I just realized something about the last post and my over-arching gay situation.
It's the same thing.
I'm scared to go to the gym, because I don't know what to do there, or how to act, or the 'rules' and how things work. I don't have a friend in my life to be an introduction, to show me the ropes and help me make a smooth transition. I know where the gym is, but I don't know how to enter into that culture successfully.
I'm scared to go to gay bars, because I don't know what to do there, or how to act, or the 'rules' and how things work. I don't have a friend in my life to be an introduction, to show me the ropes and help me make a smooth transition. I know where the gay bar is, but I don't know how to enter into that culture successfully.
Totally different things, I know, but it's hitting me like a tonne of bricks. But it's the same sort of confusion, terror, dread and unknowing I feel when I think of either situation. And how cut off I feel from finding helping hands.
Food for thought...I guess this just means even though I'm really well rounded, there are a few 'scenes' in life that I have no clue about. I'm not built with the capacity to just throw myself into a totally new and foreign situation. I need to research and understand everything before I then walk through the door. I get my confidence from my intelligence, understanding and ability to problem solve and outthink.
I have no confidence in these few yet important parts of life because I know nothing about them. And what's over-riding my ability to just do it is my fear of rejection and failure in a situation I've already convinced myself I'm going to drown in.
Damn.
9 comments:
When you go to a bar, take someone with you who's been around the liquor cabinet, like an alcoholic.
Same thing goes with a gym: find someone who's been before to take you, then have a personal trainer (a few 'free' sessions are almost always included in any membership) show you what to do.
Interesting comparison... Although at least you can go to the gym for the first time by yourself without looking stupid.
Hey I feel the exact same way!
The only difference being that the town I'm in is too small to have a 'proper' gay bar. The only one I know of is considered to be really shady.
Dude...this semester I was the same exact way with both scenarios and now I am comfortable with both. You just really have to get your foot in the door and learn by immersion.
I think the gym is easier to get into tho. Like steven said, a personal trainer would help you out with all the equipment and make the transition easier but you really don't need that.
I just started going to the gym in Sept...and I just stuck to cardio (running/biking/etc). It gave me a chance to get comfortable in the building and also scope out the people using all the machines and equipment.
Eventually, after doing that for about a month...I got into my own routine and I learned how to use the equipment by watching others. It was easy.....now i go like 5x times a week.
The first time is always the scariest tho...but you can do it.
I'm the same with approaching people (not so much the gym, considering I'm just too lazy!), I just don't know how to do it. I had a relatively sheltered upbringing and schooling and never really experienced the whole 'coming-on-to-someone' thing. Now I'm 21 and I just can't get out there and do it.
I'm sure though that we only have to embarrass ourselves once then it'll be child's play.
Gym's are not like your "high-school gym". People pay to join, they are there for a reason. You don't even have to run on the tread mill. You can walk for half an hour to begin with.
Gay bars......take one of your girl friends.....you will both have something to talk about and the guys will wonder....hum do you think that's his g/f or what?
I agree on the alky thing. ;-)
But just do it! Just go for it. It's not as bad as it sounds, and nobody there will bite your head off.
You are 21 so you are only just old enough to go into any bars, so just do it. You go in, go to the bar, order a drink. Now you've done that, look around, drink your drink slowly so you don't do anything silly. Maybe just have one or two, look around casually. Watch the TV if you dont know where to look. If the bartender is nice tell him its your first time.
That's it. You do something. You learn something... Continue.....
I've been going to gay bars for years and still haven't figured out the rules!
Post a Comment