Why am I surprised...

I really need to resolve to be either a positive or negative person, and carry said outlook onto the rest of life.

Wednesday was a craaaaazy day for me. We had a big project presentation in a class that was lots of fun, but took up the entire afternoon. I also got a haircut in the morning that I absoloutely love, probably the happiest I've been with my hair, ever. It's shorter, but still got length, and when you put gunk (the not-so-fancy term for product) into it, I can make it do all sorts of interesting things that actually look quite good.

I was always really self-conscious of my hair covering my forhead, because I have a high forhead...now I'm not going bald, it's always been that way, and that's not even what bothers me. I have a scar left from when I had chicken pox, and I never really wanted anyone to see it.

But now with my amazing new haircut, I had some massive revalation that it doesn't matter, and I now look 10 times better than I have recently. Add to that a new spring jacket, some really great new jeans, new-ish shoes...I looked fucking hot. And the best part...I felt hot.

Today was much similar, only I had to style the hair by myself this morning...which went fine thankfully. I skampered off to class, which proved to be our last (the prof is giving us the last 2 weeks to work on assignments...weird, but whatever). We went out afterwards for a celebratory lunch, then I headed to more class.

I waited paitently by the phone at 8:30, waiting for Brian to call. We planned on dinner around then, whenever he got out of the gym. I was a little nervous about what would happen, but also really excited to see him. I haven't seen him since the day before things ended, and only talked to him once earlier this week online. I mean, going from seeing him once every couple days, and talking pretty much every day, to not speaking was strange, and I do miss him since we got along well.

I was still waiting at 9:15, as I walked the streets near where we were to meet. I called, and got no answer. I called again, and got no answer. I called Lisa and asked her what she thought. She didn't really have an answer...I guess she was trying to be optimistic. I ended up dragging my sorry ass to her place and eating dinner at 10:30 with her watching me. I got a text at 10:20 from him saying that he was just in the changeroom at the gym, and we'd have to reschedual.

My response was, of course, to assume the worst. He'd got cold feet, or he'd wanted to string me along, or maybe play some mind games with me...but no, this didn't sound like him at all. I was letting my disappointment cloud my judgement. But at the same time, I was legitimately pissed off. We'd talked again this afternoon online while I was still in class to confirm the fact we were having dinner at 9 and for him to call me. Then he texts me finally wayyyy later, when he could have easily phoned and said sorry.

When I got home now, I checked to see if he was online. Sure enough, he was, and his screen-name said that he'd gotten back from the gym with his roommate. That explained a little bit...and that was what always scared me when we were going out, his roommate was really phoney, friendly at first but really caloused behind people's backs. I'm afraid that he's influencing Brian to not bother talking to me, why I wouldn't know other than he just doesn't like many people and probably feels protective of him.

Anyway I just felt very small again, after really having a good 2 days, and feeling good, to have it all blow up in my face. All I wanted was to get us into some sort of friendship mode before I go home and don't see him until September, and right now I'm questioning if he's really as committed to it as he said he is.