Wiped...

You know when you're tired, especially when your body feels all dragged down.

Like this morning, I woke up with a scratchy throat, baggy eyes and a bit of a headache that never really went away. After considering it for the day, I decided that I'm tired and should probably get some sleep (after I post, of course).

Today was uneventful, but it was nice not to be too busy. I did something wonderful, though. I handed in my 60-day notice to my landlord, so I'm officially going to be away from my hellish roommate soon! Not that the 60 days come before the end of school, but it formally recognizes the fact that we're done in that short amount of time. Yay!

Also in exciting news, on Wednesday night Laura and I had dinner at her place, where she announced that one of her roommates is moving out, and she wants me to move in. At first I was so surprised that I didn't really get excited, rather started disecting reasons why I shouldn't live with her and her other roommate (who I love). But I couldn't come up with anything substantial (other than we need to do some serious decorating...wait, isn't it supposed to be the woman's touch? not the other way around?...) When I told my mom about it, she basically said that I'm doing it, "Right!?" So there are no formal details yet about when I get my room, but it's 95% official that I have new roommates for next year.

This weather is so wonderful, a real boost for soul. Better weather means more people out, and there's nothing more that I love than the bustling city streets (especially at night, it's just so damn cool!). But I swear, I'm going to have to stop walking home through the Village at night. Of course, I was passing through at 11, prime-time where everyone is showing up. During the daylight hours, I shake my head and think, "I don't need to be a part of that, hell, I don't go clubbing as it is, so why would I want to go gay clubbing?" Yet when it's dark out, all I can think about while walking home is how great it would be to have a group to go out with, people that I fit in with who weren't (completely) judgemental.

I don't even know what's reality vs. what's illusion. All I read about are the major drug problems with gay (and straight) clubs, the unsafe sex pratices of people who indulge in it, the horribly judgemental queens who tear each other to shreads. But the illusion I see when walking down the street is hot, young guys having fun in a pretty comrader-ish way.

My current make-me-feel-better attitude is, "Don't worry about it for this year, you've got 2 weeks of school left, you're not going to develop a social life in that time anyway so just focus on next September and doing it then." But that's always my approach...invest in my fantasy about the future. To an extent, it's worked out ok. I managed to do a lot of stuff in this semester that was only a dream in first semester...but it's more complicated than that. I have to meet gay guys who I'm compatible with for friendship, then develop enough of a group to actually go out with, then actually take the plunge and go...all this from a guy who doesn't know how to make 'new friends' anyway.

Ugh. Well I'm not going to beat myself up about it tonight (I'm too tired anyway), but I just can't shake the images of the hot blondes in tight pants bouncing down the road to the clubs, while I walked home on another night. God, I really need to stop repeating this post over and over and over...