Go figure...

I guess some people get 'back on the horse' faster than others...

The Internet is a powerful, and very useless, tool. It can make fools out of the least likely people, and make fools into the least likely successes. I haven't decided what it's made me yet.

Whilst wasting time online today, I checked out Facebook to see what's new and exciting. As I scrolled down the page, I got quite the surprise: Brian is now listed as "In a relationship".

My first impression was shock. Then the twinge of jealousy, not for him, but for the fact he was now with someone again. I don't know what else followed, but it felt pretty crappy. I can see how people feel, meeting their exes randomly and being introduced to the 'new guy'. It sucks, so I can empathise with you all now. But to have it come across the internet at you?

So I pulled it together, though why I even cared I don't really understand. But after an hour, I was itching to know who the hell this person is. I started digging (thank you Internet).

What I came up with started to bother me even more. Through Brian's myspace, I found this guy who he's now seeing. He's older, cute, very artsy-esque. I then realized that Brian had a blog.

I delved in, reading the recent entries about this new guy, and how he's the "sweetest, funniest, greatest person I've ever met." I started going backwards, closer and closer to the date that things ended between us (for those interested, it was March 14). Shockingly, the mentions of the new guy start only a week and a bit after March 14.

Now I was really getting...I don't even know. Pissed off? Hurt? Upset? In any case, my stomach was starting to go into knots. I went back to entries while we were still seeing each other. And guess what I found.

Nothing.

There is no mention of me. At all. Not even a hint of 'the guy I'm seeing', or even a mention as a friend. No rambling about how great I am. Like I didn't exsist.

I'm still not sure how I feel about it all. After all, at the time I was convinced that he really, really liked me. Everything he did made me think that I was well liked. I'll freely admit, I know I wasn't the 'sunshine on his cloudy days' or anything like that, but dammit I thought he liked me.

Not to mention the fact that, after mildy freaking out over the weekend wondering if I'll ever meet anyone who I'll like/will like me in the next year, I get greeted with all of this information about how happy they are. And it sounds like they're really, really happy. Which is nice, as long as I don't have to hear too many of the happy details.

And holy crap, can you say fast!? I mean he must have met this guy while I was still around, because don't tell me he met him literally the day after things ended, and they're now madly in love. I don't even want to go into how that makes me feel.

This all comes days after I actually had dinner and drinks with Brian. Last Thursday we finally met up, and had a nice evening of chatting and whatnot. It wasn't awkward, or strained. But when we were about to head our seperate ways, we hugged, and I pulled him in close. We stood there for a minute, and did the whole 'take care over the summer' thing. Looking back, I feel like such an idiot. I thought he might have missed me. I wanted to let him know I do miss seeing him. But I probably came off like I still wasn't over it, since he is now "fully off the market" (does that mean he wasn't with me?).

I'm glad I don't have to see him for a few months, because I didn't realize I could get this shaken up about him anymore. It's not like it was heading towards marriage...but it was meaningful. For both of us? At least I thought so...