Pack away your worries...

I'm trying to firmly make a decision for the next month and a bit.

That decision is actually more like a UN declaration:

"...Though the case warrants further study, and by no way does this statement detract from it's importance, it must be resolved that, to fully engage and enjoy the Christmas holiday (hereafter referred to as the holiday), we, the undersigned, affirm that as little thought and worry shall be focused on the following situations: sex life, relationship status, gay community interaction, 'out' status, isolation and any homosexual-related hardships.

We realize that, as it is the holiday season, with the imminent return to rural environments, there is very little point to exuding much/any energy on problems that cannot be solved while in that geographic location.

There will me much time to ponder such situations during said holiday, but we must make every effort to devote as little time as possible to fruitless worry and dread, as it will interfere with the enjoyment of friends, family, turkey and snow. As seen in previous instances, case subject spends hours, even days, pondering his issues, sometimes at the expense of living 'in the moment'.

While it is unhealthy to truly block any thoughts, or to suppress them from all conscious thought, it is even more unhealthy to devote time better spent on other activities simply to revisit issues that cannot be resolved during said holiday.

As a result, the forthcoming holiday will be devoted to loving family and friends, drinking, eating, laughing, and lifting all spirits with lightheartedness and a carefree attitude. This will not be an 'act', rather, the re-embracement of the simplest pleasures in life.

Upon the end of the holiday, thoughts may turn back to the aforementioned issues, but it is the hope of this committee that such thoughts will be lessened and ultimately worked toward a path of resolution, so the carefree attitude may continue freely into the next calendar year.

Signed, the committee on the betterment of Steve's sexuality, personal life and integration."

If you remember, I started this blog on December 26, 2006. My head was in so many different places at that time, not many of them good. I was screaming silently inside my mind, frustrated to wits end, probably depressed, and all during Christmas. This year, I don't want it to be like that. The biggest question of my life thus far has been answered, and really, there is relatively little more important during Christmas than enjoying it with my family, reaffirming my spirituality and clearing my mind and body.

Sure, I've got my problems like usual. I wrote it out not too long ago, after finally realizing what really has me scratching my head at night. But nothing can be solved by another Christmas worrying over things that aren't as important as living in the moment, this moment, of December 2007.

Now, if I can just get through all these exams...