If this is how every relationship operates, I can understand why people concentrate on simply having sex day to day.
Honestly, I've about had enough of this shit. He comes back to me after the fact and says something about how he got upset, then I get upset because I don't want to be an asshole or be the 'mean one' or anything (and I can't believe that I'm hurtful toward others), then he gets upset that I'm getting upset, and goes all quiet. And naturally this is all online.
So apparently he was really hurt by something I said the other day at Starbucks. He suggested coffee, to which I agreed entirely. Once we got there, he was literally counting quarters to put together the money. I had offered to pay; he refused. Then I said something that I probably shouldn't have, but did as a bit of a joke (though it must not have sounded that way): "Oh, do I have to subsidize your coffee too?"
Not the greatest thing to say. But I don't mind at all paying for anything, which he should know by now, but he's got this idea that he can pay for my stuff and I can't pay for him without causing a scene. I'd bought him dinner the night before, after much protest on his part, since he literally had not a penny to his name.
Online later that day, he starts talking to me, very nice conversation. Then he said something about how he was upset before but now he's fine. Naturally I ask what was the problem, he says not to worry, I can't accept that so I push the issue, and he tells me how it was demeaning to be told that in public, how he knew the baristra *one of his friends* (seriously, this is how he typed it), and that he just wasn't prepared for me to say something like that to him.
Then he went on about how he needs to put up emotional barriers so that he's not so easily hurt in the future. At this point I felt sick to my stomach, after all I had caused him to feel this way, something that made me feel terrible. I'm not a mean person, everyone likes me and I'm always the nice one. But apparently I've got to re-examine that 'truth' because I seem to upset him on a semi-regular basis.
What worried me the most was the fact he feels like he needs to put up some barriers or something to keep himself protected, a harder shell so he doesn't take things too personally. I'm either incredibaly hard-shelled myself, or he's super-sensitive. I can't decide right now. During the conversation, I felt horrible about how I'd made him feel. After the conversation, I started to question if he was justified in being so overly sensitive about what happened. I can't decide, because I don't want to accuse him of being sensitive, and I also can't just blindly say it wasn't my fault.
He never says anything in person. He deals with everything in private, then tells me about it afterwards. It's all over trivial stuff. At one point when I asked him if he thought I looked down my nose at everyone he said he didn't know what he thought I did. I guess we're at the point where I need to ask him if he feels like it's worth it to expose himself to me, because I'm this bastard who's always making comments that seem to wind up hurting him.
The other thing I'm really trying to understand is why he's even interested in me. At first, I thought we were really similar, but as I learn more about him it seems like he's got a lot of things going on that are different from me. He's always talking about his friends, the artists and actors and club employees and on and on...pretty much the exciting artistic/clubber types. He's got friends all over the city he drops in on. I just don't understand where I fit in with these people, considering I didn't meet him at a gallery, or a club, or through any of his friends.
I just don't know. I'm trying not to screw this up, because I do like him. But at the same time, I don't know what he wants me to do, or how long we can go before I wind up saying something that he takes the wrong way again.
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