So 24 short hours later...

No reconciliation e-mails arrived in my mailbox today. No big surprise.

I actually slept pretty fine. Mostly because I was already exhausted, and maybe too drained to actually let what happen sink in. This morning was a little different, when I rolled over and realized he wouldn't be in bed beside me again.

After that I didn't have much time to think about it. I ran into the shower, then off to class. We wrapped up early today, and because only a third of the people showed up our Prof took us out to the campus pub for beers. It was pretty cool to get tipsy with the guy who also decides our final marks. He got actually very happy and was telling us some stuff that he wouldn't normally. But isn't that why we drink anyway?

Once drinks finally finished, I decided that, being slightly drunk, I should go to Lisa's and continue drinking. I had a nice stiff rum and coke, and basically got stuff off my chest about the whole situation. It was really nice that she was there to hear it all.

Basically what I discovered was two things. One, the fact I was most hurt because he never said anything about how he enjoyed our time together, or that he'd miss me even though we couldn't be together anymore. The obvious rebuke to that would be that naturally, those things could go unsaid because he stayed with me for this long, so he must have felt something.

Two, that he couldn't just enjoy the last few weeks, knowing full well that in April it would end. It would have given us both a deadline, a solid time that we would both know and understand that things would 'be over'. So why pull the plug now, when we could still have had fun, if only for a few weeks. Again, the rebuttle to that would be the pre-emptive breakup, a defensive move on his part so that he'll be less hurt/bothered by it than if we ended things in a few weeks. But Lisa and I both agree that it makes more sense to enjoy yourself for a few more weeks instead of going through the emotions while we're both still available.

Well, I still haven't sent him that e-mail. Honestly, tonight I just wanted some time to myself to think about unrelated things, and not dwell on the bad. So tomorrow I've gotta write it, because there are a few things I want to say.

And can you believe that he didn't block me from his MSN? When I looked to see if he was online tonight, he was. I can't believe that he wouldn't have instantly blocked me last night.

Anyway I guess it's all over. I just have to get used to not having anyone around overnights. But that shouldn't be too hard, with the number of papers I have to write in the next few weeks...still, I was hoping to end the year on a high note, which I thought would include me actually being in some semblence of a relationship.