Back to bum-fuck...

"I'm home again in my old narrow bed, where I grew tall and my feet hung over the end."

Thanksgiving is upon us. Well, Canadians anyway. We like to be odd, and celebrate in October. You know, keeps space between turkey times...lets you work off the extra ass fat before the Christmas calorie rush.

The drive home took longer than usual. I can't believe how traffic has continued to increase. Watching the scenery change was interesting...why does it feel like I've been away for so long?

Really, I think this is probably the longest I've gone away from home. Some days I missed it, but I was adapting to my own life in Toronto, as unglamourous as it at times is.

But this weekend is going to be sweet. I skipped my classes for the rest of the week, and don't have to be back until next Wednesday morning. And I plan on enjoying this time at home, with my family.

---

I fought the urge the entire ride home to scream, "I'm dating someone!" to my mother. I mean, all my friends are excited...well, the ones who know anyway. A huge part of me is yearning to hear her approval, get a pat on the head for finding myself someone. But I'm scared, too. She's shown though she cares about me, she's not really ready to handle my sexuality.

The plan is to tell her tomorrow. Whatever happens happens, but the whole point in coming out is so I can live my life. I'm not going to hide this from her even if I'm scared she's not ready to hear it.

I've also decided to draw the line about what we discuss. There is a pretty good chance she'll ask if I've slept with him, and quite honestly it's none of her business. I'll discuss the intimate details of my sex life with my close friends, but certainly not my mother. When she asks, I'm just telling her it's none of her business, as hers is none of mine.

---

After dinner (a stupid time of day, I know) I ran upstairs to the bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I stripped with enthusiasm, tearing everything but my socks from my body.

The mirrors showed me my naked body, illuminated by 200 watts of light. I did a mental grimace, because I really can't look at myself and think, "Oooh, looking good today!"

My toe jammed into the base, and I stepped on. Terrified, I stared straight ahead, back standing rigidly at attention. I counted to three and looked down.

I've lost weight.

Thank God.

We have no scales at our apartment, something I plan to remedy. So I've had no idea what I weigh, or how much I've gained since going back to the land of easily accessible food and beverage.

But my newfound attention to food has done me well, and I almost collapsed with relief.

Now all I have to do is vomit after every Thanksgiving meal I eat (which will be two or more) and I'll be set.

---

The air has a bite I have not felt for months. I think by midnight I may even be able to see my own breath. Without concrete to warm us, the evening truly feels like fall.

For the first time in over a month I have seen stars. Hanging vividly overhead, they are as spectacular as memory serves.

The things we give up to live in a city...