Gay best friend...

I entertained myself yesterday, while pretending to work, by checking out cute boys online.

I hit up some sites, just looking at who was online...reading profiles...getting really scientific, you know, really understanding what it means to be an under-30 homo...when I came across a very, very cute guy.

I'd even go so far as to say hot (and I don't use that descriptor). Think California-beach-boy, blond and blue, tall, slim and toned. Think, me in bed with California-beach-boy, blond and blue, tall, slim and toned.

And as I'm gazing into his eyes, the sudden shock of recognition began to set in. My jaw slackened, and I leaned face-first into my monitor, practically crushing my mouse in the process. I know this guy. I didn't know he was gay. He was my best friend.

It was many years ago, way back in those childhood years when your best friend was usually your mom's friend's son. My mom was good friends with his mom, and even though they didn't live too close to us (they progressively moved farther away as his father's business prospects got better) we were the traditional 'best friends'.

I still have the picture in my room of the two of us, arms around each other's shoulders, smiling toothlessly at the camera. It's cute, even though I don't really remember much of our 'hanging out' time. He is merely a memory of childhood, like so many things in the past. A picture frozen in time that gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling without quite knowing why.

Like I said, we eventually were living quite far apart from each other. I didn't really know whatever happened to them, and the years went by.

Then, out of the blue, he added me to his Facebook late in the summer. He seemed pretty pleased to have found me on there, and I couldn't help but drool over how hot he'd grown up to be. Our 'reconnection' didn't really last more than a few messages back and forth to each other. A reunion seemed unlikely, since he was at a college far outside of Toronto.

I had always toyed with the notion that my best friend from childhood was gay, part of the reason we had gotten along was the fact we both had the same vibes. A few years ago, my mom had a phone catchup with his mom, and she had mentioned how he was "A little different" and had tastes that didn't seem to fit with others his age. That always stuck with me.

Now, I don't know what to do. His profile is definitely him; not only do I recognize him in almost every picture, but I recognize his sister in one of them too. It's also rather brief and rather vague; he's looking to hang out with other chill, sane dudes. While it doesn't scream, "I'm gay," the fact that he's a man seeking a man sure does.

My instinct was to message him via the site, and alert him to the funny coincidence. But then I thought of all the factors I don't know about...is he out? Gay? Bi, curious?

He could be leader of the GLBT group at his school for all I know. Or he could be deep in the closet. Would a message like that spook him or reassure him, or ultimately mean nothing to him?

Deep-down, I guess it really doesn't matter. We're not really friends, but we were a lifetime ago. Still, there's something inside of me that wants to reach out, to understand, for the simple fact that we're two people who turned out to have a lot more in common than we ever knew.

I checked out his Facebook again after seeing his online profile, and sure enough, his "Interested In" is blank/removed, the international subtle sign for 'not straight'. He's also now living in Toronto, going to school here. I started forming a plan.

I wouldn't mind seeing the guy if for the sake of catching up and seeing how he turned out all these years later. It wouldn't be unreasonable to reach out and see if he'd be interested in having coffee, or a drink, to just chat for a few minutes and have a laugh about our childhood. So why not simply ask him on that friendly basis, and have coffee?

But of course, that doesn't address one of the major points, which would be to discover if he indeed is gay. I can't see our conversation going, "Yeah, I'm in third year, taking this and that...oh and I'm gay." Obviously I would have to play it heavily by ear, and just go with the flow of the conversation. But I would walk away rather disappointed if I was still in the dark about the whole thing.

What's most awkward about it, is the fact that it may just not come up. I mean, we're like strangers to each other, and I would doubt the first thing out of his mouth would be that he's gay. He doesn't know about me, and theoretically I wouldn't know about him; it seems like a semi-sensitive topic that he might not willingly bring up. I'd feel like an ass if I just came out and asked him about his profile, because it's pretty out of place. But something inside me is pushing to know, and to have this mystery solved.

He, of course, knows none of this. So I wonder what his reaction will be to my suggestion for meeting over coffee, "To catch up on the last 15 years."