All I'm saying...

I need to work on a segue for the, "I'm gay," revelation.

There are people who are becoming friends this semester that don't know. And even though I think they should have bloody well figured it out by now, I've gotta start saying it out loud to make sure.

Short of mentioning how cute I think the boy is who sits a few desks away, I don't know of any subtle ways to clue them in. (Though that boy is damn cute...I spent 2 hours staring at him today, and I think he was, at some point, making eye contact. That could, however, be because I was looking in his direction, as his eye contact wasn't followed through with many smiles.)

For instance, today I found myself alone with Becca after our class ended. We grabbed coffee and hit up an office supply store so I could get some more notepads. I've been wanting to mention the fact that I'm gay pretty badly, for several reason. One would be that she's got lots of gay friends, and would be accepting. Another, in that vein, is the fact she'd probably open up a little more to me knowing that I was gay.

And it seems impossible that she doesn't. I don't censor myself when I'm with that group of people, short of not saying anything about being gay.

Today I probed subtly into the situation. She had mentioned something about, "Who wouldn't want to sleep with me? I'm fabulous."

I paused. I wanted to say, "Well, me." But it seemed like that wouldn't completely paint the picture.

"Uh...homosexuals," I said. She laughed aloud.

"I just keep telling those guys, I'll be the one to turn them. They don't believe me, but I haven't tried yet," she said, shaking her head.

Her gay friends are part of the 'gay elite' at school. I hear things through her that surprise and delight me, like stories of the 'straight' frat students that wind up in the gay elite's beds. But, these guys are absolutely flamingly gay. I mean, you can see their sequins from the space shuttle. I probably don't hold a candle to them.

Then again...

We found ourselves shopping, as one does when buying coffee and paper products. I had no intention of buying anything, but I wanted to check out some Kenneth Cole and Clairborne stuff. We did the usual bitching..."Hideous!" "Disgusting." "Plaid."

Moments later, she was cooing over a Calvin Klein sweater. I thought it was pretty nice, and called it "cuteish". First she wanted to take it for herself, then decided she could give it to her boyfriend. I was taking off my jacket when she turned around to ask if I could try it on for her.

"Of course, hell, I'm in love with it," I said, pulling it on. It fit beautifully, and looked pretty damn nice. "Oh God, it's great!" I said, looking in the mirror standing beside us. "What do you think?"

"Oh, shit. It's pretty nice," she said.

"Yeah, but the sweater, or the sweater on me."

"On you, on you...Jesus," she laughed.

As she was looking down at the pile in front of her, I twirled back over the the mirror for another look. I ran my hand up and down the opposite arm, and smiled. She looked up and caught me, laughing.

"Oh, you can take it off now..."

Point is, and there was a point to that ramble, I don't know how straight she thinks I am. I mean, what straight boy goes shopping without the intent to buy anything, instead simply walking around trashing most clothes?

After our shopping trip, she walked me home. I tried desperately to think up a way to tell her, but I came up with nothing other than my standard, serious-discussion, "Can we talk about something," intro. I didn't use it, because it's not the proper situation.

I got used to telling good friends, people I've known a while. It usually went the same way every time; I never flippantly said, "Oh, I'm a homo," in passing. It just didn't happen that way, because those people always deserved the 'sit down' conversation.

Now that I'm coming out to people at school, things are casual. It's not as if every person I know needs me to sit them down for the shocking news. What happened with Joe was perfect, that segue of, "So about that dating..." led to me casually saying I'm gay. But what about friends that don't just throw me that open door?

I need some lines. Some way of guiding the conversation to that casual coming out point, without me having to just stop what I'm doing and say the two words I need to.

Help! What do you say?