
"Thats ok."
"There's more...I'm actually not gay. I'm bisexual. I hope thats all ok with you..."
"Yeah, I don't care."
What!? He doesn't care?
"Just, I've found that guys usually hate closeted guys, or closeted bisexuals...and..."
"No. It's fine."
Stunned at the fact I didn't have to plead out my case to him, and that I wasn't being escorted from his couch, I moved in for another kiss. Time went by, and somewhere along the line my shirt came off. But when I moved to pull his over his head, he stopped me. After muttering a few things, he resumed kissing me.
Great, now what do I do? I'm sitting here, no shirt on, making out with a guy who refuses to take off his. Do I put mine back on? Do I sit here? Am I being too upfront?...I opted to sit there with no shirt on until I had more information.
We cracked a bottle of wine and dug into some iced cream as we watched another episode. Time seemed to fly by, but stand still as we snuggled and groped on the couch, now fuled by wine (and iced cream, the ultimate aphrodesiac). Finally, we stood up and moved to his bed. Laying there, we lost our clothes, and held each other's newly exposed naked body. He rolled me on top of him, grabbing my cock in the process, and started beating me off. He was surprisingly agressive, but changed his speed constantly. After several position shifts, he leaned his head down my stomach and started going down on me.
This was a surprising turn, considering the fact that a while ago he didn't want to get naked. But now he seemed fully into it, his head bobbing around with abandon. I was pretty impressed with the job he was doing, and pretty soon I was blowing a really big load across my abs and chest. Naturally I started to return the favor, but he stopped me halfway through.
"I cum really easily," he said sheepishly, adding "but I can usually go 5 or 6 times a night." Ahh, quantity, but would it be over quality?
After we were both finished and collapsed into each others arms, we resumed talking. He told me about his past relationships, and how he didn't like to just hook up and have sex with anyone. He only wanted to sleep with someone he knew and liked, not just met an hour ago. I was flattered, and a little scared. Had I pushed myself on him? Did I pressure him into bed with me?
But he looked into my eyes, and in this crazy way he has, made me smile. I asked if everything was all right, and he confirmed that he'd wanted to, it was all fine. He put on the radio to our local jazz station, lit up a few candles, and we laid back and snuggled.
Honestly, I don't remember how many times we got off that night, but it'd be safe to say several. We finally passed out at about 4, but it wasn't long before he'd rolled me over and we were at it again...but I don't usually keep those kinds of hours.
It was the most amazing evening. I got to experience a relationship with a guy from the very start, the first date flirting, and the eventual comfort that takes hold when sitting on the couch, making out and watching TV. I can't believe how amazing it feels to be wanted by someone else, and have it so plainly evident. The flattery hasn't gone to my head, but all of this, and on my typical 'lonely Valentines Day' was a lot to take in.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Snap back to reality...
I swore up and down I wasn't going to post again today. I was going to worry about finishing school work, and getting ready for tonight. But this...this blows me away.
I jump on one of the 'dating' sites I belong to, and have 1 message. Look at it...hmm, this guy's cute, but strangely farmiliar. Look closer, at another picture...and holy shit it's the 'token gay guy' from my Residence floor last year.
Last year I always thought he was really cute, but never really got to know him. He was always out with his friends, and never seemed too interested in getting to know me. I clearly remember finding out he was gay at the beginning of last year, our mutual friend was hanging out in my room, and she said something about his 'boy back home'.
"Wait a minute, he's gay?" I said, surprised, and very excited at the prospect.
"Um, yeah, I kinda thought so, then he told me about his boyfriend..." she said. "Why, didn't you think he was gay?"
"Actually no, I like to think that straight guys can have a sense of style and class..."
So now what do I do? I mean, I've had a bit of an attraction to him since I lived with him. He's got the cutest smile. If I were out I'd say sure, this is my dream come true. But since I'm not, what will I do? We have all of 2 mutual friends, both of whom I don't really spend much time with. He'd tell them, wouldn't he? And would he still want me if he knew the guy he was messaging online was the guy who lived down the hall from him last year?
I mean this as a totally serious issue. I'm not just going to flippantly say "Oh sure, lets shag and please don't tell anybody." But I'm also not going to ignore his response, and miss out on an opportunity to actually be with someone who I've had my eye on for a while.
I need some advice super fast about what the hell I should do now. Holy shit, this world is small.
I jump on one of the 'dating' sites I belong to, and have 1 message. Look at it...hmm, this guy's cute, but strangely farmiliar. Look closer, at another picture...and holy shit it's the 'token gay guy' from my Residence floor last year.
Last year I always thought he was really cute, but never really got to know him. He was always out with his friends, and never seemed too interested in getting to know me. I clearly remember finding out he was gay at the beginning of last year, our mutual friend was hanging out in my room, and she said something about his 'boy back home'.
"Wait a minute, he's gay?" I said, surprised, and very excited at the prospect.
"Um, yeah, I kinda thought so, then he told me about his boyfriend..." she said. "Why, didn't you think he was gay?"
"Actually no, I like to think that straight guys can have a sense of style and class..."
So now what do I do? I mean, I've had a bit of an attraction to him since I lived with him. He's got the cutest smile. If I were out I'd say sure, this is my dream come true. But since I'm not, what will I do? We have all of 2 mutual friends, both of whom I don't really spend much time with. He'd tell them, wouldn't he? And would he still want me if he knew the guy he was messaging online was the guy who lived down the hall from him last year?
I mean this as a totally serious issue. I'm not just going to flippantly say "Oh sure, lets shag and please don't tell anybody." But I'm also not going to ignore his response, and miss out on an opportunity to actually be with someone who I've had my eye on for a while.
I need some advice super fast about what the hell I should do now. Holy shit, this world is small.
Ah, to be young and in love...
A very Happy Valentines Day to everyone!
I know that most people knock it because it's a fabricated holiday, with little actual meaning. If you don't show your partner you love them regularily, why bother being in a relationship?
But I disagree. For all those who shower their partner in attention and love every other day of the year, do it double time today. Make your partner and yourself feel extra special. Why not? It's not like it hurts anybody, and it's one day of the year where you're allowed to be totally, completely, undevidedly dedicated to your mate.
I'm going to have my first Valentines in my 20 years that I actually get to spend it with someone I'm even remotely interested. This will be an experience for me, something that I'm just so looking forward to having. I'm so into it that I actually texted 15 people this morning to say Happy Valentines, as if we were still in school handing out stupid 2" paper cards.
So for all you singles out there, I feel your pain. No matter how much you say you don't care, or how you loathe couples who are going to be making out on the street everywhere you go today, just remember some lyrics that I can't help but type today (because I'm in such a Valentines mood):
'When you think that love is only,
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember, in the winter,
Far beneath the bitter snow,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes,
The rose.'
I know that most people knock it because it's a fabricated holiday, with little actual meaning. If you don't show your partner you love them regularily, why bother being in a relationship?
But I disagree. For all those who shower their partner in attention and love every other day of the year, do it double time today. Make your partner and yourself feel extra special. Why not? It's not like it hurts anybody, and it's one day of the year where you're allowed to be totally, completely, undevidedly dedicated to your mate.
I'm going to have my first Valentines in my 20 years that I actually get to spend it with someone I'm even remotely interested. This will be an experience for me, something that I'm just so looking forward to having. I'm so into it that I actually texted 15 people this morning to say Happy Valentines, as if we were still in school handing out stupid 2" paper cards.
So for all you singles out there, I feel your pain. No matter how much you say you don't care, or how you loathe couples who are going to be making out on the street everywhere you go today, just remember some lyrics that I can't help but type today (because I'm in such a Valentines mood):
'When you think that love is only,
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember, in the winter,
Far beneath the bitter snow,
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes,
The rose.'
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