Separation anxiety...

I was doing quite fine with being back in Toronto.

Apparently, my parents were not. Last night my dad and I went to a concert together, Brad Paisley at the Molson Amphitheatre (see, I told you how diverse my taste is!). The show was really fun, and it was great to have some father-son time.

And what better way to enjoy father-son time than wind up crying, twice, while holding your dad's hand.

During one of the opening acts, Rodney Atkins, a particularity poignant song was played, "Be Like You". It's all about a father and a son, and how the son wants to essentially be like his father, sort of a my-dad's-the-best sentiment. I have always had trouble communicating with my dad, because of his emotional unavailability. It's not that he's not always laughing, or talking to me, or whatever...it's just that he cannot express that damn inconvenient 'love' emotion very well.

Well, the song gets well underway, and I throw my arm around my dad and strangle his shoulder. He tipped his head into mine, and put a vice grip on my knee. I tried hard not to, but those damn tears started trailing down my face. It was a nice moment.

Then, later, during Brad Paisley's set, there was a song dedicated to those who have died in recent memory. Some famous faces were splashed on the screen, and I started getting all overly emotional again.

"I love you so much," I said, grabbing his hand. "Don't ever leave me."

What the hell is going on with me? I've never been this emotional before, honestly, someone should check to see I'm not pregnant.

I guess it's because of how much I feel things have changed in a year. I'm a different person. I'm growing up, and breaking free from home. I'm coming out. Who knows...

Then I found out that my dad thinks I should go home for the night with him. You know, it'll be easier than taking you back to your place (?). And I don't mind driving you back down tomorrow.

I really wasn't planning on it, because I haven't even been away that long, and I was trying to make plans for Sunday. But I wanted to be the 'good son', so I agreed, reluctantly, and went along.

This morning, my mom threw her arms around me. "It's nice to have you home!" she said. "It's been so quiet around here."

Good Lord! I've been gone 2 seconds and they're both going on as if I were just back from 2 months abroad. I realized then and there that I'm going to have to figure out just exactly what to do for everyone's benefit.

On one hand, I'm trying to be nice to my parents. They're having obvious difficulties with my being gone, and I don't want to make them unhappy because I simply want my own space.

But on the other, I'm in my third year of university, and I'm growing up. Part of what's holding me back is the convenience of being able to be home when I want to. How am I going to evolve my social life if I can't even stay in the city more than a week!?

It's a delicate issue. I have to learn to balance my own new independent life with my family. And I just don't know how to do that. I need help. (What else is new?)