Hot/Cold...

In a semi-chic ballroom, in a semi-famous building, with a semi-famous radio host, a semi-out boy attended his first charity fashion show.

But not before he spend an hour and a half cuddling with his new boy-whatever.

It all started at lunch, in a crazy restaurant downtown. The noise almost drove us outside, but Danny wanted to stay. We tried to talk, and I found myself wondering what to say. We're not at the point when conversation can lull and I don't worry he's bored.

After eating, we went for a walk. The day was beautiful and warm, a relief compared to what we've felt recently. Now, if only we weren't in downtown Toronto, I'd have curled up on some grass with him and been quite content.

The walk ended up taking us back to my apartment, where we sat and baked on the balcony on our dilapidated swing. After a while we wound up kissing, then stood at the balcony's railing and looked down at the world around us. We headed inside and lay on my bed.

What was nice was the simplicity of it, just lying there, holding hands, his head on my chest. We both felt comfortable.

But at one moment, I looked into his eyes, and thought I saw trouble. There was a nagging expression that wouldn't go away.

"Whats up," I asked gently.

"Huh?"

"You've got a look. What's wrong."

"Nothing, nothings wrong."

"Ok, why the look then? You can tell me."

"Oh, its nothing...just...something that would make things awkward right now..."

I of course freaked out mildly internally, but stopped myself from showing too much. He never explained what was on his mind.

Later, he kept giving these little laughs. "What!" I asked playfully.

"It's just...I'm happy. You make me happy." I'm pretty sure part of me melted then and there.

As time dragged on, and I realized I needed to get to my show, we both refused to move. "Just two more minutes," he said sleepily, wrapping my hand in his and kissing it.

We rode the subway together until I had to change trains, and I promised to call him today and set up our Friday. I really, really didn't want to leave him.

The fashion show was more or less what I expected it to be. The cocktails and light foods were horrid, and no matter how many Cosmo's I threw back, I didn't feel buzzed. Considering it was their signature drink of the evening, they consisted of mostly cranberry juice and ice, with a thimble full of vodka in each.

I schmoozed less-than-exemplarily, but that was because the crowd was mostly looking to talk with their guests, not with each other. Finally, the show started, and it was very much as imagined, with models, asses swaying behind them, lunging down the stage. Most of the clothing was hideous, and none of it was men's, so I really took very little from the fashion itself.

Afterwards, we went for a late dinner and post-show conversation. I can definitely see myself doing these types of functions in my later years, when I'm connected and influential. At the moment, it was a good way to take my fashion show virginity.

Today I spent the afternoon daydreaming about Danny, waiting to call him. When I did, he didn't answer. Funny, I thought, but not a big deal. I texted him to call me.

Moments later, he did. (Was he ignoring my calls?) He seemed surprised to hear from me, until I mentioned we hadn't set a time for tomorrow's meeting. We agreed on 1, but he says now that he's busy in the evening, something he had mentioned before but I was unsure of. I'm a little jealous, because I was hoping to have the whole day with him.

My insecurities have shifted somewhat, but probably are all saying the same thing. Now that I understand he is interested in me, it's even more intimidating and worrisome. Who are those gay guys he's just added to his Facebook over the last few days? What is he doing Friday night that will cut our date short? Is he really interested in me, or was he just happy to hold someone for a while?

Tomorrow I plan on asking some careful questions, because I need to know where he's coming from. He seemed almost distant on the phone today, should he not have been moony and said he missed me, after telling me how much he didn't want to leave me just 24 hours before?

It feels like it's going in the right direction, but as we move forward, my insecurities always sneak along with me.