I realize that I've been acting childishly about the whole recent situation. To the point where I'm embarassed at how immature I am, when usually I'm the one that's keeping people calm.
Not that I've been kicking the crap out of garbadge cans, or downing pails of iced cream, or anything drastic (or interesting). It's all been very internal. But I refuse to be that stupid child and have now decided to no longer whine and pine over the fact that things out of my contol happen.
So I, Steve, hereby swear that I will be a mature man of substance, and will not allow myself to worry needlessly or to act irrationally because of things that are in the past.
Of course I realize that since I haven't been around the block enough times yet, I legitimately am operating with the relationship skills of a 16-year-old. So that's gotta count for something. But at the same time, when I'm calling Lisa 3 times in a row after discovering the MySpace page of the new bf, then the MySpace page with the blog...definately going to be more mature next time.
And when will the next time be? I've recieved some advise that says I'm not ready for a long term thing. But am I allowed something short term? I mean, maybe I'm being immature again, but if I do meet someone, I'm sorry, but I want to be happy with that part of life again. I spent all of high school playing the 'I don't need anyone to be happy'/'some day soon, I'll meet someone, don't worry, it'll happen' roles. I don't want to simply have someone for the sake of having a body on the couch next to me, but I know I'm just happier when there's someone around that I actually like.
Inner poise...inner poise...
2 comments:
I don't think you were being immature. I think your responses were completely natural and even more mature than I probably would have been. I would have probably been really upset, been depressed for a while, then I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem you reacted like that. Just my 2 cents.
Mike
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't have a long term relationship if you met someone you really hit it off with... I know a lot of people are quick to say that you should play the field while you're young in order to find out what you like, but going back to your comment about having "the relationship skills of a 16-year-old" (and I'm totally the same btw), when I was that old it seemed like quite a few of my friends were in fairly long term relationships anyway... I think you've just got to take it as it comes. But I'm definitely with you when you say you want to have someone around that you actually like... You already know that the internet can supply you with sex pretty much whenever you might want it, but finding someone who you really connect with - that's the challenge, and it'll be worth it when you find him. Yes, that's when, and not if! :)
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