Invasion of the gays...

My apartment is full of gay guys.

I'm not joking here. Its totally true. I just came home from a mundane grocery/pharmacy shopping trip to find 3 guys sitting on my couch, and my roommate sitting in a chair, playing cards.

It all started last night. I was out with friends, came home, and felt awake enough to listen to some music. I pulled on my headphones and gave 'The Dark Side Of The Moon' it's millionth spin, with just a candle flickering in my room. When it was over, I pulled off my headphones, blew out the candle, and heard voice.

My roommate was home. (She seems to have this annoying problem of showing up at our place. How weird is that?)

I realize I haven't provided any background for the story. My roommate and I were good friends our first year of University, and decided to live together for second year. We found a place, painted, each bought/supplied furniature...things were going fine. But then she changed...went sort of insane. Kind of like what an emo 15-year-old would do, only she's 20. Our friendship, as well as our group of friends, crumbled into pieces, and my dream of a happy, socially-fueled apartment was shattered.

Since then we've come to some sort of unspoken agreement about not speaking. Rarely do we acknowledge the other's presence, we never spend any time together and our routines usually keep us apart except during the late hours of the night, when I'm sleeping and she's up talking on the phone until 5 a.m. It's a sad situation, but I ended up detaching because I was so hurt by her.

Anyway, she had recently re-connected with an ex-boyfriend of hers who was moving to Toronto. From reading her blog and talking to mutual friends, it became clear that she was going to attempt to rekindle their lost romance...touching *rolls eyes*. Then, just last week, she posted something in her blog about her 'gay ex-boyfriend'...which was followed by a response by the guy in question. So I had a good laugh over the fact she wasn't going to get very far with a gay guy.

Back to last night. I heard voices, listened, and sure enough it was my roommate, the ex-bf, and his new boyfriend. I laughed to myself, thought really nothing of it (other than how the hell does a newly out guy pick up a boyfriend that fast!), and rolled over to sleep.

They left before I went out this morning, so I never met them. But when I got back home this afternoon, they were here, along with a third guy! Three guys in my apartment, all gay...and I can do nothing about it.

Thats the big issue I have with being closeted right now, the fact that nobody can know I'm bisexual means that I can't actually meet gay/bi guys socially...I'm reserved exclusively to online, unless somebody comes out to me. It's so frustrating for me to help build my new 'self' without being able to discuss it with gay/bi guys. If I did meet someone who was gay, and we got to chatting about what its like, where to meet guys, etc...well, it looks suspicious for a 'straight guy' to be that interested.

It seems like every step I take, I satisfy something in myself, but open a new door within myself that leaves me wanting more...