Resolutions and Reservations...

I hear this is the first day of classes for college students in the US.



So for all of you who've just moved into Rez, or are home from your first day of class, hats off to you! We're lucky here in Ontario, with most colleges not starting classes until a week into September.

And although it might look like I've moved back to Toronto...I haven't yet. My visit a little while ago was just that, a visit to drop off some things at my new place and pick up some things that had been on hold for far too long. So that means many things, including the fact that I have lots of time still on my hands before heading back to the new grind that will be school.

I'm excited (I think) to get back there, with people I haven't seen in ages, living on my own and maybe making some progress in my life. There are moments that I cannot wait to be gone from home, which are often filled with guilty after-thoughts because I'm by no means restricted while I'm under my parents roof. At the same time, I'm ready to move on and really embrace living on my own.

I'm also getting more and more nervous about going back. There's lots of positive things to look forward to, but also lots of questions about what'll happen this year. Really, it's stupid stuff that's mostly in my head. So I've been doing a New Year's style list of resolutions (and reservations).

Resolutions:
-Not visit home as much as I did, forcing myself to actually make plans on weekends, be they visiting friends in other cities or doing things with friends in Toronto
-Cook more for myself so as to follow better dietary guidelines
-Plan and execute a great Christmas party that people will actually remember
-Celebrate my birthday by actually doing something
-Expand my social circles to include some semi-regular activities with both new and old friends...bottom line, get out more
-When not getting out more, actually spend time doing nothing with other people
-Make some progress with the whole 'gay' thing
-Actually make gay friend(s) and enjoy gay social life
-Make attempts to date
-Be 'out'
-Experience the gay culture, including finally going to a gay club/bar
-Start some sort of part-time job to make spending money and attempt to become more a part of Toronto the city
-Pick up a new hobby that I've never had before, something that provides time away from home and enjoyment
-Become involved with something campus related, be it a school group or volunteer position within the university; if not:
-Take up a volunteer position somewhere in Toronto

Reservations (and general paranoia):
-My friends won't remember me (Steve who?), or will give me the cold shoulder because we haven't spoken in months
-The roommate thing will be a disaster (again)
-I'll wind up as unhappy and depressed about life as I did during the worst days of last semester
-My grades won't be as good as I want them to be, impacting my future grad school plans
-I'll wind up alone, as always, be that socially or romantically
-Somehow I'll screw up the gay thing and make no progress
-I won't follow through with any of my resolutions and wind up as bored as last year

So there you have it...from reading that, I'd say I'm really quite excited to go back to school, but have this nervous, overhanging cloud about the whole thing, with now concrete reasons (other than past experience). I want to say that I'm totally positive about going back, but that's really not the case. I want to be, but there's a nagging in the back of my mind.

Especially when it comes to my friends. At the end of last semester I was branching out, meeting new people and actually maintaining some fairly good social events with them. But that all came to a screeching halt this summer. Part of the blame goes on my shoulders, because I have done little to keep the lines of communication open. But the other half rests on the shoulders of my friends, who too have not gone the extra mile to keep in touch.

Whatever the case may be, I'll soon be in my new apartment and starting classes. My schedule is decent, with very full Mondays to Thursdays, but having Fridays off (which could be a mixed blessing).

At any rate, it should prove to be an interesting year...who knows, maybe I'll be spending some time in my old dorm with a new friend.